Exhausting: Venting Worry and Letting it Go

What’s next
For the coming year?
Do I ask,
What is this fear?

What’s coming
That so worries me?
Is it here already,
Is that where I want to be?

Thinking of the future
But what’s in it?
Lost my anchor so long ago
Or did I ever really have it?

Paying attention
To what I’m doing,
I take another sip
Of freshly brewed coffee, savouring it.

It’s so seldom
That I have such a treat,
Perhaps I should
Just focus on that instead,

Let the future
Take care of itself,
As it always has,
And I’ll just coast,

No hurry now,
I’ve got
No better place
To go;

The mind settled
And so,
I forget about tomorrow
And concentrate on now.

Exhausted: Doubting

Taking a break
And thinking it would be great
To be able to quit dreaming
And get to it,

Picking a goal
And following it,
Something worthwhile
And challenging,

Cleaning up
And clearing out,
To make way
For a new direction

But every time I start,
Something else gets in the way,
An unexpected project
Or obstacle,

One after the other
They demand my attention
And then comes
A temporary lull;

But then, what do I do?
I wait and wait,
To see whether or not
Something else will come up.

And then, by the time
I get going again,
Some other glitch arises.
It’s so discouraging at times,

That just when I get
One foot to go in front of the other,
Something trips me up.
It’s so frustrating
That sometimes I just give up!

Exertion: Sideways Motion

Coming into conflict
With competing aspirations:
One to rest,
The other to practice mindfulness;

Wanting to enjoy
What I have,
Rather than striving
To develop my skillfulness;

On the one hand,
Needing solid goals,
On the other,
Tiring of the effort.

Is there a balance,
An in between compromise?
Or do I flip back and forth
And, is so, will I ever land?

Is there no solid ground,
No common ground either?
Can these two
Work together somehow?

Is there a way to
Resolve this contradiction?
Or only an endless play
To and fro to the horizon;

Will I ever know?
Or is there simply no end
To this side to side motion,
No finish to these conditions;

Where else can I look?
Or is this merely a waste of time,
A vibration within a vibration,
A pattern within a pattern.

Exert: Seeking

Seeking for
Dispassion from
The inconstancy
Of the conditioned realm,

Hungering after cessation
Of incessant clinging
To unmet desire,
Impossible to satisfy,

That distracts me from
More purposeful pursuits,
Which could lead to release
From the bonds of Samsara;

Battling Mara,
Instead of walking away
And not fighting
Another day;

Dodging arrows
With agility,
Takes practice
And ingenuity,

Exactly what I need
To be freed
But difficult to keep up,
From this particular place;

Preferring ease,
To struggling with
These challenges
And difficulties;

Longing for rest,
Peace and quiet
And all the best
Of what life has to offer
And yet, seeking the end of suffering.

Exercising: Cultivation

The irritation continues
To grow,
Even though I know
It’s of no use at all,

I either have to go
Somewhere else
Or practice right effort
To let go of this folly;

Cultivating more skillful states
With determination and persistence,
Not letting my resistance
Get in the way of happiness,

No matter what’s going on,
To practice regularly,
For present benefits,
As well as long term returns,

To sustain, even temporarily,
Feelings of well being,
Abandoning bad habits
That evoke only misery and sadness;

Yet, not judging
Mistakes and lapses,
Instead investigating these
And learning from them;

Not a very original approach,
Nevertheless worthwhile
And creating good results,
If I keep trying;

As soon as the annoyance fades away,
Replaced by calm
And steadiness of mind
And an open readiness.

Exercise: Right Effort

Practicing,
With a smile,
Making effort
After a while,

To bring enjoyment
To whatever’s in
This moment,
Whenever I can,

Regardless of
What’s happening
Or what irritants
Are present

And that can be
Very challenging too,
To know what to do
When life really grates,

When so many events
Trigger such uncomfortable reactions
Or frustration erupts,
In response to multiple distractions;

Sometimes the annoyance is
That the pattern is so predictable;
That I know what people will say
Before they begin to speak,

I know what the will do
Before they act
And I know how
I will react.

You’d think by now
We’d both stop
But we keep going.
It’s almost amusing,
How foolish it gets!

Except: Becoming

Wanting to have something
To take seriously,
That’s worthwhile
And not finding it;

Getting irritated, agitated
And minding it,
Downright exasperated
About it;

What a contrast
To what
I was thinking about earlier,
Enjoying the leisure and the scenery,

Where did that go?
And where did
This come from,
This becoming?

Moving through
One state
To another,
From lightness to provoked,

Change the location,
Alter the frame of mind,
From home to work,
A huge transition, apparently;

From intermission,
To full of steam,
Feeding a dream,
To accomplish something important;

Seeing so clearly
The suffering of becoming,
Getting that point,
Nay, the entire quiver of arrows!

Excellent: Cheerfully

Chilly winds blow winter in
And so, it’s hot tea
And suiting up warmly
Before setting out,

Getting dressed
Takes such a long time
That one hesitates to make the effort,
Except for essential errands.

Hence, when I prepared to grocery shop,
I rolled out my bundle buggy,
The one held together
By coat hanger wire and a metal ring,

This wreck that had been abandoned,
That I fixed up as best I could
And yet has carried many a heavy load,
Over these past seven plus years;

And out into
The icy breeze I ventured,
Scarf well wrapped
And hat and gloves pulled on tight

But a refreshing change
From the rains,
Earlier in the week,
For at least twas clear and dry,

Not a cloud overhead
And the streets practically empty,
As everyone who could be
Stayed in or drove somewhere else, I suppose,

Thus I had the city walks
Mostly to myself,
Even though I shopped downtown
But that was fine with me.

Excel: Practicing Right Effort

After a short interval
Of rest and relaxation,
It’s back to
My to-do list,

Which brings up
Much anxiety
And to this
I bring,

‘Breathing in,
I calm the body,
Breathing out
I calm the body’

And the distress vanishes,
At least temporarily
And on I go
To the next task,

Which although I dislike it
I continue to
Try to bring to it,
Right effort,

For, if this is all I have,
Then, I might as well
Practice enjoyment of it,
No matter what I think of it

And this practice,
Although it does not
Make circumstances better,
Creates good feelings around circumstances,

The situation
May not change
But I’m well prepared
In case it does,
Strengthening the mind as I go.

Exactly: Reflecting on Experience

Dismal weather
But undeterred
I go about
My chores,

Grateful
That everything works,
At least
For today,

Bluish moods come and go,
Thinking of death
And reflecting upon
The nature of things,

Seeing the inconstancy
Of experience
And how it all goes
In the end

But does it really?
Is there no return?
Does eternity exist?
Is immortality a possibility?

Or would I want that?
In this civilization of ours,
The way it is,
Maybe not,

The news reports of the past few days
And predictions of the future
Have not inspired confidence,
In the potential benefits of such an outcome;

I trust I need not enumerate
All that goes on
And which makes me wonder:
Does nature perhaps even smile
At the prospect of our departure?

Exactitude: Resolve

Developing dispassion
Towards inconstancy
Is shaping up to be
A worthy goal,

As I see
That my mind
Most clings to
Wanting things to continue,

Especially seeking
The reliability
Of that which I prefer
And seem to expect,

Not sure of
The origin of
These expectations
But they’ve got to go,

If I want to
Stop suffering
And that seems to me
A worthwhile endeavour,

Because I discern
How much of that there is
And how much of it
Has to do with craving reliability,

When, for instance,
I hear an unpleasant noise,
I see that what I really wanted was
For the quiet to continue

And that what particularly annoys
Is that it doesn’t
But instead comes and goes
In accordance with causes and conditions;
And so, I resolve to try to cultivate dispassion.

Exaction: Characteristic of Existence

Here I am
On another errand,
Aching all over
From the weather change,

Then finishing that
Have many chores,
Going down my list
And checking them off,

Now sitting
And reflecting
On my day
And writing this way,

Normal activities
Continue unabated,
Regardless of
The shape I’m in,

Have to keep going,
As no one else to do it,
Keep going through it
Just as it is,

Then pouring hot water
For a refreshing cup
Of green tea
That brings me up,

Preparing me
For more activity,
It’s getting late
But still much to do,

An endless agenda
To look forward to
But at least
I’m still able to do it.

Exacting: Prodigious Effort

The chilly weather persists
And the Fibro-pain and discomfort deepens,
Waking up with unpleasant images
Surging through my head,

Nevertheless trying to find
The right effort
To put it all behind
And settle the jumpy mind,

Set off to shop
At the local farmer’s market,
Despite my misery and malaise
And the cold air enjoyed

But then upon return
Felt exhausted and worn,
Reluctant to go back out
And visit the grocery store

But I needed margarine
And other assorted items
And eventually managed
To push aside the resistance,

Then filled my basket high
With basic necessities,
No frills for this low budget operation
But still my backpack was heavy,

Hefting an impressive load
For one so tired out,
Which made me feel better then
And when remembered afterwards,

Still feeling weak,
I offered encouragement
To the unsteady mind,
Heated up my supper and ate it
And left for work on time.

Evoked: Concentration Rising

Here we go again,
Back to work
But in a happy mood,
Feeling free,

Lightness prevails,
Even in darkness,
Outside it’s gloomy,
Inside it’s cheery,

The clouds have cleared
And there’s a chill in the air
But it’s warm in here
And without any apprehension,

Bewilderment has gone through,
Along with the storm
And quiet prevails
All the way around,

Not minding the wind,
Disregarding the obstacles,
“Putting aside greed
and distress with reference to the world” (SN: 48:10),

I remain focused
And steady,
The mind unshakable,
My concentration unbreakable,

Mindfulness is here too,
Awareness and calm,
Peacefulness and hereness,
Ease and fearlessness,

Imperturbable and present,
Ready for whatever becomes evident,
Wholly immersed
In this.

