Decrease: Strewn*

A day of small pleasures,
As the coffee tasted heavenly,
And the noodle and vegetable stew
Rapturously delicious!

Other than that,
It was like a trap
An endless cage,
A dreary, drab drag!

Not feeling like
Doing anything,
Nowhere I wanted
To go,

Hung around home,
Moping and complaining;
What foolishness!
But fatigue won this round,

As had slept so badly,
Even worse than before;
Not sure what’s next
But suspicions reign supreme,

Full of doubts and questioning,
Uncertain and apprehensive,
Serious one minute,
And laughing the next;

What a peculiar series,
And meditation even more so:
Ended up silently reciting the multiplication table,
My idea of concentration practice,
Or so I guess,
Oh well, I did my best!


*Today’s entry will be the last UNTIL December, as tomorrow I start an insight meditation course, and I really want to focus on that.

Thank you for reading!

Lee

Decoy: Grab and Let Go

Meditation absorption,
As phenomena arising
Streamed outward
In the mind’s eye,

As if responding to
The, “not yours,” strategy,
Drifted off like clouds
But shrank as it departed,

Off to the horizon it flowed
Until naught remained,
And the process
Repeated over and over again,

But then,
Some difficult pain
Gave rise to great frustration
And distraction set in,

Tried to notice how that felt
But at first just inflated irritation
Into angry thinking,
‘What’s the point of noticing this!’

Feeling it’s all about killing time
Until the bell goes,
Just waiting,
Really frustrating and tedious,

Also itching, how annoying!
But then suddenly noticed posture
And minimal pain
Aback the shoulders,

As had quit ‘trying’ to sit up straight
Due to preoccupation with discomfort;
Then counting breaths created suitable diversion.
I guess this sit was indeed partially about,
‘What do I do in this situation?’

Dealing: Plodding Along

Dreadful night,
Slept poorly,
Woke up early with splitting headache
But too tired to get out of bed,

Gloomy and fatigued
And not wanting to move,
But always lots to do
And no one else to do it!

So up I got
And set to work,
Coffee in the cup,
Breakfast in process,

Then the phone rang,
Someone wanting to talk,
‘Shall I answer it?
Guess I’d better.’

Nothing urgent,
Just an apology
For something
I’d forgotten already,

Nevertheless,
Felt better for it,
Could not have come
At a better time either,

But still an up and down day,
Somehow made it
Through required tasks,
That at least is something,

As some days just have to keep
Putting one foot in front of the other,
Not sure why has always been so,
But only way I know
How to learn to walk!

Dazzling: A Worthwhile Effort

Weather warm-up coming soon
Triggered pre-migraine munchies,
But meditation on track,
Following the breathing
And letting go,

Seeing clearly
What is not mine,
And marveling at everything,
All patterns inside and out;

Sense of freedom grew
And equanimity bloomed,
But not for long
As fatigue set in,

Nevertheless, remembered that
All effort brings benefit,
And this motivated further exertion
Which generated more mindfulness,

Just as yesterday’s actions
Brought today’s observations,
So today’s positive actions
Pave the way for better results,

It’s vital therefore
To continue building on the practice,
Breath by breath the attention expands,
Opening possibilities and generating confidence,

Even weariness presents an opportunity
To examine this feeling,
And the sensations that
Go with it,

Directing the attention
To the resting
And noticing what that’s like,
On this autumn night.

Dawning: The Sky Lightens

Another dismal forecast,
With the rain teeming,
And the streets streaming
But in keeping with the arising mood;

All set to spend an evening
Grumbling, moping and steaming,
When received a phone call invitation
To attend a group meditation,

And with little hesitation,
Accepted the offer of a drive
To the location,
And readied to leave for the destination;

Prepared and ate a quick snack
Gathered up the cushion stack,
And bagged it,
Shouldered the backpack and departed,

Leaving behind the darkness
For the light of dharma fellowship,
The downpour de-centered,
The gloominess tempered;

Then shortly after arrival
The sitting commenced,
Upright stillness
Silent mindfulness,

And afterwards,
Sharing and reflecting
Upon practice notes
And experiences;

All left little doubt
Of the value of
The practice,
And the decision
To participate.

Darkening: Going Sideways

Energy stoked up after
Application of my meditation strategy,
And carried it on
Into daily life,

But later in the day
Worn out and sleepy,
From the effort?
Or something else?

Never know what
To expect,
Every day’s different,
Every meditation too;

Always travelling,
So much to see,
Never stopping,
Only resting in movement,

Up the mountain
And over the peak,
Down into the valley,
Immersed in green,

Traversing the wilderness,
Getting entangled in thickets,
Sky barely visible
Through the branches and vines,

Know the next mountain’s
Out there,
But struggling to
Keep up the pace,

Darkness sets in
And set camp for the night,
Pitching the tent
In the shadows cast by the firelight.

Daring: Trying a New Approach

As I waited by the gate
For someone who knows
How to open it,
I prepared to sit,

And as I did,
Tore up all the ladders
And from these parts
Constructed a new one:

Breathing in,
“Whatever is not yours. . .”
Breathing out,
“Let go of it, . . .”
And in the space between out and in,
“Your letting go of it will be
for your long-term happiness and benefit” (Majhima Nikaya 22).

Continuing until the last line of the passage,
“Your letting go of it will be
for your long-term happiness and benefit.”
Then let go of these words too
And staying with the breathing,
Observed it,

But whenever a thought, feeling or sensation
Began to pull the mind away:
Breathing in,
“This is not yours,”
Breathing out,
“Let go of it . . .”
And in the space between out and in,
“Your letting go of it will be
for your long-term happiness and benefit.”

Continued acknowledging these diverse processes
And yet resting in awareness
Of the breathing,
Until the end of the meditation.

Dangling: Hanging Around

I went out and thought
I’d lost my method,
But came home and found it
Right where I’d left it!

Like confusing the ladder
With the climbing,
Getting stuck on the ladder
And abandoning it,

Picking up its mate
And getting caught on that too,
Tossing that one down
And beginning anew;

How can one possibly
Get over this fence,
When every ladder fails?
This just doesn’t make sense.

Starting over and over,
Then finally ditching
All of them
And stomping off in a fury,

Concluding, I’ll be going nowhere in a hurry!
And so quietly I wait,
Hoping for someone to come along who knows
How to open the gate!

Nevertheless, in the meantime
I prepared for more practice,
Not expecting anything
Other than just sitting;

On the other hand,
Perhaps it’s time
To return attention to the breathing;
As there’s no other guide here now,
I guess it’s up to me, then.

Dancing: Taming Mind-Cats

Carrying on
The recurring theme
Sitting mindfully,
And letting go of clinging,

Very effective for taming
Disturbing emotions,
Which roar like lions
And snap and claw fiercely,

For upon the application
Of the simple formula
Of naming these big cats,
And recognizing them as not belonging to me,

Their thundering growls
Dissolve like melting marshmallows
In a cup of hot chocolate,
And they depart, purring like kittens,

But soon new ferocious visitors arise
And more labeling follows,
The letting go is repeated,
The menagerie gradually defeated;

Thoughts, feelings, sensations,
Flow softly then,
From the lion’s den,
Which is quiet again,

The cats have et their fill,
And are sleeping now,
At peace for a time
Until the bell chimes,

Waking the resting mind,
To rise up once again,
But even then met only with the gentle refrain,
‘Not me, not mine.’