Enterprise: Accidental Opportunity for Compassionate Practice

When I looked out on the balcony yesterday, I saw that someone had chucked a lit cigarette off their balcony onto mine. Irritated, as I already had enough to do, I opened the balcony door to retrieve it and was immediately nonplused by a large insect on the greyish stone tile. Then, however, I recognized that it was a Monarch butterfly, but with its wings so folded up that from a certain angle it looked more like a grasshopper.

It had been a cold night, with a temperature below freezing, and I had felt it too, having spent a fitful night, alternating between being too hot and too cold. I therefore guessed the butterfly had folded its wings so tightly in an attempt to keep in what little heat its tiny body could generate, and perhaps to protect it’s delicate wings from the frigid air. I decided to air the place out, thus providing some warm air for the butterfly, and as I got on with my many chores, I periodically checked in to see how it was doing. As it got warmer, the wings began to come up a little, but the butterfly was very unsteady on its legs in the cool breeze that was blowing.

A while later, I saw its open wings flexing and then closing again. Still later, I saw it crawling awkwardly across the stones. When it reached the metal cover on the window washer’s anchor, which must have been very cold indeed, it tried to climb up on that, perhaps trying to get more height from which to launch itself, but it was getting nowhere, and probably getting chilled again as well. I was tempted to intervene, but unsure what to do and fearful of causing further harm, and so I directed compassion towards the butterfly and resumed my work.

Then I saw it fluttering weakly and irregularly towards a neighbour’s balcony. And so, finally I gently spread out my hands to corral it, and offered a hand for it to climb up onto, thinking perhaps I could warm it up enough for it to be able to fly properly. After crawling onto the offered hand, however, maybe it realized that this warm soft something was alive, and it quickly hopped back off again. But the second time it crawled onto the proffered hand, perhaps as whatever this something was hadn’t tried to eat it or otherwise harm it, it quickly located a comfortable perch. Soon it began flexing its wings quite vigorously, and within a few minutes took off and soared like a bird, flapping strongly and quickly away. And so, I said farewell and wished it a safe journey. As I had beheld it resting on my hand and afterwards I reflected upon its frame of reference in relation to this encounter, whether or not its acceptance of this assistance was an active act of trust, and how this timely intervention began with a carelessly flicked lit cigarette!

Entailing: Necessary Effort

Way too much suffering!
That’s the latest theme,
No surprise really,
That’s how it seems,

Ups and downs
Are part of the scenery,
Dealing with that
As common as greenery!

Being alive
Requires a certain resilience,
Navigating this uneven stream
The essence of brilliance!

If I could only
Get the hang of it,
There would be no struggle
And I wouldn’t cling one bit!

But until
I learn how to go
‘Twill be a bumpy ride
And a long way to grow!

Until I know
How to negotiate the flow
With exceptional fluidity,
I will have to row!

Trying to get upstream
Without even knowing,
I will only make steam
Until I know how I’m going,

It can be difficult to discern
Which way the watercourse is surging,
I must be ready to turn
To find the smoothest channel.

Entailed: Looking for Skillful Means

So often
I hear
The term,
“Skillful means,”

But
I am never sure
What that means
And often get lost

And so,
I’ve decided
To try
Imagining that I know,

That
I do possess
The knowledge
Or have access to it,

That
I can see
What is skillful
And what is not,

And then
To see where,
If anywhere,
That gets me.

That’s all
I can think of
To try
For now,

And then
I’ll see where,
If anywhere,
That gets me.

Ensuing: And so On

As for
What I wrote
Yesterday,
I can make no sense of it

But
It cheered me up greatly,
For which I am grateful,
Even though it’s only mindless chatter,

Followed by more mindless chatter,
Which only serves to add
To the sum total of
Mindless chatter,

Although it seems to me
As perfectly wonderful
As all the other
Mindless chatter;

Why do we do that?
I wonder
But cannot fathom
Or discern,

Whether we’re just playing,
Or actually doing something worthwhile
I do not know
And so, I just ignore it and continue,

Ignore it, and continue,
Ignore it, and continue,
Until some other response
Occurs to me.

And then
I do that instead,
Until some other response
Occurs to me.
And then, . . . and so on, . . .

Enshrouded: Crazy

Eating oatmeal is vanity
Not eating oatmeal is vanity,
Neither eating nor not eating oatmeal is vanity
But I do it anyway!

Sleeping is vanity
Not sleeping is vanity,
Neither sleeping nor not sleeping is vanity
But I do it anyway!

Seeking is vanity
Not seeking is vanity,
Neither seeking nor not seeking is vanity
But I do it anyway!