Evocatively: Putting Aside

As for my Fibromyalgia
It’s alive and kicking
Just like a
Spirited child,

If only it would similarly
Grow up
And leave home
For good,

Which,
Stretching the analogy,
Makes me wonder,
Who gives birth to whom,

Do I give rise to it?
Or does it give rise to me?
Or do we both
Arise spontaneously?

And some might say,
That both are so
Or neither,
But

All this
Incessant speculation
Grows tiresome
And so,

I sip
My coffee
Quietly
And forget all about it,

Enjoying the view
Of the crystal clear
Blue sky
Outside my window.

Evocative: Brunch

I’ve heard it said
That
Liberation is
In this moment

But I would say
That
Liberation is
This moment

What do I mean?
I don’t know
And so,
Maybe,

Liberation
Is
Where you find it,
Wherever that is

And now,
It’s time
To prepare
My brunch,

I have no
Lunch
Due to
My peculiar working hours,

Which stretch
Into the night,
As that’s
Just what I do,

It’s the way
My work is set up,
Which makes this sunny day,
Oh, so much more beautiful!

Evocation: Wise Effort

Looking for information
Led to no answers
For my fibro-situation
And so led to more frustration,

‘Okay,
That’s it!’
I cried,
It’s back to basics,

Making supper
Is tonight’s practice,
Getting on with
My life, as it is,

This shall be
My way,
To make the best
Of every day!

To celebrate
The small victories,
Of grocery shopping
And getting on with work,

Waking up
Every day,
Donning my courage
And making an effort;

Some days
I succeed
And some days
I fail

But there’s no reason
To wail,
I just get up again,
When I’m able
And apply whatever energy is available.

Evermore: Questing

I find it useful
To consider
The possibility
That

Seeing every day
As the start
Of a new quest,
Could be beneficial,

To do so,
Is to begin
Each day
Wide open,

To be
On the alert
For potential solutions,
Without grabbing onto anything in particular,

To be excited
At the prospect of
A fresh adventure
About to unfold,

To not know
Where the seeking
May lead
Or what may be found,

This seems
An appealing way
And what draws people
Out of their shells,

To pursue but never to find,
For upon finding, what then?
Why, another search, of course! What else?
So, what’s the rush to find?
You might as well enjoy the quest.

Everlastingly: Here it Goes Again

Energy roiling around
Inside my head,
Like a hissing cat,
All cranky and tense,

Steam blows,
Frustration grows,
Fibro-fog has no respect
For attainment or achievement,

Nature remains unimpressed
By the strivings
Of an aspirant
And most unsympathetic,

What shall I do
With a head
Full of fluff,
Drowning in dizziness and kafuffle?

Fumbling about
For some solution
And finding none,
Mind scrambled like eggs,

So infuriating
It makes my brain ache,
As it struggles
To cope with this ongoing impediment,

This has
Gone on too long!
But it ignores
All protests and complaints,

If Fibromyalgia were a politician
It would be bounced out of office!
But this scourge knows nothing of democracy,
Or if it does, I’ve been outvoted!

Everlasting: Flow

I had
Quite a scare,
As Fibromyalgia jitters
Grabbed me by the hair

But then I saw
How existence is,
That there is no distinction
Between nibbana/nirvana and THIS,

No distinction between
Existence and non-existence,
Permanence and impermanence
Self and not self,

This right here is it,
The flow of what is,
What isn’t,
What is and what isn’t,

Everything I see
Is it
And so
Am I

And you are it too
And so is everything else,
Everything above, below,
Before, behind, beside and within

And this is all
We need to know,
Over and over,
Every moment

And even when
We are through knowing,
If that is what happens,
We will still be what we are,
Which is, just this.

Eventual: When?

Dancing with
The great doubt,
Whose icy tendrils
Wrap around my heart,

Starring into the flame
That burns in my chest,
Fibromyalgia comes calling
Once again,

Discouragement flares up
Along with the pain,
Reminding me again
Of the impossible dream,

Of being free of this scourge
But when will that happen?
And there’s so much
That goes with it,

All this sensitivity
And such,
Sometimes, I tell you
It’s all too much!

Round and round
Roll the doubting thoughts,
How disheartening,
What rot!

Luckily I’ve got
My practice to fall back on,
I sink into the cushion
And turn towards the disturbance,

Feeling the energy
Go up and down
And sending it
Throughout the body
To nourish every hungry cell.

Evaporating: Calming the Restless Mind

Galloping elephants again!
Such agitation,
Such fear, such doubt,
What’s this all about?

Better not to ask
I think,
As I don’t think
I will ever figure it out,

Better to let the elephants
Pass through,
Unimpeded
And the mind relaxed a little,

Remembering
The benevolence of the elephants
That they do not
Mean to cause trouble

And, are in fact
Quite unaware
Of the difficulties
They bring to the forest,

Directing compassion
Towards the elephants
And the forest
And the trees,

Slowly, very slowly
The mind is soothed
And quiet ensues,
As the shadows lengthen,

The frenzied energy
Is replaced by bliss,
Which spreads throughout,
Bringing peace and renewal.

Evanescent: Interlude

It is so pleasant
To have the leisure
To engage
In life’s simple pleasures,

A filling breakfast,
A cup of tea,
Watching the world scurry
To and fro outside my window,

Life is not so bad
When one has the time
To sit back and observe,
Even if so much of it is absurd,

Even if one’s budget
Is so small,
That one can barely
Go anywhere or do anything at all,

These precious moments
Arise and fall
And I don’t have to
Put up with the crowds at the mall,

To stay out of the stores
This year is my goal
But instead to enjoy
The quiet pleasures

Available to me,
Which I would wish
To be extended to all,
May all beings be happy,

May they be well,
May they be at peace,
May they be safe,
May they be comfortable.

Evanescence: Short Break

The elephant tirade continues
Until it resolves into
An orderly parade,
A disciplined promenade,

The elephants stop
Beside a lake
And take a drink,
Watching warily for predators

And so,
I sit once more,
Amidst this temporary lull
In whatever ails me,

Although it’s better
Not to consult the list,
Or I’ll start to feel sorry for myself
All over again,

Lonesome and depressed,
Wondering ponderously
Or wandering aimlessly,
Until something better occurs to me,

This pointless rumination
Must stop
And so, thinking of the elephants
I cheer up,

They really are
Such beautiful creatures,
So intelligent,
Gregarious and elegant,

So well formed
And marvelous,
A tribute to
Nature’s ingenuity.

Evaluating: Closer Examination

Fear, fear, fear,
Agitation and doubt,
What a bout
And what’s it about?

Could it be,
I feel so safe to feel
That I’m ready
To let these hungry ghosts out?

Out, out, ghosts,
Go feed elsewhere,
I’ve better things to do
Or so I tell myself,

For maybe that’s the trouble,
It’s all so mundane,
So repetitive,
What a strain!

And yet,
There is much good here,
My pain is under control,
It’s only my fear that’s rampaging,

Like five elephants tied to a pole,
The five hindrances tug and pull,
Until they rip it out of the ground
And stampede into the forest,

Dragging the pole with them
And finally it gets stuck
In between two trees,
Which they tear down,

In their fear and fury
They run amok,
Galloping across the meadow,
Finally fleeing even from their own shadows
As the night sets in.

Evaluate: Trying to See

Agitation, doubt and fear,
To which nature agrees
As the weather
Is filthy!

Steely grey clouds
Loom over the city,
Darkening the sky
And oppressing the mind,

The driving rain
Peters out to drizzle,
Leaving behind
A mucky mess,

How similar
To the state of mind
In which I awoke,
And which I cannot shake,

How not to identify with this
Becomes the difficult task,
‘What of it?’ cries the voice of doubt,
‘What good is this doing!’

‘Try it and see,’
Comes the helpful reply
But it’s too weak
And the enemy is strong

And so,
I resort to writing,
Which at least
Gets my mind onto something else for a while

And gradually,
As I engage in this process,
The butterflies of fear gather together
And begin to fly in close formation.

Etching: Mindfulness Day

Everything’s quieter
As I take a day off,
From running faster and harder
Before returning to the race,

Sitting leisurely
Sipping coffee,
While waiting for oatmeal
Cooking on the stove,

Dressed up with almonds
And an apple sliced up,
With ginger and cinnamon
And skim milk,

Eaten with a spoon
From a large metal bowl
That I then wash
And the counter clean up,

Then brushing my teeth,
Mindfully noticing
What that feels like,
Enjoying the sensations in the mouth,

Combing my hair
And washing my face,
Before settling down
For some mindfulness practice,

Mentally noting
What sensations are present,
What feelings,
What thoughts,

And what it’s like
To be examining,
Experiencing this way
And from this point of view.

Etch: Tuning In

Continuing to spin,
Considering rapidly
What’s on my list
That I may have missed,

Pausing to sit
And feel the energy
In the body,
Fizzing happily,

Moving on
To more work
I have to do
But carrying that experience more lightly,

Filtering it through
The body,
Relaxing into
The activity

But still aware
Of experience
And consciousness
Of what that’s like,

Makes it easier
To stay mindful,
When one takes the time
To sit and check in

And it only takes
A few minutes
To tune in
To what’s on,

To observe carefully
What’s here,
As it appears
And disappears.

Et Cetera: Catching Up

So much
Is going on
That I’ve gotten behind
Once again,

Making up
For all the time
I got ahead
Of myself instead,

Faster and faster
I have to go,
Even though
I’d rather go slowly,

Surrounded by chatter now,
Trying to think,
Hounded by doubts,
About what’s the link,

Where’s the connection
Between practice and now,
When the to-do list is long
And I’m in a rush,

Getting involved
In busy activity,
Forgetting all about
Lightness and levity,

Pursuing my goals
Way to seriously,
Working away
And pushing furiously,

Scrambling to get
Somewhere else,
Then suddenly remembering
To check in with reality.

