Ceaseless: Continuous Exertion

Mind full of hesitation,
I dreaded this day’s meditation,
Because of doubts about my destination,
Arising from constrictions in my situation.

Feeling thwarted over an opportunity aborted,
I resorted to procrastination and rumination,
My doubts about my future path
Delaying many decisions.

So deeply penetrated this arrow incision
That all my actions lacked precision,
Feeling put down and fearing further depreciation,
I withdrew to consider my position.

When finally I sat, the struggle was on
As emotions erupted and bubbled,
No easy way through
This tumultuous session,

Which finally I could only take
Lying down, but even then,
Mind chatter clattered,
Battered and spattered.

Insistent, noisy thoughts
Threatened to overwhelm
In spots,
With few breaks in between.

Finally, a negative evaluation surfaced
And I thought, ‘no wonder I was reluctant;
If this is the reception;
The last thing I need is more rejection!’

But I refused to heed these careless thoughts,
Otherwise they'd have sabotaged my practice,
My principal anchor amidst this ruckus;
Instead I counteracted this reaction
By softening my gaze towards this dissatisfaction.