My way is vanity
Not my way is vanity,
Neither my way nor not my way is vanity
But I do it anyway!

The Buddha way is vanity
The Not-Buddha way is vanity,
Neither the Buddha way nor the not-Buddha way is vanity
But I do it anyway!

All is vanity
Not all is vanity,
Neither all nor not all is vanity
But I do it anyway!

What is the point of all these vanities?
I do not know
And if I did I could not say
But I do it anyway!

What a crazy world!
What a crazy state of mind!
What a crazy way
Reality has come on today!

Enshroud: Lost and Found

On the way to the grocery store, thinking, felt “Lost,” and the following internal conversation ensued:

“Hello, Lost.”
“Hello.”
“How are you?”
“I’m Lost.”
“What does it feel like to be Lost?”
“Scary.”
“Would you like to be Found?”
“If I were Found, then I wouldn’t be Lost anymore, I’d be Found.”
“Okay. Found? Are you here?”
“Yes.”
“How does it feel to be Found?”
“It feels great!”
“Where is Lost?”
“I don’t know because I’m Found.”

“I’m not sure I need help now, what do you think?”

“I’m Not Sure?”
“Who is that?”
“I’m Not Sure, are you here?”
“Yes.”
“What does it feel like to be Not Sure?”
“It feels uncomfortable.”
“Comfortable?”
“Yes.”
“What’s it like to be Comfortable?”
“It feels good.”
“Good?”
“Yes.”
“What’s it like to be Good?”
“Happy.”
“Happy?”
“What’s that like? . . .”

And so on, and on
All the way there and back again!
My home is now.

Enshrined: Boundless Heartedness

We speak of
Generating compassion
Or of
Seeking wisdom

But today it appears
There is no need
To generate anything
Or seek anything,

Because
Compassion is always
Available
And so is wisdom;

For, the compassion of
The heart is large
And so is
Its wisdom

And so,
All one
Has to do
Is see that

And all one
Has to do to see that is
To read
The book of the heart;

For even when
One is steeped in involvement,
Whether awake or ignorant,
All is available.

And with this impression,
A letting go ensued
And although there was fear with this,
There was also wisdom and compassion and everything
That finally erupted into a smile.

Ensconced: Heart Notes

Picking up from where I left off yesterday, I also like Ajahn Chah’s comment, “Nowhere in the world is any real peace to be found. That’s the nature of the world. Look within yourself and find it instead” (A Tree in a Forest, 17).

The first two parts are certainly consistent with my experience and the third with my conclusion that if I want kindness, there’s no use waiting around for it to fall on me from somewhere ‘out there.’ Oh no! If I want any, I am going to have to make my own because it’s definitely an inside job.

Nevertheless, after the bliss and even the stability described in my previous post, as usual, the rage came, along with a desire for revenge.

But then, turning towards the heart and breathing through the heart, there was that stability again.

Continuing to look, I saw that the rage and desire were happening on the surface, i.e., were superficial, although moments before they had seemed so strong.

Oddly too, this part of the body in the area of the heart is a place where I often have a lot of pain from the Fibromyalgia, and it felt so strange, this combination of pain and stability.

No wonder I’ve had so much trouble finding it, as I’m often reluctant to bring my attention to that place because it hurts, but the stability too is very intense.

Then fear did indeed set in and it was back to breathing globally, i.e., with expanded attention, encompassing the entire body.

And so, I continue to see that there does indeed seem to be an instruction manual pre-installed. For every time I bring attention to the heart, I learn something new.

May the discoveries keep on coming and extend outwards to you, and you and you!
May all beings be well
May all beings be truly happy.
May all beings be free!

May it be so.

Enrolled: Taking Instruction From the Heart

One night, as I was sitting in a state of misery, it occurred to me (although I can’t remember why) to look up, A Tree in a Forest (Dhamma Garden, Chungli, Taiwan, R.O.C.: Yuan Kuang Publishing House, 1994).

The first thing that struck me was how, when asked to recommend a book on Buddhism, Ajahn Chah replied, “only one,” and pointed to his heart (vii).

And so, I decided to try reading that ‘book’ instead.

Almost at once, I began to fantasize in a way that made me feel very good, but then I remembered how whenever I get blissed out this is often followed by bouts of rage.

And then, my heart ‘said,’ “well then, don’t do that!”

“So, what do I do then?” I asked.

“Is there a middle way?”

After considering for a moment, I let go of the ‘bliss making,’ brought my attention to my breath and watched violet coloured clouds of bliss drifting off through the mind’s sky, and what was left was calm, steadiness of mind and clarity.