Estuary: Practice Entry

A day of meditation,
Of turning inward
And feeling
The energy within,

That comes in
Different flavours,
Depending on
What mood I’m in

And then,
Feeling this energy,
I imagine it
Suffusing the entire body,

Every cell
Gets
An equal share
And every structure too,

And not to forget
Every bit of space
Whether in between
Or within,

And when the job is done,
It’s so much fun
That strong bliss arises,
Which in turn is distributed

First within the body with loving-kindness
And then expanding outward
To all beings with compassion
And then to all of everything,

In every direction,
Every realm,
Every astral plane
Everywhere
And finally, there is equanimity.

Estimation: Letting Go of Concepts

My words
Are as mindless
As the wind
But what is the wind?

The wind is mind too
And so are
These mindless
Words

That blow
Like the mindless wind,
Through
The mindless mindful mind;

And how can such mindfulness
Arise from
This mindless wind
That comes and goes?

Nobody knows
But who
Is
This nobody?

And how
Will I
Recognize this nobody
If and when we meet?

And so,
The wind blows
Or
It doesn’t,

It keeps blowing
Or
It stops
But when it stops
Where does it go?

Establishment: Repetition

Last day of November,
Where’s the year gone?
It’s still there,
Right where we left it.

I cooked enough food
For two days
But feel like
Eating the whole thing!

Must be a cold winter
On the way,
If that’s
What’s happening;

Food, food,
It always
Comes back
To food,

I watched
As I got involved
In cooking,
Mindfully attentive

And then,
When eating,
Forgot
All about it,

What fun,
Getting involved
And forgetting
And remembering again;

I’m not sure
What it means
Or what use
To which if can be put
But at least it’s enjoyable, anyway.

Established: Beginner’s Mind

Maybe we don’t need to know
Where HERE is
And we just need to
Start from this place,
Whatever or wherever that is.

What then is this meditation?
To just sit and experience here,
Just as it is,
Without comment?

But we do this
All the time
And so
Maybe that’s all we need to do,

What we’ve always done
But did not realize
We were doing
All the time;

But how
Can we DO that?
Or maybe
That’s the wrong question,

Perhaps,
The question is,
How can we
Not do that?

If we do it
All the time,
Then there’s no need
To try or not try;

We just do it,
Without asking
How or why,
No business, no fuss.

Establish: Garbage in, Garbage Out

There’s nothing to be attained and there’s no one here to attain it,
Or so I’ve heard.

But then, who is typing this?

Nobody is typing this.
In fact, there is no typing either.
But what does this mean?
UNKNOWN.

How then do you stop clinging?
YOU can’t.
Because, there’s no YOU to cling,
No YOU to stop clinging,
No clinging and no not clinging.

It’s all a dream
And there’s nothing outside the dream,
As the dream is no different from what there is.
But what is the nature of this dream/what there is?
UNKNOWN.

SYSTEM MEMORY INSUFFICIENT
THIS PROGRAM HAS PERFORMED AN ILLEGAL OPERATION AND WILL BE SHUT DOWN.
SYSTEM CRASH
MEMORY PURGED
SYSTEM RESTART
IGNORANCE IS BLISS,
FOLLOWED BY
SUFFERING,
FOLLOWED BY
THERE IS SUFFERING
BUT WHO IS SUFFERING?
NOBODY.
REALIZATION.
CESSATION OF SUFFERING.
DATA ENDS.

But if I want to eat now,
I still have to make supper!

Essentially: To-Do List

What’s on?
Rain today,
A regular drizzle,
That finally fizzled out,

Lifting spirits
And freshening the air,
Cooler breezes
Coming in this week I hear,

Winter snow
Cannot be far behind,
Festive season
Coming on soon,

Not much more to do,
No shopping spree
Planned for this year,
At least, not so far,

Thoughts of loved ones
Who have turned away
But mostly so long ago,
There’s little remaining dismay,

Instead, focused on
Bringing comfort where I can,
To those still struggling
With abandonment,

Giving rise to compassion,
Resolving to arose abundant energy
For the task,
To make the effort last,

Forsaking any ghosts that may arise from the past,
Turning attention towards
The work ahead
And concentrating on that instead.

Essential: Compassion

All is all
And yet,
This is
Not often seen

And then,
Compassion arose,
For all the blindness
And all the suffering that causes

But wait,
If this indivisibility
Is the way it is,
Then what’s the problem?

There is compassion
Because of this
Lack of separation,
As all is all one being,

One being,
Which cares,
As each of us
Cares about ourselves,

What could be more natural
Than for such
To be so
For all towards all?

Even though such separation,
Such conflicts as are seen
And such suffering
Are only at the surface,

Still,
There is suffering
And there is compassion felt
Towards this suffering.

Essence: Reconciliation

What a peculiar interlude,
As boundaries dissolved
And I felt the indivisibility
Of all

But then later,
Hatred burst forth
And I brought mindfulness to it,
Or so I thought,

For as I finished
And got up,
The oddest feeling overcame me,
That I’d been deeply deluded,

It was as if,
I’d been someone else,
Some alien being,
Totally foreign,

Shocked and dismayed
I turned away
From this unpleasant experience,
Rejecting it,

Then later,
When feeling more connected
And having time to
Concentrate,

Turned inwards
Once again
And there it was,
This intense ill will,

What to do?
I considered,
Then held it with compassion,
Spreading joy and happiness throughout.

Espy: Looking at Looking

Dead ending
After much thought,
Not sure where I’m at
Or where I ought to be,

Looking outward,
Looking inward,
Seeing no difference
Or seeing darkness all around,

One minute
Caught up in fantasy,
Next minute
Very realistic,

Looking ahead
And looking behind,
Not seeing much
Through the decades of grime,

Washing the mirror
And looking again,
Seeing the reflection
But not recognizing it,

Can’t believe it
And yet I can,
How did I get here?
Maybe a stupid question,

Making a snack
And getting ready for bed,
Thinking about thinking
Then forgetting it instead,

Up in the wee hours,
Is not good for me,
Delays my morning
And does not make me free.

Espouse: Delving into Impermanence

Impermanence
Is on my mind,
I see it clearly
Whenever I look deeply
Into whatever I find,

My clinging it unbinds,
As I clearly perceive
The pointlessness
Of grasping onto anything;

And too,
Even the experience of
Knowing impermanence
Is impermanent

But if there is a purpose,
It seems to me,
We’re here to know
The freedom of thoroughly knowing:

Suffering
And it’s causes,
Cessation of clinging
And the path to that end,

That all the pleasures
And the pains
Of this world,
Are impermanent,

When one discerns this completely,
This is
The good news of
The Buddha Dhamma,

To discover this
And discern it fully
Is to be wide open to
The truth of the end of suffering.

Espousal: Befriending the Body

Turning towards
The body,
Noticing pain
And considering what to do,

Turning attention to
The low back discomfort,
Settling in with that
And feeling the warmth increase,

Comfort flows
From the attention,
Relaxing the muscles
And bringing relief,

Back of the shoulders
Burns and tenses,
Focusing on that
Feeling the breathing,

Seeing that place
A good location for
Mindfulness of breathing,
As well as soothing,

Stayed with that,
Feeling the vibrations
And expansion and contraction
As the breath moves through,

Mind settling into
Knowing the breath motion
From this vantage point,
Steady and strong,

The breathing continues,
The attention is solid,
Held in place,
With a pleasant embrace.

Equivocal: Uncertainty

Awakened in
The middle
Of the night
By the sniffles

And still later,
By a noisy dream
Or was it real?
I could not discern,

Runny nose,
Unmotivated, tired,
Later concluded
Was a sinus cold,

Lethargy,
Uncertainty and doubt,
Punctuated by amusing insightful interludes
And more mystification,

Not sure
Where this is going
But eventually
Will reach some conclusion,

Unreliability
Of experience
On my mind,
Wondering,

Upon what then
Do I base
My conclusions?
Bafflement,

As I try to
Figure that one out,
Pausing only to sneeze three times
And blow my nose.

Equation: Seeing Through Doubt

In doubt,
I concluded,
‘No one is trustworthy,
No one is reliable’

And asked,
‘Is there anything
‘Trustworthy?
Anything reliable?

NO!
Nothing is trustworthy,
Nothing is reliable,
Nothing is permanent neither.’

And then,
At once
I fell into
Despair

But then
I realized,
If nothing is trustworthy, reliable
Or permanent neither, then

Despair too
Is untrustworthy,
Despair is unreliable,
Despair is impermanent

And as this sank in,
Very slowly
A smile
Appeared,

For if
Despair too is
Untrustworthy, unreliable and impermanent,
Then it’s not a problem.

Equanimity: Trading Frustration for Insight

I am so frustrated,
So very frustrated
But
What of the Buddha?

Even the Buddha
For all his powers
Could not stop
People from being people;

He could not stop
Reality from being reality,
Nor stop anyone
From falling into darkness,

All he could do was
Show people a possible way,
A way to get out
But he could not free anybody,

How frustrating,
How frustrating!
How relevant
To my situation,

I want to help people
But the obstacles
Seem so insurmountable
At times,

Greed gets in the way
Ignorance gets in the way
Ill will gets in the way
And all the consequences of these get in the way,

How like
The Buddha’s predicament,
For even with all he had going for him,
Even he could not change this.

