Endlessly: Expressive*

The rain
Is always falling
And the sun
Is always shining,

Through darkness
And light,
Through daylight
And night;

There’s
The shady side
And
The sunny side,

Black
And white,
And gradations
In between;

Depth
And height,
Watery deep
And mountain steep;

Stable
And ephemeral,
Unborn
And eternal.




*And now it’s time for me to take another break.

I hope to be back in October.

Thanks for reading!

Lee

Endless: Wheeling

And then
The bottom fell out
Of everything
And I forgot it all!

It’s almost as if
There were two of me:
A “Dharma Lee”
And a “Samsara Lee”

And I’m alternating
Between the two
And getting lost
And getting found,

Seeing reality
From alternate points of view,
Eyes open
But vision filtered by cosmic dust.

Is this how
It’s supposed to go?
Or is there such a such?
Oh well, it IS how it’s going

And so, I just keep going
And see what comes up next,
Turning the page
And reading on;

Don’t know
How far I’ve got to go,
Not even sure if
I’m going anywhere at all!

Some days up,
Some days down,
Some days can’t tell,
Some days just looking up
From the bottom of a very deep well.

Endeavouring: Exploring the Stream

If there were a division
Between Nirvana and Samsara,
Nirvana would be unattainable
But as there is no separation,
There is nothing to attain,

Nevertheless, Nirvana is realized
But what is realized?
We all live in delusion
And will continue to do so,

But as this delusion is shared,
There is no reason for sorrow
And yet there is ample justification for compassion,
As attachment to this delusion produces much suffering;

But the good news is
This suffering is
Not distinct from Nirvana,
As they are inseparable;

Looking through suffering,
One sees Nirvana
And looking through Nirvana
One sees there is suffering,

The one supports the other,
So one needs to let go of both
And yet there is no need to let go of either,
For holding on is inseparable from letting go.

Suffering is really no different from not suffering,
So there’s nothing to worry about,
One is always secure,
Always safe;

It’s said that
In understanding one Noble Truth,
For example, suffering, one understands them all.
YES! I think perhaps this is so.

Endeavour: Investigating Aversion

“I can hardly wait
To get out of here,”
The thought ripped repeatedly,
Surprising me completely!

But writing about it
Brought me naught,
Except to
Bring attention to the aversion.

Even though I’d rather
Be somewhere else,
The mental spasms are reduced
Enough to break loose;

But
What is this disruptive power?
And where from?
Turning inward, I look,

Gazing steadily,
Seeing hardness
And residual tension,
Resistant and grim,

A roaring
Rattles in the ears
But I also hear
A clock ticking somewhere;

I wonder,
How long will this last
Before relaxation
Comes to pass?

Watching continuously,
Breathing in deeply,
Breathing out fully,
And then waiting patiently.

Encroachments: Useful Distractions

Encroachments: Useful Distractions

Off again
Into muscle tension
And Fibro-pain
In shoulders, neck and chest;

My arthritis too
Is kicking up a fuss
And the top of my head
Feels like it’s being pressed!

But my attention
Does not stay,
In any one place
For too long;

As a result
I redistribute the stress
And do my best
To let it all go.

Bringing my focus
To my pen,
I hear the phone ring
And stop to pick it up then,

But there’s no one on the line
And so, I put the receiver down
And continue
With what I’m writing;

And between these two distractions
I forget about the pain,
Gratefully carrying on
Until interrupted by a colleague;

And then
After answering his question,
Another pops in
But when that interaction ends
I return to working once again.

Encouraging: Making Peace with Craving

What’s the matter
With craving?
Leave the poor thing alone!
Why pick on the passions?

Yearning can even be fun
Or at least no trouble,
If one makes no bother
Over it,

Because, hey,
It’s just desire
And quite ordinary;
It doesn’t mean to annoy,

Just notice
And enjoy!
It won’t be long
Before it’s gone

And then
What will you do?
It’s up to you,
Isn’t it?

Or is it?
Are you in control?
Really?
Wow!

You’re way ahead of me, then,
You lucky duck,
You fortunate one,
Or maybe not,

Perhaps, you’re merely deluded
Or I am, or more than likely both!
Either way, it’s all okay
Unless it isn’t, in which case,
Hopefully we’ll see better soon.

Encountering: Continuation

At every curve,
I lose my nerve,
I balk
Whenever I feel blocked

And then I look for reasons
But after that
I laugh because
I know there is none!