Uh huh! So now I see that contrary to popular opinion, we really do come with instruction manuals!

It’s like, when you buy a computer and you take it out of the box and you can’t find the instruction manual. And then somebody suggests you check the hard drive, and so you plug it in, turn it on and check the documents folder, and there it is.

So, perhaps what Ajahn Chah was saying, was that all we have to do is read the manual (which, of course, is unique to each make and model ;) ), and then we’ll know what to do.

Enriched: Deepening

Isn’t it funny
How everything
Is going ordinary again?
From infinity to beef stew!

And then back again,
And then,
‘What is this?’
‘What is this?’

I find sometimes
That all I want to do
Is sit
And ask this question,

Over and over
I inquire
And then
Await the results

And then
I forget
All about it
And move on to something else

But always
I come back again,
To asking
This question,

I’ve heard it said that
The asking
Is the point,
Whatever that means.

I’ve also heard it said that
Asking such a question is
A complete waste of time
But in any case,
It happens quite often.

Enough: When?

Darn it!
Now
I’m craving
Beef stew!

It all started
When I decided
To make it once
And then again,

And now,
It’s become a habit
And the ingredients
Have become too pricey again!

Ew! I hate that
When I get on a roll,
In a groove
Like this

And have to
Switch gears
Because of shortages
Of what I hold dear,

And yet
My favourite dish
Varies so much
It’s such a silly clinging,

But then,
What else do I expect?
It is silly
And that’s that.

That’s how it is
And that’s all
But it keeps happening
No matter what I do!

Enormously: Word Flurry

Writing
Was this easy,
Before I thought I knew
What I was doing

And now
It’s easy again,
When I’ve forgotten
Whether or not I know what I’m doing,

Still I pause for thought,
Along the way,
Reflecting upon
Whether or not I’m making sense

But if not,
Whether or not
I ought to be concerned about
Whether or not I’m making sense.

Creativity
Is such a funny thing,
How can I know it when I see it?
How can I tell?

And, what’s sense anyway?
I’m not sure
I remember that either;
I’ve dropped that thread all together,

And next I’m thinking
Of tea,
Vacuuming
And making supper,

Going to work
And coming home again,
Braving the inclement weather,
And of how easily
These words slip out together.

En masse: Infinite Reaches

My words
Just keep falling,
Like autumn leaves
Upon the page

And after a while,
Even I
Forget what they mean
Or what I thought they meant,

As autumn follows summer,
Winter follows autumn,
Spring follows winter,
Year after year,

So words
Follow words,
Endlessly,
Day after day,

But does anyone remember
The first bird
That began to sing
Last spring?

Or
The first word
Ever spoken
Or written?

Does anybody know
When that was?
And if they do,
What of it?

Was there
Ever even
A beginning?
And does that matter?

Enlivened: Goings On

I might as well
Just keep going,
As that’s the way
The wind is blowing,

It’s rushing past
Much too fast,
I’d like to slow it down
But how can I do that?

I know
Nothing about it
And can do nothing
About it,

It will slow
Or it will go on,
And who is it who waits
While it slows or goes?

You can’t base your life on dreams,
You’ve got to have the means
And either you do
Or you don’t,

Either the wind blows your way
Or it don’t,
Although if it does
You don’t know it,

For that would be too easy!
And so, so often people think
They’ve got it made,
When they’ve but turned another page,

It’s so difficult to gauge,
There’s no meter
And no instruction book,
We just make it up
As we race along it and get hooked.

Enjoyable: Opposition?

Sometimes
I wish
That
I could find
A simpler way,

So that,
There would be
Enough time in the day
To simply enjoy life.

But,
The other way
Could be,
To enjoy it anyway;

And yet,
Not ‘anyway,’
Because that implies
‘In spite of,’

Which merely sets up
An opposition right away,
As if
There is one,

And then
There is one,
And I’m right back
Where I started again.

And so, the question is,
How to get off that?
Which may be the right question
Or it may not,

Is there an opposition?
Some would say so,
Other’s not,
How can this be?

Enjoyed: Plain Folly

And finally,
Speechlessness!
And, “It’s so funny,
How I can’t talk anymore!”

And yet,
I wrote this!
Hilarious!
Precarious!

How precious
This moment is,
How mundane,
How powerful!

These words
Just come
And keep on coming,
No matter what I do,

And what do I do?
I write,
Again and again,
Day after day,

The stream burbles,
Bubbles and giggles,
Tickling the stones,
Which try to bar its way

And so passes on,
Laughing uproariously at obstacles,
As if such
Could deter the force of the river!