Equable: Practice Rejuvenated

Bringing comfort
To a mind
That’s had
Better days,

More years behind
Than ahead,
Is a theme
That’s been coming up

And so,
All the more
Important that
Practice be more active;

And as the days
Grow shorter,
The practice time
Grows longer,

Reflection too
And contemplation,
As well as reading through
The Suttas in translation,

Finding
Much to consider
And methods
To apply

But mostly
Right effort
Is the technique upon which
I rely,

After spreading
Good feelings
Throughout the mind/body,
I watch to see what arises
And respond as skillfully as I can.

Epic: The Unending Search

Joyfully seeking,
No boundaries,
No grasping,
Only expansion of attention,

For I know not
What I’m seeking,
No solution
Is apparent,

Could it be
This is the destination:
To just keep looking,
Never finding,

For,
When I find,
I find no satisfaction,
Or merely cling

But when I seek,
Not knowing
What the answer
May be,

Never stopping,
Never settling down,
Nowhere to sit,
Nowhere to stand,

Looking all ways,
All at once,
Waiting
For a response,

Everything
Is wide open
And I just
Feel free.

Envisage: Expanding the Search

Feeling drained
Yet full,
Like a waterfall,
The water constantly pours away
But the waterfall never empties,

Cascading down the mountainside,
Always at home
But in no place does it abide,
As it’s never the same,

Far and wide
They praise its power and beauty
But it knows nothing
Of these, nor any name,

The sound it makes
Can be heard for miles
But it knows not
Of hearing,

It shouts out,
“Emptyness!”
Although it has
No voice,

And only those
With ears
And open minds
Can hear its message,

How precious
The sound is,
So beneficial,
So restful

And yet,
The seeker
Must continue seeking,
Never resting, not even for one moment!

Enveloped: Busy

Running behind,
After taking it
Too easy
It seems,

Now,
Trying to get
Some focus
In my practice

But having
No luck,
Really feeling stuck
And not sure where to go,

Sometimes
Feeling like
I’d like to quit
But what to do instead?

Do I need
To do anything?
Or
Just get on with it,

Many tasks
Needing my attention,
Too many to mention
And yet, what’s needed?

Are they really
That important?
Or
Am I just making this up?

It’s not too clear
But I have no time now
To figure it out,
And so, I shall get up
And get to work.

Entrusting: Letting Go Into Action

Decisions, decisions,
So many choices
And directions
I could take,

Indecisive and confused
But full of energy
And so applied it
To daily tasks,

Much accomplished
And satisfaction obtained,
Then back to considering
What next to prepare for,

Turning inward,
Reflecting on practice,
Where is that going?
And where do I want to go with that?

What is enough?
What has been left out?
So many questions,
So many possible answers,

The mind is busy
And yet at rest,
Thinking, evaluating,
Imagining and figuring

But comfortable for now,
Following it’s own way
Enjoying a quiet evening
Of chores and audio Dharma talks,

Looking forward to tomorrow already
And yet preparing for bed,
Easing into a lower gear,
And feeling like
Enough has been said.

Entrenched: Deeply Engaged

Wild ride,
Coming home
To here
And setting off to shop,

Getting groceries
With gusto,
Not wanting
To stop!

Having
A wonderful time,
Being
And not being,

Remembering
And forgetting,
Feeling energy overflowing,
Rushing fully and deeply,

Not feeling sleepy
But zestfully present,
Not minding anything,
Not even opposition,

Fearlessly facing forward
And marveling at
The miracle
Of existence,

This life too short
But what’s it like?
Delicious!
When seen from a certain way

And what is that?
I couldn’t say
But I carry on enjoying it,
On, and on.

Entrapment: Stuck

Feeling sluggish,
Like nothing matters,
Under water,
Blowing bubbles;

Trying to get engaged,
Seeking the means
But discovering nothing
Except pipe dreams;

Disappointments
Keep piling up,
As if daily living
Wasn’t enough!

Struggling to get going
And falling back,
Trying again
But making no gains,

One minute it’s okay
And the next it’s a big deal,
Changing so fast
It makes me reel,

Running around
The hamster wheel
But at least it’s good exercise,
Even if it has no appeal!

Not making progress,
Except to yield
To the whole situation
And wait with patience,

As pretty soon
The picture will change
And then a new direction
Will emerge.

Entrance: Dukkha

If we base our happiness upon,
Whether we are rich or poor,
Happy or sad,
Or angry or at peace
Then we suffer!

If we base our happiness upon,
Whether or not we
Get what we want,
Or whether or not
The current conditions
Of our lives
Are to our liking,
Then we suffer!

If we base our happiness upon,
Whether it’s sunny or cloudy,
Hot or cold,
Wet or dry,
Then we suffer,

If we base our happiness upon
Whether we are
Healthy or sick,
Being born or dying,
Then we suffer,

If we base our happiness upon
Whether we are alone
All the time,
Or have many friends,
Who rally round us
Whenever we are in trouble,
Then we suffer!

And do we base our happiness upon
All of these
And more?
You bet we do!
And so, we suffer!

Entity: Doubt Flow

Doubt persists,
Leaking out all over,
Manifesting itself
In many different ways,

How to relate to that?
I peer steadily
At this drip, drip, drip,
Increasing to a trickle

And then I take a sip,
Tasting it carefully
And watching the result
As the bitter liquid slides down my throat,

Not so bad
If swallowed in one gulp,
Although it gets stuck
About halfway down,

Making a lump
That’s difficult to digest,
And then gradually resolving
Into a sticky mess,

I wait patiently
To see what happens next
But the mass just sits there
And refuses to budge,

‘Oh well,’ I think,
‘I will continue
To meditate
For the happiness it brings,

That at least is something
To look forward too,
Although to what this may lead
I am not so sure.’

Entirety: Lessons of the Heart

Going forward
I keep returning
To the heart’s eye view
Of what there is,

I ask my questions
And find therein
All the answers
I’ve sought so long

But what is the heart?
I haven’t the faintest notion,
How strange to trust the unknown
And then doubt resurfaced again

And so,
I face that hindrance
Once more,
Looking into it,

No easy answers
Do I find,
To climb out from under
This obstacle again

And so the search
Continues anew,
For remedies to combat
Mara’s motley crew,

To dispel, erase,
Be present for
And/or see into,
This unwelcome embrace,

This is my task
For as long as it takes;
But with the heart as ally
I will not fail
And in the end (if there be one) will prevail.

Entirely: Back to the Heart

So bogged down and gummed up,
Engrossed in insoluble problems
And wrestling with them
Until the ground shook,

The way seemed
Completely blocked
And I felt so despondent and stuck
With no means to get through or get up,

Sinking fast
And with no rescuer in sight,
Nor even a tree branch
Upon which to latch,

Doubt piled upon doubt,
Confusion on confusion,
Fully steeped in delusion
And ruinous rumination,

So concentrated on
Seeking answers or solace
That all else seemed pointless
And my attention locked onto the searching,

Peering deeply into
The source of the suffering,
Seeing nothing except seeing,
Waiting for what?

Then finally came
A route to follow,
As Ajahn Chah’s suggestion
Came back to me,

Namely that
Of reading
The book
Of the heart
And there at last, I found peace.

Entire: Turn Around

Rage foamed up
But this time
I saw the futility
Of this folly,

Reminded myself
That this does no good,
And indeed
Is quite unhelpful to the mind and body

And then,
I asked myself
What I could do
To relate to this more skillfully;

The answer on this occasion
Was
To get up
And do my yoga routine

Designed for pain management and good health
And repeated throughout the day,
Moving all my joints
And tuning up the spine;

By performing this routine
I forget the rage
And replaced it with
Vitality and happiness;

Right effort here
Transformed an emerging negative mood
Before it grew to an unmanageable size,
And swallowed up all awareness,

Illustrating how
With a little mindfulness
And exertion
One can turn around.

Enthusiasm: Stirring

What is
The great
Mystery
Of life and death?

I would say,
It is
The same as
The mystery of

Waking up
In the morning
And
Getting out of bed,

Making breakfast
And
Heading off
To work,

How do
We do that?
And how do
We breathe?

And so,
In a great state
Of fatigue
I somehow get on with it,

How miraculous is that?
And so,
Somehow
Life goes on,

How incredible!
That
These activities
Go on, and on and on, unceasingly.

Enthralled: Making a Long Story Short

Yearning for inspiration
But receiving only consternation,
Reaching an impasse
And feeling pressed,

Flatter than a dime,
Way too much time
Wasted on nothing much,
Basic living and such,

Hours on the phone
Because of feeling lonesome,
Longing for good news
Or even a few clues!

Seeking some kind of balance
And a new way to use my talents,
Not finding a way,
Merely finding no way,

Maybe no way is best
And everyday miracles do the rest,
Seeing the mundane in the miracles,
The simple as more complicated than calculus;

Then it’s back to buying vegetables
And trying to make my handwriting legible,
Frightened by the ordinary
And unimpressed by the extraordinary,

Trying to see how they’re interlaced,
Getting lost
And wondering what that is
And marveling at being found,

Unable to make anything work
But would be boring if I knew what it was
That gets in the way,
There’d be no more games to play.

Entertainment: Not Sure

Not sure
What to say
As
The mind is quiet,

Not much
Going on,
The word factory
Is silent,

And then,
Just then,
Although I didn’t notice,
It started up again.

But now
Is just now
And
That’s all there is to it;

I can’t see through it
And I can’t get rid of it,
I’m a little fed up with it
And yet, still with it,

Life comes and goes,
And I’m content
To sit with it,
Relaxed and attentive,

Enjoying the view,
Although it’s misty,
A translucent fog
Having come up,

Not sure
What that’s about
Or what it is,
Or what’s the difference.