There are only
Various expressions
And repetitions
But no explanations

And yet,
Explanations are integral
And irrelevant;
“Pardon?” You say.

And I agree,
It’s absolute nonsense
And you should
Turn the page immediately!

I’m only saying this
For your own good,
Depart at once!
And save your sanity!

I’m lost already
But if you run very fast
You may perhaps
Get away,

Before you catch
Whatever it is I’ve got
And become terminally awake
Or as mindfully nutty,
As a Buddha-shaped fruitcake!

Encountered: Is-ing

Sometimes
I get this funny feeling
That everything and everyone
Is everywhere, and always has been
And always will be.

And so, what we speak of
As death,
Although it is real,
In a way it doesn’t matter

And yet, in a way it does.
It’s so difficult to say,
In fact one day
I asked myself the question,

‘How can anything matter
And not matter simultaneously?’
And although I felt I knew the answer
I could not say anything about it.

Is it beyond words?
I can’t even say that
But only
That I could not say;

And after a while,
I just gave up,
Pulled the laundry
Out of the dryer

And then,
As I often do
At this time of day,
Made a cup of tea.

Then I sat down
And began to write
And this is what
Came out of me.

Encounter: What is

I appear
To have reached
A point
Beyond which
Words cannot go

And yet words themselves
Are part of,
Well, part of everything,
Of all of it;

I keep asking questions,
Which I cannot answer
And yet intuitively feel
I know the answers,

I just cannot say
And yet, saying
Is not apart from
The answers I think I know.

On the one hand,
I think I should
Stop trying
To write about this

And on the other,
I know that doing so
Is part of it,
Nay, essential to it.

This feels like
Such a silly
Place to be
But

I know not
How to be
Anyplace else,
Or how to do anything else.

Enactment: A Bit of Everything

When the phone rings,
I never know,
To whom I’m going to speak
(No caller ID, you see)

And so it’s
Always a surprise.
Will it be unpleasant?
Or will it be pleasant?

Will it be a telemarketer?
Or a long lost friend
Or a telephone survey again
Or somebody I’d like to know better.

This uncertainty
Brings me back
To life itself,
What it’s all about

But this too I do not know,
Of meaning neither,
Although I’ve searched for it
Off and on;

It appears incurable,
This hankering after
People to talk at
And yet, so few seem to listen.

But, today that’s okay,
I’m back at work
With plenty to do
And time to do it in,

It sure is a relief,
This sense of purpose,
Which arises by itself,
No matter what I do.

Enablement: Unsatisfactoryness and Nirvana

Unsatisfactoryness!
Ah, I’ve been seeing it
And recognizing
What is happening;

Then, walking down the street
I noticed unsatisfactoryness
But wondered, ‘what is that?’
And I investigated

And what I thought I found
Did astound!
For I thought
It looked like nirvana!

Then in my mind’s eye
I saw a benevolently smiling Buddha face
Floating in mid air
And I asked my question.

The reply was a wink
And a “what do you think?”
And I could make
No sense of it.

Then, today I thought
Many thoughts,
I looked at my slippered feet
And the looker and the looking

And I saw what I saw,
Which was most likely
Nothing at all!
But I enjoyed it anyway,

Tying everything up in knots,
Getting all entangled
In disentanglement
And then letting it all go.

Enabling: Mindfulness and More

When I stay
With what’s happening now,
Letting go of stories
About cause and effect,

The burden of the past
Drops away,
Leaving behind
A lightness of mind;

There’s only
A transparent,
Liquid
Flow,
A continuous awareness,

A viewing of thoughts,
A feeling of feelings,
A cascade of sensations,
A consciousness of consciousness,

Yet, nothing separates
Me from me,
Or one moment
From another,

Mental images
Come and go,
Ideas and impressions
Pass by,

As if, sitting on the shore
Of a moving stream,
The watching proceeds
As the water passes,

Sparkling in the sun,
Carrying thoughts like leaves,
Containing feelings and sensations
That ripple and resolve.

Enabled: Practice Benefits

You know
What’s really fun?
What happens after
Many practice days,

For instance, when
The differences between
Each moment
Become clearer,

As when today at work
I noticed boredom
And realized in a similar context
I had felt equanimous and had relaxed

And so, I see
That the thoughts which emerge
May seem to have no relationship at all
To what’s happening.

And when I compare
One instance to another
I become so aware
And not just of then but of now.