But the stones remain,
Doing their thing
And that’s all,
Working hard all day,
Laying down on the job.

Enigmatic: Confusion Entree

Oh, my!
I just thought,
‘What happened to
My original purpose?’

I had started on
This crazy trip,
With the object of
Sharing my findings

But what did I find?
I still don’t know,
Although,
I keep thinking I do.

The pain has lessoned
But for what reason?
Could it be some transformation
Or simply less stress?

Could it be
Some natural progression
Or merely
Some temporary remission?

I cannot say
And may never know,
Oh, what a predicament!
What a pickle!

Perhaps,
I have only confused
Myself
And any who read here;

And yet, I think perhaps
My days of questing
And making word stew
Are not through.

Engulfed: Getting Involved

And so,
I come at last to,
There is no cause and effect
And there is cause and effect,

What a conclusion
But now,
I shall give up
And let myself off the hook!

Let the teachers
Do the teaching,
Meanwhile,
I shall return to writing fiction,

As this seems to be
The safest course,
Even though
I know there isn’t one!

For,
Oh, what trouble
I shall get into,
I shudder to consider!

But, ‘I might as well,’
Comes to mind,
What a reason
For such a risky enterprise!

And so,
Around the wheel
I go
Once more,

Coming back
To where I’ve been before
And flowing on
From nowhere at all.

Engrossing: Here We Go Again

No loss, no gain
And yet there is
Both loss and gain,
And, oh no, I’m off again!

Rambling on
In this silly way,
Spontaneously spewing
Foolishly,

Acting independently
And
Having no choice,
I make no sense

And even if
You can
Figure that one out,
It’s meaningless!

Such silliness
Can never be fathomable
But still
It’s essential,

For only through
Great foolishness
Can wisdom flourish,
Like a well-fertilized garden,

Cultivation is futile,
Growth impossible,
How is that so?
I do not know.

‘I keep thinking,’
Is an illusion
But what an illusion!
What an amazing dream!

Engrossed: Playing

I am the dream
I am the dreamer
And
There’s no such thing
As dreams or dreamers!

Oh!
How full of nonsense,
I am!
What a funny way!

How strange
That all is
As it is,
In the way that it is,

How far out
Can it get?
I know not yet
Although looking right at it,

Playing
At being,
One moment
And at not being the next

And playing
There are moments,
Although
I know nothing of time,

Of past, present and future,
I know not,
Although,
I keep thinking that I do

And what is thinking?
I don’t know that either
And yet I still
Think I do know.

Engaging: Tea and Insight

This hot green tea
Feels so good to me!
‘Tis such a delight
A welcome respite,

Some days
It tastes so good
But on other occasions
Is gulped down without comment,

‘Tis so with all else,
Or so it seems,
What arises arises
Or not, as the case may be,

It’s in the language,
This cause and effect game;
It’s difficult to do without it
And so, it is, again and again,

But after countless hours
Of observation,
I see such variation
In how this moment is received,

One time it’s great,
I feel so fine,
And then I’m upset
Although all seems the same,

It must be different
But I cannot discern,
When I look for the source
It’s nowhere to be found,

I make up stories
About what I think
This or that is about
But where do these tales come from?
What is their origin?

Engagement: Busyness

I seem to be
Very keen
On getting everything finished
Before this month is done,

I wonder
What’s the hurry?
And where I think
I’m going so fast,

Why don’t I
Want it to last?
How far
Do I think I can go?

And what’s up
With all the questions?
All this and more
I want to know,

Such craving
And such energy,
Can’t figure out
What it’s all about,

Maybe
Someday I will,
Or if not
Perhaps it matters not,

In any case,
I continue
On with the race,
Keeping the pace

Until eventually
I start
Looking for someplace
To park temporarily.

Engaged: Riding the Waves

I feel as if
I’ve arrived
At the place
I’ve always been,

Seeing double,
I keep typing
The same word twice
And shaking with agitation,

As wave after wave
Of my migraine’s
Coming in
And going out again

But where’s the shore?
Or is that just a metaphor?
And for what I wonder,
Will I ever discover?

What was it
I was looking for?
When I set out
And when did I set out?

Oh well,
The microwave bell
Announcing my hot water
Has rung,

Time to brew
Some green tea
Before setting off
To work once more;

If I find a, ‘shore,’
Along the way,
Perhaps I’ll report on it
Tomorrow.

Enfranchisement: Free to Be

When you stop
Connecting
Your moments
Together,
This is freedom.

When you stop
Thinking
That
This causes that
Or this gives rise to that,

When you stop
Thinking,
When this arises
That arises,

But instead
Realize
The spontaneity
Of all conditions and events,
Then you are free.