Entertain: Now is My Only Home

My home is now,
It’s the only place
I’ve ever been
And the only place
I will ever be,

There can be
No other location,
Never was
And never will be,

Whatever is
Happening,
Is what’s always
Been happening,

Whatever I see
Is what
I’ve always
Seen,

Whatever I think
Is what
I’ve always
Thought,

There is
No continuation,
Only
The continuity of now,

Even though
There is change,
There is no change,
As I’m always here;

I can be nowhere else
Even when
I don’t know it
And cannot see it.

Enterprising: Exploring Attachment

There are times
When it seems
Attachment is merely
One of the joys of life!

Grabbing
And letting go,
Just the rhythm
Of being,

Pleasure
In each,
And
Both at once,

The presence
Of clinging
Matters not,
Nor of letting go;

And sometimes
Both are present,
In complementary portions
That don’t dilute happiness at all!

But then still,
There are other times,
When this clinging
Is very painful indeed,

Then it can be
Very distracting
And difficult to endure,
Until at last it goes;

Then relief follows
But watch out!
For unwariness can lead to
Grabbing onto that relief
And suffering may follow.

Enterprises: Pausing and Moving On

Ah, where to go
From here,
There seems
To be some doubt,

The sky is
Wide open,
But my direction
Unclear,

Unlike
The Monarch butterfly,
Driven to fly south
By some instinct

I seem
To have to
Work out
My own path;

With so many
Options
For
Work to do,

I paused today,
After a long stretch
Of frenzied activity,
Leading up to a deadline

And now,
Looking forward,
The game
Starts again:

The endeavour of
Deciding
Which task
Is most important.

Enterprise: Accidental Opportunity for Compassionate Practice

When I looked out on the balcony yesterday, I saw that someone had chucked a lit cigarette off their balcony onto mine. Irritated, as I already had enough to do, I opened the balcony door to retrieve it and was immediately nonplused by a large insect on the greyish stone tile. Then, however, I recognized that it was a Monarch butterfly, but with its wings so folded up that from a certain angle it looked more like a grasshopper.

It had been a cold night, with a temperature below freezing, and I had felt it too, having spent a fitful night, alternating between being too hot and too cold. I therefore guessed the butterfly had folded its wings so tightly in an attempt to keep in what little heat its tiny body could generate, and perhaps to protect it’s delicate wings from the frigid air. I decided to air the place out, thus providing some warm air for the butterfly, and as I got on with my many chores, I periodically checked in to see how it was doing. As it got warmer, the wings began to come up a little, but the butterfly was very unsteady on its legs in the cool breeze that was blowing.

A while later, I saw its open wings flexing and then closing again. Still later, I saw it crawling awkwardly across the stones. When it reached the metal cover on the window washer’s anchor, which must have been very cold indeed, it tried to climb up on that, perhaps trying to get more height from which to launch itself, but it was getting nowhere, and probably getting chilled again as well. I was tempted to intervene, but unsure what to do and fearful of causing further harm, and so I directed compassion towards the butterfly and resumed my work.

Then I saw it fluttering weakly and irregularly towards a neighbour’s balcony. And so, finally I gently spread out my hands to corral it, and offered a hand for it to climb up onto, thinking perhaps I could warm it up enough for it to be able to fly properly. After crawling onto the offered hand, however, maybe it realized that this warm soft something was alive, and it quickly hopped back off again. But the second time it crawled onto the proffered hand, perhaps as whatever this something was hadn’t tried to eat it or otherwise harm it, it quickly located a comfortable perch. Soon it began flexing its wings quite vigorously, and within a few minutes took off and soared like a bird, flapping strongly and quickly away. And so, I said farewell and wished it a safe journey. As I had beheld it resting on my hand and afterwards I reflected upon its frame of reference in relation to this encounter, whether or not its acceptance of this assistance was an active act of trust, and how this timely intervention began with a carelessly flicked lit cigarette!

Entailing: Necessary Effort

Way too much suffering!
That’s the latest theme,
No surprise really,
That’s how it seems,

Ups and downs
Are part of the scenery,
Dealing with that
As common as greenery!

Being alive
Requires a certain resilience,
Navigating this uneven stream
The essence of brilliance!

If I could only
Get the hang of it,
There would be no struggle
And I wouldn’t cling one bit!

But until
I learn how to go
‘Twill be a bumpy ride
And a long way to grow!

Until I know
How to negotiate the flow
With exceptional fluidity,
I will have to row!

Trying to get upstream
Without even knowing,
I will only make steam
Until I know how I’m going,

It can be difficult to discern
Which way the watercourse is surging,
I must be ready to turn
To find the smoothest channel.

Entailed: Looking for Skillful Means

So often
I hear
The term,
“Skillful means,”

But
I am never sure
What that means
And often get lost

And so,
I’ve decided
To try
Imagining that I know,

That
I do possess
The knowledge
Or have access to it,

That
I can see
What is skillful
And what is not,

And then
To see where,
If anywhere,
That gets me.

That’s all
I can think of
To try
For now,

And then
I’ll see where,
If anywhere,
That gets me.

Ensuing: And so On

As for
What I wrote
Yesterday,
I can make no sense of it

But
It cheered me up greatly,
For which I am grateful,
Even though it’s only mindless chatter,

Followed by more mindless chatter,
Which only serves to add
To the sum total of
Mindless chatter,

Although it seems to me
As perfectly wonderful
As all the other
Mindless chatter;

Why do we do that?
I wonder
But cannot fathom
Or discern,

Whether we’re just playing,
Or actually doing something worthwhile
I do not know
And so, I just ignore it and continue,

Ignore it, and continue,
Ignore it, and continue,
Until some other response
Occurs to me.

And then
I do that instead,
Until some other response
Occurs to me.
And then, . . . and so on, . . .

Enshrouded: Crazy

Eating oatmeal is vanity
Not eating oatmeal is vanity,
Neither eating nor not eating oatmeal is vanity
But I do it anyway!

Sleeping is vanity
Not sleeping is vanity,
Neither sleeping nor not sleeping is vanity
But I do it anyway!

Seeking is vanity
Not seeking is vanity,
Neither seeking nor not seeking is vanity
But I do it anyway!

My way is vanity
Not my way is vanity,
Neither my way nor not my way is vanity
But I do it anyway!

The Buddha way is vanity
The Not-Buddha way is vanity,
Neither the Buddha way nor the not-Buddha way is vanity
But I do it anyway!

All is vanity
Not all is vanity,
Neither all nor not all is vanity
But I do it anyway!

What is the point of all these vanities?
I do not know
And if I did I could not say
But I do it anyway!

What a crazy world!
What a crazy state of mind!
What a crazy way
Reality has come on today!

Enshroud: Lost and Found

On the way to the grocery store, thinking, felt “Lost,” and the following internal conversation ensued:

“Hello, Lost.”
“Hello.”
“How are you?”
“I’m Lost.”
“What does it feel like to be Lost?”
“Scary.”
“Would you like to be Found?”
“If I were Found, then I wouldn’t be Lost anymore, I’d be Found.”
“Okay. Found? Are you here?”
“Yes.”
“How does it feel to be Found?”
“It feels great!”
“Where is Lost?”
“I don’t know because I’m Found.”

“I’m not sure I need help now, what do you think?”

“I’m Not Sure?”
“Who is that?”
“I’m Not Sure, are you here?”
“Yes.”
“What does it feel like to be Not Sure?”
“It feels uncomfortable.”
“Comfortable?”
“Yes.”
“What’s it like to be Comfortable?”
“It feels good.”
“Good?”
“Yes.”
“What’s it like to be Good?”
“Happy.”
“Happy?”
“What’s that like? . . .”

And so on, and on
All the way there and back again!
My home is now.

Enshrined: Boundless Heartedness

We speak of
Generating compassion
Or of
Seeking wisdom

But today it appears
There is no need
To generate anything
Or seek anything,

Because
Compassion is always
Available
And so is wisdom;

For, the compassion of
The heart is large
And so is
Its wisdom

And so,
All one
Has to do
Is see that

And all one
Has to do to see that is
To read
The book of the heart;

For even when
One is steeped in involvement,
Whether awake or ignorant,
All is available.

And with this impression,
A letting go ensued
And although there was fear with this,
There was also wisdom and compassion and everything
That finally erupted into a smile.

Ensconced: Heart Notes

Picking up from where I left off yesterday, I also like Ajahn Chah’s comment, “Nowhere in the world is any real peace to be found. That’s the nature of the world. Look within yourself and find it instead” (A Tree in a Forest, 17).

The first two parts are certainly consistent with my experience and the third with my conclusion that if I want kindness, there’s no use waiting around for it to fall on me from somewhere ‘out there.’ Oh no! If I want any, I am going to have to make my own because it’s definitely an inside job.

Nevertheless, after the bliss and even the stability described in my previous post, as usual, the rage came, along with a desire for revenge.

But then, turning towards the heart and breathing through the heart, there was that stability again.

Continuing to look, I saw that the rage and desire were happening on the surface, i.e., were superficial, although moments before they had seemed so strong.

Oddly too, this part of the body in the area of the heart is a place where I often have a lot of pain from the Fibromyalgia, and it felt so strange, this combination of pain and stability.

No wonder I’ve had so much trouble finding it, as I’m often reluctant to bring my attention to that place because it hurts, but the stability too is very intense.

Then fear did indeed set in and it was back to breathing globally, i.e., with expanded attention, encompassing the entire body.

And so, I continue to see that there does indeed seem to be an instruction manual pre-installed. For every time I bring attention to the heart, I learn something new.

May the discoveries keep on coming and extend outwards to you, and you and you!
May all beings be well
May all beings be truly happy.
May all beings be free!

May it be so.

