Decree: And so it is

Saw “not yours”
And letting go,
Streaming out
And floating away,

Fading into
The mental distance,
Trying to keep this in mind,
As every time ‘tis just what I need;

Stop talking about
Blizzards of emotion
And torrents of thought,
Have to let it fly by

In time will get used to it
Coming up, letting go and drifting off,
So it does not distract me
From other things,
As it frequently now does;

But now mind all over the place,
Need mindlessness for a time,
Intentional distraction
So I don’t get lost in anguish,

Really frustrating,
Tried to notice what that felt like,
At first just raised more anger,
‘what’s the point of noticing,
As so what else is new?’

I feel like it’s all about
Killing time until the bell goes,
Just waiting, really boring and tedious,
But noticing posture re-energized me,
As that’s where the ease was.
Turned to counting breaths then,
Building concentration.

Decrease: Strewn*

A day of small pleasures,
As the coffee tasted heavenly,
And the noodle and vegetable stew
Rapturously delicious!

Other than that,
It was like a trap
An endless cage,
A dreary, drab drag!

Not feeling like
Doing anything,
Nowhere I wanted
To go,

Hung around home,
Moping and complaining;
What foolishness!
But fatigue won this round,

As had slept so badly,
Even worse than before;
Not sure what’s next
But suspicions reign supreme,

Full of doubts and questioning,
Uncertain and apprehensive,
Serious one minute,
And laughing the next;

What a peculiar series,
And meditation even more so:
Ended up silently reciting the multiplication table,
My idea of concentration practice,
Or so I guess,
Oh well, I did my best!


*Today’s entry will be the last UNTIL December, as tomorrow I start an insight meditation course, and I really want to focus on that.

Thank you for reading!

Lee

Decoy: Grab and Let Go

Meditation absorption,
As phenomena arising
Streamed outward
In the mind’s eye,

As if responding to
The, “not yours,” strategy,
Drifted off like clouds
But shrank as it departed,

Off to the horizon it flowed
Until naught remained,
And the process
Repeated over and over again,

But then,
Some difficult pain
Gave rise to great frustration
And distraction set in,

Tried to notice how that felt
But at first just inflated irritation
Into angry thinking,
‘What’s the point of noticing this!’

Feeling it’s all about killing time
Until the bell goes,
Just waiting,
Really frustrating and tedious,

Also itching, how annoying!
But then suddenly noticed posture
And minimal pain
Aback the shoulders,

As had quit ‘trying’ to sit up straight
Due to preoccupation with discomfort;
Then counting breaths created suitable diversion.
I guess this sit was indeed partially about,
‘What do I do in this situation?’