Free to be at ease,
Free to explore
The exploration
And all that accompanies all,
All that is all.

And then,
The roller coaster ride
Continues to unfold,
The train keeps running
Over the tracks;

You can enjoy the view
Or gasp in horror,
Squeal with delight
Or rest in effortlessness,
Laugh or cry in comfort or discomfort.

Energized: Pining for Action

Those who think
They know
Know only
Thinking

And when the words come
They only sing
Like birds
But what do they mean?

My daily work
Is all about words,
Whereas,
I think I’d rather be

Working
In a garden,
Raking leaves
And preparing for winter;

How funny language is
And yet
We are so
Full of it!

Yap, yap, yap;
That’s what we do
But what’s the point?
(Not that there needs to be one)

We produce lots of hot air,
Perhaps that’s
The true source
Of The Greenhouse Effect!

All these human beings
Yapping all day,
Often without thinking
But either way it’s unavoidable
It’s just the way our lives are arranged.

Energetic: Suspension of Belief

When I was
Very young,
I was taught
That some day,
All good people
Would be resurrected

And in paradise
Would reside
In perfect happiness
For eternity;

And when I heard that,
I rejoiced,
Imagining myself
Spending an eternity
Studying
Every blade of grass;

But, just now,
I thought,
‘How naive,’
And at first
Was filled
With regret;

What foolishness!
How could I
Have been so gullible!
What a dolt I was
To have believed
Such an unlikely story as that!

But then at last,
I smiled,
For now instead
Of waiting on paradise,
I see eternity
In every blade of grass;
What absurdity! What folly!

Enduring: Basically Okay

As long as
There is
Even only one being
Who is suffering,
We are all suffering

And as long as
There is
Even only one being
Who is free,
We are all free.

And yet,
We continue striving,
Keep seeking for freedom,
Keep trying to escape
From suffering,

When there is
No escape from suffering
And no need
To avoid it,

No need to
Seek freedom neither,
For it is
Impossible to avoid it;

But such avoidance
Is no problem
And such seeking
Is no problem;

There is no need
For solutions or solution-seeking
And no need
To get rid of problems or suffering,
Nor to get rid of
Trying to find solutions,
Eliminate problems and suffering.

Endurance: Charged

‘I am not in charge,’
Does not work,
‘I am in charge,’
Does not work,

And so,
I am in charge
And
I am not in charge

But does that work?
And
If so,
How?

Exploration
Will tell,
Or if not,
Then something else,

Or if not,
Maybe nothing else,
Except further study
And reflection,

Followed by,
Further action
And adventure
Or misadventure,

What results
I cannot say,
Although,
I will try anyway,

As that’s what this
Is all about:
Saying what cannot be said,
Writing about
What cannot be written.

Endowment: Indecisiveness

There is
So much energy here!
It’s exhausting
To be so infused,

I can barely contain
My ardour
And yet,
I can’t seem to get any farther,

I’ve got such an itch
But keep hitting this glitch
That I can’t seem
To get it together,

Could it be
The cooler weather?
Has that
Put the zap on my head?

Oh!
But I forgot,
All is mutually arising,
Could it be that instead?

Oh well,
Whatever it is,
Hopefully,
I’ll feel better soon,

Then once again,
I can bloom like a flower
Or zoom,
Like a witch’s broom,

Darting across the sky
In the cool
Of the October morning,
Startling unwary commuters.

Endorsement: Sitting on It

What should I do?
I sit and wait
To see
What will happen next,

For if ‘I’
Does not decide,
Then there’s no need
To try,

Activity will arise,
Is arising continuously
And yet
Nothing is happening,

There is
No becoming,
No arising
And no passing,

Nevertheless,
There is action
And inaction,
Coming and going,

Together,
They nullify each other,
All is still
And everything is moving,

And so,
Movement and stillness
Are inseparable,
As are decision and indecision;

I await the settling
And when the water clears,
There’s nothing left but water molecules
Dancing and motionless.

Endlessness: Disorganized

Those who said,
“Everything is mind,”
Might just as well have said,
“Everything is mindlessness!”

The lights are on
But nobody’s home!
How wonderful!
How breathtaking!

Nobody decides
And nobody does,
For all is
Merely spontaneous!

What is
Is what is,
Is all
We really need,

I cannot be
What is
Without you,
Nor can you,

In fact,
To speak of ‘I,’
Without you
Is nonsense!

Am I making sense?
In your absence
There’s no way to tell,
For sense is between us,

We can only make sense
Together;
Fortunately,
We are never apart!