Enrolled: Taking Instruction From the Heart

One night, as I was sitting in a state of misery, it occurred to me (although I can’t remember why) to look up, A Tree in a Forest (Dhamma Garden, Chungli, Taiwan, R.O.C.: Yuan Kuang Publishing House, 1994).

The first thing that struck me was how, when asked to recommend a book on Buddhism, Ajahn Chah replied, “only one,” and pointed to his heart (vii).

And so, I decided to try reading that ‘book’ instead.

Almost at once, I began to fantasize in a way that made me feel very good, but then I remembered how whenever I get blissed out this is often followed by bouts of rage.

And then, my heart ‘said,’ “well then, don’t do that!”

“So, what do I do then?” I asked.

“Is there a middle way?”

After considering for a moment, I let go of the ‘bliss making,’ brought my attention to my breath and watched violet coloured clouds of bliss drifting off through the mind’s sky, and what was left was calm, steadiness of mind and clarity.

Uh huh! So now I see that contrary to popular opinion, we really do come with instruction manuals!

It’s like, when you buy a computer and you take it out of the box and you can’t find the instruction manual. And then somebody suggests you check the hard drive, and so you plug it in, turn it on and check the documents folder, and there it is.

So, perhaps what Ajahn Chah was saying, was that all we have to do is read the manual (which, of course, is unique to each make and model ;) ), and then we’ll know what to do.

Enriched: Deepening

Isn’t it funny
How everything
Is going ordinary again?
From infinity to beef stew!

And then back again,
And then,
‘What is this?’
‘What is this?’

I find sometimes
That all I want to do
Is sit
And ask this question,

Over and over
I inquire
And then
Await the results

And then
I forget
All about it
And move on to something else

But always
I come back again,
To asking
This question,

I’ve heard it said that
The asking
Is the point,
Whatever that means.

I’ve also heard it said that
Asking such a question is
A complete waste of time
But in any case,
It happens quite often.

Enough: When?

Darn it!
Now
I’m craving
Beef stew!

It all started
When I decided
To make it once
And then again,

And now,
It’s become a habit
And the ingredients
Have become too pricey again!

Ew! I hate that
When I get on a roll,
In a groove
Like this

And have to
Switch gears
Because of shortages
Of what I hold dear,

And yet
My favourite dish
Varies so much
It’s such a silly clinging,

But then,
What else do I expect?
It is silly
And that’s that.

That’s how it is
And that’s all
But it keeps happening
No matter what I do!

Enormously: Word Flurry

Writing
Was this easy,
Before I thought I knew
What I was doing

And now
It’s easy again,
When I’ve forgotten
Whether or not I know what I’m doing,

Still I pause for thought,
Along the way,
Reflecting upon
Whether or not I’m making sense

But if not,
Whether or not
I ought to be concerned about
Whether or not I’m making sense.

Creativity
Is such a funny thing,
How can I know it when I see it?
How can I tell?

And, what’s sense anyway?
I’m not sure
I remember that either;
I’ve dropped that thread all together,

And next I’m thinking
Of tea,
Vacuuming
And making supper,

Going to work
And coming home again,
Braving the inclement weather,
And of how easily
These words slip out together.

En masse: Infinite Reaches

My words
Just keep falling,
Like autumn leaves
Upon the page

And after a while,
Even I
Forget what they mean
Or what I thought they meant,

As autumn follows summer,
Winter follows autumn,
Spring follows winter,
Year after year,

So words
Follow words,
Endlessly,
Day after day,

But does anyone remember
The first bird
That began to sing
Last spring?

Or
The first word
Ever spoken
Or written?

Does anybody know
When that was?
And if they do,
What of it?

Was there
Ever even
A beginning?
And does that matter?

Enlivened: Goings On

I might as well
Just keep going,
As that’s the way
The wind is blowing,

It’s rushing past
Much too fast,
I’d like to slow it down
But how can I do that?

I know
Nothing about it
And can do nothing
About it,

It will slow
Or it will go on,
And who is it who waits
While it slows or goes?

You can’t base your life on dreams,
You’ve got to have the means
And either you do
Or you don’t,

Either the wind blows your way
Or it don’t,
Although if it does
You don’t know it,

For that would be too easy!
And so, so often people think
They’ve got it made,
When they’ve but turned another page,

It’s so difficult to gauge,
There’s no meter
And no instruction book,
We just make it up
As we race along it and get hooked.

Enjoyable: Opposition?

Sometimes
I wish
That
I could find
A simpler way,

So that,
There would be
Enough time in the day
To simply enjoy life.

But,
The other way
Could be,
To enjoy it anyway;

And yet,
Not ‘anyway,’
Because that implies
‘In spite of,’

Which merely sets up
An opposition right away,
As if
There is one,

And then
There is one,
And I’m right back
Where I started again.

And so, the question is,
How to get off that?
Which may be the right question
Or it may not,

Is there an opposition?
Some would say so,
Other’s not,
How can this be?

Enjoyed: Plain Folly

And finally,
Speechlessness!
And, “It’s so funny,
How I can’t talk anymore!”

And yet,
I wrote this!
Hilarious!
Precarious!

How precious
This moment is,
How mundane,
How powerful!

These words
Just come
And keep on coming,
No matter what I do,

And what do I do?
I write,
Again and again,
Day after day,

The stream burbles,
Bubbles and giggles,
Tickling the stones,
Which try to bar its way

And so passes on,
Laughing uproariously at obstacles,
As if such
Could deter the force of the river!

But the stones remain,
Doing their thing
And that’s all,
Working hard all day,
Laying down on the job.

Enigmatic: Confusion Entree

Oh, my!
I just thought,
‘What happened to
My original purpose?’

I had started on
This crazy trip,
With the object of
Sharing my findings

But what did I find?
I still don’t know,
Although,
I keep thinking I do.

The pain has lessoned
But for what reason?
Could it be some transformation
Or simply less stress?

Could it be
Some natural progression
Or merely
Some temporary remission?

I cannot say
And may never know,
Oh, what a predicament!
What a pickle!

Perhaps,
I have only confused
Myself
And any who read here;

And yet, I think perhaps
My days of questing
And making word stew
Are not through.

Engulfed: Getting Involved

And so,
I come at last to,
There is no cause and effect
And there is cause and effect,

What a conclusion
But now,
I shall give up
And let myself off the hook!

Let the teachers
Do the teaching,
Meanwhile,
I shall return to writing fiction,

As this seems to be
The safest course,
Even though
I know there isn’t one!

For,
Oh, what trouble
I shall get into,
I shudder to consider!

But, ‘I might as well,’
Comes to mind,
What a reason
For such a risky enterprise!

And so,
Around the wheel
I go
Once more,

Coming back
To where I’ve been before
And flowing on
From nowhere at all.

Engrossing: Here We Go Again

No loss, no gain
And yet there is
Both loss and gain,
And, oh no, I’m off again!

Rambling on
In this silly way,
Spontaneously spewing
Foolishly,

Acting independently
And
Having no choice,
I make no sense

And even if
You can
Figure that one out,
It’s meaningless!

Such silliness
Can never be fathomable
But still
It’s essential,

For only through
Great foolishness
Can wisdom flourish,
Like a well-fertilized garden,

Cultivation is futile,
Growth impossible,
How is that so?
I do not know.

‘I keep thinking,’
Is an illusion
But what an illusion!
What an amazing dream!

Engrossed: Playing

I am the dream
I am the dreamer
And
There’s no such thing
As dreams or dreamers!

Oh!
How full of nonsense,
I am!
What a funny way!

How strange
That all is
As it is,
In the way that it is,

How far out
Can it get?
I know not yet
Although looking right at it,

Playing
At being,
One moment
And at not being the next

And playing
There are moments,
Although
I know nothing of time,

Of past, present and future,
I know not,
Although,
I keep thinking that I do

And what is thinking?
I don’t know that either
And yet I still
Think I do know.

Engaging: Tea and Insight

This hot green tea
Feels so good to me!
‘Tis such a delight
A welcome respite,

Some days
It tastes so good
But on other occasions
Is gulped down without comment,

‘Tis so with all else,
Or so it seems,
What arises arises
Or not, as the case may be,

It’s in the language,
This cause and effect game;
It’s difficult to do without it
And so, it is, again and again,

But after countless hours
Of observation,
I see such variation
In how this moment is received,

One time it’s great,
I feel so fine,
And then I’m upset
Although all seems the same,

It must be different
But I cannot discern,
When I look for the source
It’s nowhere to be found,

I make up stories
About what I think
This or that is about
But where do these tales come from?
What is their origin?

Engagement: Busyness

I seem to be
Very keen
On getting everything finished
Before this month is done,

I wonder
What’s the hurry?
And where I think
I’m going so fast,

Why don’t I
Want it to last?
How far
Do I think I can go?

And what’s up
With all the questions?
All this and more
I want to know,

Such craving
And such energy,
Can’t figure out
What it’s all about,

Maybe
Someday I will,
Or if not
Perhaps it matters not,

In any case,
I continue
On with the race,
Keeping the pace

Until eventually
I start
Looking for someplace
To park temporarily.

Engaged: Riding the Waves

I feel as if
I’ve arrived
At the place
I’ve always been,

Seeing double,
I keep typing
The same word twice
And shaking with agitation,

As wave after wave
Of my migraine’s
Coming in
And going out again

But where’s the shore?
Or is that just a metaphor?
And for what I wonder,
Will I ever discover?

What was it
I was looking for?
When I set out
And when did I set out?

Oh well,
The microwave bell
Announcing my hot water
Has rung,

Time to brew
Some green tea
Before setting off
To work once more;

If I find a, ‘shore,’
Along the way,
Perhaps I’ll report on it
Tomorrow.

Enfranchisement: Free to Be

When you stop
Connecting
Your moments
Together,
This is freedom.

When you stop
Thinking
That
This causes that
Or this gives rise to that,

When you stop
Thinking,
When this arises
That arises,

But instead
Realize
The spontaneity
Of all conditions and events,
Then you are free.

Free to be at ease,
Free to explore
The exploration
And all that accompanies all,
All that is all.

And then,
The roller coaster ride
Continues to unfold,
The train keeps running
Over the tracks;

You can enjoy the view
Or gasp in horror,
Squeal with delight
Or rest in effortlessness,
Laugh or cry in comfort or discomfort.

Energized: Pining for Action

Those who think
They know
Know only
Thinking

And when the words come
They only sing
Like birds
But what do they mean?

My daily work
Is all about words,
Whereas,
I think I’d rather be

Working
In a garden,
Raking leaves
And preparing for winter;

How funny language is
And yet
We are so
Full of it!

Yap, yap, yap;
That’s what we do
But what’s the point?
(Not that there needs to be one)

We produce lots of hot air,
Perhaps that’s
The true source
Of The Greenhouse Effect!

All these human beings
Yapping all day,
Often without thinking
But either way it’s unavoidable
It’s just the way our lives are arranged.

Energetic: Suspension of Belief

When I was
Very young,
I was taught
That some day,
All good people
Would be resurrected

And in paradise
Would reside
In perfect happiness
For eternity;

And when I heard that,
I rejoiced,
Imagining myself
Spending an eternity
Studying
Every blade of grass;

But, just now,
I thought,
‘How naive,’
And at first
Was filled
With regret;

What foolishness!
How could I
Have been so gullible!
What a dolt I was
To have believed
Such an unlikely story as that!

But then at last,
I smiled,
For now instead
Of waiting on paradise,
I see eternity
In every blade of grass;
What absurdity! What folly!

Enduring: Basically Okay

As long as
There is
Even only one being
Who is suffering,
We are all suffering

And as long as
There is
Even only one being
Who is free,
We are all free.

And yet,
We continue striving,
Keep seeking for freedom,
Keep trying to escape
From suffering,

When there is
No escape from suffering
And no need
To avoid it,

No need to
Seek freedom neither,
For it is
Impossible to avoid it;

But such avoidance
Is no problem
And such seeking
Is no problem;

There is no need
For solutions or solution-seeking
And no need
To get rid of problems or suffering,
Nor to get rid of
Trying to find solutions,
Eliminate problems and suffering.

Endurance: Charged

‘I am not in charge,’
Does not work,
‘I am in charge,’
Does not work,

And so,
I am in charge
And
I am not in charge

But does that work?
And
If so,
How?

Exploration
Will tell,
Or if not,
Then something else,

Or if not,
Maybe nothing else,
Except further study
And reflection,

Followed by,
Further action
And adventure
Or misadventure,

What results
I cannot say,
Although,
I will try anyway,

As that’s what this
Is all about:
Saying what cannot be said,
Writing about
What cannot be written.

Endowment: Indecisiveness

There is
So much energy here!
It’s exhausting
To be so infused,

I can barely contain
My ardour
And yet,
I can’t seem to get any farther,

I’ve got such an itch
But keep hitting this glitch
That I can’t seem
To get it together,

Could it be
The cooler weather?
Has that
Put the zap on my head?

Oh!
But I forgot,
All is mutually arising,
Could it be that instead?

Oh well,
Whatever it is,
Hopefully,
I’ll feel better soon,

Then once again,
I can bloom like a flower
Or zoom,
Like a witch’s broom,

Darting across the sky
In the cool
Of the October morning,
Startling unwary commuters.

Endorsement: Sitting on It

What should I do?
I sit and wait
To see
What will happen next,

For if ‘I’
Does not decide,
Then there’s no need
To try,

Activity will arise,
Is arising continuously
And yet
Nothing is happening,

There is
No becoming,
No arising
And no passing,

Nevertheless,
There is action
And inaction,
Coming and going,

Together,
They nullify each other,
All is still
And everything is moving,

And so,
Movement and stillness
Are inseparable,
As are decision and indecision;

I await the settling
And when the water clears,
There’s nothing left but water molecules
Dancing and motionless.

Endlessness: Disorganized

Those who said,
“Everything is mind,”
Might just as well have said,
“Everything is mindlessness!”

The lights are on
But nobody’s home!
How wonderful!
How breathtaking!

Nobody decides
And nobody does,
For all is
Merely spontaneous!

What is
Is what is,
Is all
We really need,

I cannot be
What is
Without you,
Nor can you,

In fact,
To speak of ‘I,’
Without you
Is nonsense!

Am I making sense?
In your absence
There’s no way to tell,
For sense is between us,

We can only make sense
Together;
Fortunately,
We are never apart!

Endlessly: Expressive*

The rain
Is always falling
And the sun
Is always shining,

Through darkness
And light,
Through daylight
And night;

There’s
The shady side
And
The sunny side,

Black
And white,
And gradations
In between;

Depth
And height,
Watery deep
And mountain steep;

Stable
And ephemeral,
Unborn
And eternal.




*And now it’s time for me to take another break.

I hope to be back in October.

Thanks for reading!

Lee

Endless: Wheeling

And then
The bottom fell out
Of everything
And I forgot it all!

It’s almost as if
There were two of me:
A “Dharma Lee”
And a “Samsara Lee”

And I’m alternating
Between the two
And getting lost
And getting found,

Seeing reality
From alternate points of view,
Eyes open
But vision filtered by cosmic dust.

Is this how
It’s supposed to go?
Or is there such a such?
Oh well, it IS how it’s going

And so, I just keep going
And see what comes up next,
Turning the page
And reading on;

Don’t know
How far I’ve got to go,
Not even sure if
I’m going anywhere at all!

Some days up,
Some days down,
Some days can’t tell,
Some days just looking up
From the bottom of a very deep well.

Endeavouring: Exploring the Stream

If there were a division
Between Nirvana and Samsara,
Nirvana would be unattainable
But as there is no separation,
There is nothing to attain,

Nevertheless, Nirvana is realized
But what is realized?
We all live in delusion
And will continue to do so,

But as this delusion is shared,
There is no reason for sorrow
And yet there is ample justification for compassion,
As attachment to this delusion produces much suffering;

But the good news is
This suffering is
Not distinct from Nirvana,
As they are inseparable;

Looking through suffering,
One sees Nirvana
And looking through Nirvana
One sees there is suffering,

The one supports the other,
So one needs to let go of both
And yet there is no need to let go of either,
For holding on is inseparable from letting go.

Suffering is really no different from not suffering,
So there’s nothing to worry about,
One is always secure,
Always safe;

It’s said that
In understanding one Noble Truth,
For example, suffering, one understands them all.
YES! I think perhaps this is so.

Endeavour: Investigating Aversion

“I can hardly wait
To get out of here,”
The thought ripped repeatedly,
Surprising me completely!

But writing about it
Brought me naught,
Except to
Bring attention to the aversion.

Even though I’d rather
Be somewhere else,
The mental spasms are reduced
Enough to break loose;

But
What is this disruptive power?
And where from?
Turning inward, I look,

Gazing steadily,
Seeing hardness
And residual tension,
Resistant and grim,

A roaring
Rattles in the ears
But I also hear
A clock ticking somewhere;

I wonder,
How long will this last
Before relaxation
Comes to pass?

Watching continuously,
Breathing in deeply,
Breathing out fully,
And then waiting patiently.

Encroachments: Useful Distractions

Encroachments: Useful Distractions

Off again
Into muscle tension
And Fibro-pain
In shoulders, neck and chest;

My arthritis too
Is kicking up a fuss
And the top of my head
Feels like it’s being pressed!

But my attention
Does not stay,
In any one place
For too long;

As a result
I redistribute the stress
And do my best
To let it all go.

Bringing my focus
To my pen,
I hear the phone ring
And stop to pick it up then,

But there’s no one on the line
And so, I put the receiver down
And continue
With what I’m writing;

And between these two distractions
I forget about the pain,
Gratefully carrying on
Until interrupted by a colleague;

And then
After answering his question,
Another pops in
But when that interaction ends
I return to working once again.

Encouraging: Making Peace with Craving

What’s the matter
With craving?
Leave the poor thing alone!
Why pick on the passions?

Yearning can even be fun
Or at least no trouble,
If one makes no bother
Over it,

Because, hey,
It’s just desire
And quite ordinary;
It doesn’t mean to annoy,

Just notice
And enjoy!
It won’t be long
Before it’s gone

And then
What will you do?
It’s up to you,
Isn’t it?

Or is it?
Are you in control?
Really?
Wow!

You’re way ahead of me, then,
You lucky duck,
You fortunate one,
Or maybe not,

Perhaps, you’re merely deluded
Or I am, or more than likely both!
Either way, it’s all okay
Unless it isn’t, in which case,
Hopefully we’ll see better soon.

Encountering: Continuation

At every curve,
I lose my nerve,
I balk
Whenever I feel blocked

And then I look for reasons
But after that
I laugh because
I know there is none!

There are only
Various expressions
And repetitions
But no explanations

And yet,
Explanations are integral
And irrelevant;
“Pardon?” You say.

And I agree,
It’s absolute nonsense
And you should
Turn the page immediately!

I’m only saying this
For your own good,
Depart at once!
And save your sanity!

I’m lost already
But if you run very fast
You may perhaps
Get away,

Before you catch
Whatever it is I’ve got
And become terminally awake
Or as mindfully nutty,
As a Buddha-shaped fruitcake!

Encountered: Is-ing

Sometimes
I get this funny feeling
That everything and everyone
Is everywhere, and always has been
And always will be.

And so, what we speak of
As death,
Although it is real,
In a way it doesn’t matter

And yet, in a way it does.
It’s so difficult to say,
In fact one day
I asked myself the question,

‘How can anything matter
And not matter simultaneously?’
And although I felt I knew the answer
I could not say anything about it.

Is it beyond words?
I can’t even say that
But only
That I could not say;

And after a while,
I just gave up,
Pulled the laundry
Out of the dryer

And then,
As I often do
At this time of day,
Made a cup of tea.

Then I sat down
And began to write
And this is what
Came out of me.

Encounter: What is

I appear
To have reached
A point
Beyond which
Words cannot go

And yet words themselves
Are part of,
Well, part of everything,
Of all of it;

I keep asking questions,
Which I cannot answer
And yet intuitively feel
I know the answers,

I just cannot say
And yet, saying
Is not apart from
The answers I think I know.

On the one hand,
I think I should
Stop trying
To write about this

And on the other,
I know that doing so
Is part of it,
Nay, essential to it.

This feels like
Such a silly
Place to be
But

I know not
How to be
Anyplace else,
Or how to do anything else.

Enactment: A Bit of Everything

When the phone rings,
I never know,
To whom I’m going to speak
(No caller ID, you see)

And so it’s
Always a surprise.
Will it be unpleasant?
Or will it be pleasant?

Will it be a telemarketer?
Or a long lost friend
Or a telephone survey again
Or somebody I’d like to know better.

This uncertainty
Brings me back
To life itself,
What it’s all about

But this too I do not know,
Of meaning neither,
Although I’ve searched for it
Off and on;

It appears incurable,
This hankering after
People to talk at
And yet, so few seem to listen.

But, today that’s okay,
I’m back at work
With plenty to do
And time to do it in,

It sure is a relief,
This sense of purpose,
Which arises by itself,
No matter what I do.

Enablement: Unsatisfactoryness and Nirvana

Unsatisfactoryness!
Ah, I’ve been seeing it
And recognizing
What is happening;

Then, walking down the street
I noticed unsatisfactoryness
But wondered, ‘what is that?’
And I investigated

And what I thought I found
Did astound!
For I thought
It looked like nirvana!

Then in my mind’s eye
I saw a benevolently smiling Buddha face
Floating in mid air
And I asked my question.

The reply was a wink
And a “what do you think?”
And I could make
No sense of it.

Then, today I thought
Many thoughts,
I looked at my slippered feet
And the looker and the looking

And I saw what I saw,
Which was most likely
Nothing at all!
But I enjoyed it anyway,

Tying everything up in knots,
Getting all entangled
In disentanglement
And then letting it all go.

Enabling: Mindfulness and More

When I stay
With what’s happening now,
Letting go of stories
About cause and effect,

The burden of the past
Drops away,
Leaving behind
A lightness of mind;

There’s only
A transparent,
Liquid
Flow,
A continuous awareness,

A viewing of thoughts,
A feeling of feelings,
A cascade of sensations,
A consciousness of consciousness,

Yet, nothing separates
Me from me,
Or one moment
From another,

Mental images
Come and go,
Ideas and impressions
Pass by,

As if, sitting on the shore
Of a moving stream,
The watching proceeds
As the water passes,

Sparkling in the sun,
Carrying thoughts like leaves,
Containing feelings and sensations
That ripple and resolve.

Enabled: Practice Benefits

You know
What’s really fun?
What happens after
Many practice days,

For instance, when
The differences between
Each moment
Become clearer,

As when today at work
I noticed boredom
And realized in a similar context
I had felt equanimous and had relaxed

And so, I see
That the thoughts which emerge
May seem to have no relationship at all
To what’s happening.

And when I compare
One instance to another
I become so aware
And not just of then but of now.

And this highlights the present,
As well as brings forth
An insight
About the nature of thoughts,

That these phenomena
Can come and go
Without meaning anything,
Yet revealing everything

And too,
There can be
A certain pleasure
In this experience,
Which bears watching also.

Empowermental: I Don’t Know

Where there is smoke
There is not always fire,
Where there is holiness
Enlightenment is not always present,

Neither is unholiness
An indication of ignorance,
Though either
May co-occur.

Similarly, popularity
Is not a sign
Of Buddhahood,
Nor is unpopularity.

It’s so difficult
To discern
That I think
To look here is best.

Buddhas may come
And Buddhas may go,
As so do we all
But nobody knows.

Perhaps even
The wide infinite sky
Does not know,
Even though it is forever.

Sometimes I despair
And other times joy overflows
But where these states come from
And where they go
I do not know.

Empowerment: Foolish Errand

Pursuing the path
Makes no difference,
Not pursuing the path
Makes no difference,

And yet,
Those who will pursue
Will pursue
And those who won’t, won’t;

Either way,
It makes no difference.
Some will find
And then lose insight,

Others may
See it always,
And still others
May never see it,

It’s all the same
Because
Wisdom either arises
Or it doesn’t,

Either comes and goes
Or continues to arise
But which is which?
No one can predict,

Which is why
A Buddha’s story
Can only be told
After death
But even then, nobody knows!

Empowered: Application of Wisdom

Bursting with despair
And sadness
To the point of madness,
Rolling around in a funk!

Then I spied a bookmark
Leading to the words
Of Ajahn Chah,
A famous forest monk;

And there I did find
Sound wisdom
I had forgotten
And decided to take up again;

From my latest
Round of passion
I attempted to stand back
And watched the results;

I was skeptical at first,
Thinking this
Would be deadening at best,
Or nerve wracking at worst

But in accordance
With what he said
I found neither
But only release instead,

A steadying mind
Unshaken by
The turmoil
In the heart;

And now I could resume,
Carry on with my tasks,
Observing all the while
And seeing how long
I could make this detachment last.

Employment: Silliness

And, what else?
What is in store for me today?
I’ve covered so much ground
But it’s never the same.

Maybe I move,
Perhaps the ground moves me,
I don’t really care,
I’ve forgotten all about it!

There’s just moving
And sitting still,
Standing up
And lying down,

Stretching
And contracting
And the space
In between;

But what is this space?
And, oh, I’m off again, aren’t I?
On another existential trek,
Another speculative romp!

I could well do without
These ridiculous digressions
But I can’t seem to help it,
Nor the true confession;

What a collection
I’ve here assembled,
Put together how?
And by whom?

And here I go again,
Asking silly questions
And getting no answers;
But that figures.

Employer: Action

Now, where was I?
Oh, yes!
Performing household chores
And writing more words;

Activity spills out
Like water
From an overfilled bathtub
And floods the floor;

No need to try,
Indeed, I cannot stop it!
It goes on and on,
Now matter what;

It’s just the flow of reality
That needs no master
And will accept none,
It can only be free

And yet,
Knows nothing of freedom,
Cannot comprehend
What limits are,

Because there is no need
When you’re everything,
As it’s all you
And therefore unlimited;

But what use is this?
Why, none at all;
That’s the great puzzle
I cannot solve.

I always get stuck
On this one,
Especially when I’m miserable
But not always,
Sometimes, not even then.

Employed: Getting on With

Do the dishes,
Have a glass of water,
There’s no particular order
And no bother;

Put away the laundry
And write a poem,
Darn some socks
And patch some clothes,

My to do list overflows
And I keep going,
From one task to another, uninterrupted,
Not knowing how,

Not conscious of choosing,
Just flowing on,
I pause and breathe deeply
And then write some more.

I get up and make tea
And drink it,
Wash the mug,
Then it’s time to sup.

Getting ready for work
I leave
And in working
I find no rest,

Wishing to be back home,
Sitting in my comfortable chair,
Watching the sun set
And the clouds ride the air

And yet there’s no grasping
And so, soon I forget,
Becoming engrossed
In where I am.

Empirically: Embracing Variety

Jumping right,
Jumping left,
What a strange
Way to be;

Can’t seem to settle,
Aimlessly falling from flower to flower,
Sampling pollen and falling again,
Like a drunken bee;

To bee or not to bee;
The bee
Has to be
In order to find out!

All over the meadow,
That’s me
But I don’t have to keep going
Because the going takes care of itself!

Tough going,
Easy going,
Fast going,
Slow going,

It’s all the same to me
And all different,
Variety and monotony,
Boredom and excitement,

Fascination
And loss of interest,
Beginner’s mind
And, oh, so mundane!

Finally indescribable
Because I’ve forgotten how;
Trying to remember,
Then flying off someplace else.

Empirical: Exploration

The heart of an explorer,
Fearlessly or fearfully,
Boldly or tentatively,
Blindly or wide-eyed,
Reaching forward or withdrawing,

That’s what it takes
To be,
The passion to know
And the unknown;

Quickly or slowly,
Partially or wholly,
Step by step
Or all at once;

That there’s no right
Nor wrong way,
Makes choice so difficult,
Although no selection is necessary;

Just sitting
Is no different
From walking or running,
Nor from standing or lying down;

All are acceptable
And equal,
None is right,
None is wrong,

It’s all based
On nothing
In any case,
So there’s no pressure,

No particular reason why
One should go
This way or that,
The way is all ways.

Emphatically: Renewal

‘What would have happened if?’
Is the very thing sought,
The answer to the inquiry,
The destination of the quest,

That which
Can never be found,
Cannot be sensed,
Cannot be felt or thought,

It transcends all notions
And yet underpins them;
Is invisible
But supports the visible,

What might have been
But cannot be known,
Of which we dream,
Cannot be seen but is crucial;

The unseen ray of sun
That shines behind the clouds,
This is the very one that reveals,
Even as it shrouds;

The voice that is silent
Cries out loud,
The thunderclap
Announces the lightening,

From near and far,
The answers are,
Underneath the flames,
The fuel that inflames;

From blackened charcoal
The fire reignites,
From the burnt out forest,
Bursts forth new life.