And this highlights the present,
As well as brings forth
An insight
About the nature of thoughts,

That these phenomena
Can come and go
Without meaning anything,
Yet revealing everything

And too,
There can be
A certain pleasure
In this experience,
Which bears watching also.

Empowermental: I Don’t Know

Where there is smoke
There is not always fire,
Where there is holiness
Enlightenment is not always present,

Neither is unholiness
An indication of ignorance,
Though either
May co-occur.

Similarly, popularity
Is not a sign
Of Buddhahood,
Nor is unpopularity.

It’s so difficult
To discern
That I think
To look here is best.

Buddhas may come
And Buddhas may go,
As so do we all
But nobody knows.

Perhaps even
The wide infinite sky
Does not know,
Even though it is forever.

Sometimes I despair
And other times joy overflows
But where these states come from
And where they go
I do not know.

Empowerment: Foolish Errand

Pursuing the path
Makes no difference,
Not pursuing the path
Makes no difference,

And yet,
Those who will pursue
Will pursue
And those who won’t, won’t;

Either way,
It makes no difference.
Some will find
And then lose insight,

Others may
See it always,
And still others
May never see it,

It’s all the same
Because
Wisdom either arises
Or it doesn’t,

Either comes and goes
Or continues to arise
But which is which?
No one can predict,

Which is why
A Buddha’s story
Can only be told
After death
But even then, nobody knows!

Empowered: Application of Wisdom

Bursting with despair
And sadness
To the point of madness,
Rolling around in a funk!

Then I spied a bookmark
Leading to the words
Of Ajahn Chah,
A famous forest monk;

And there I did find
Sound wisdom
I had forgotten
And decided to take up again;

From my latest
Round of passion
I attempted to stand back
And watched the results;

I was skeptical at first,
Thinking this
Would be deadening at best,
Or nerve wracking at worst

But in accordance
With what he said
I found neither
But only release instead,

A steadying mind
Unshaken by
The turmoil
In the heart;

And now I could resume,
Carry on with my tasks,
Observing all the while
And seeing how long
I could make this detachment last.

Employment: Silliness

And, what else?
What is in store for me today?
I’ve covered so much ground
But it’s never the same.

Maybe I move,
Perhaps the ground moves me,
I don’t really care,
I’ve forgotten all about it!

There’s just moving
And sitting still,
Standing up
And lying down,

Stretching
And contracting
And the space
In between;

But what is this space?
And, oh, I’m off again, aren’t I?
On another existential trek,
Another speculative romp!

I could well do without
These ridiculous digressions
But I can’t seem to help it,
Nor the true confession;

What a collection
I’ve here assembled,
Put together how?
And by whom?

And here I go again,
Asking silly questions
And getting no answers;
But that figures.

Employer: Action

Now, where was I?
Oh, yes!
Performing household chores
And writing more words;

Activity spills out
Like water
From an overfilled bathtub
And floods the floor;

No need to try,
Indeed, I cannot stop it!
It goes on and on,
Now matter what;

It’s just the flow of reality
That needs no master
And will accept none,
It can only be free

And yet,
Knows nothing of freedom,
Cannot comprehend
What limits are,

Because there is no need
When you’re everything,
As it’s all you
And therefore unlimited;

But what use is this?
Why, none at all;
That’s the great puzzle
I cannot solve.

I always get stuck
On this one,
Especially when I’m miserable
But not always,
Sometimes, not even then.

Employed: Getting on With

Do the dishes,
Have a glass of water,
There’s no particular order
And no bother;

Put away the laundry
And write a poem,
Darn some socks
And patch some clothes,

My to do list overflows
And I keep going,
From one task to another, uninterrupted,
Not knowing how,

Not conscious of choosing,
Just flowing on,
I pause and breathe deeply
And then write some more.

I get up and make tea
And drink it,
Wash the mug,
Then it’s time to sup.

Getting ready for work
I leave
And in working
I find no rest,

Wishing to be back home,
Sitting in my comfortable chair,
Watching the sun set
And the clouds ride the air

And yet there’s no grasping
And so, soon I forget,
Becoming engrossed
In where I am.

Empirically: Embracing Variety

Jumping right,
Jumping left,
What a strange
Way to be;

Can’t seem to settle,
Aimlessly falling from flower to flower,
Sampling pollen and falling again,
Like a drunken bee;

To bee or not to bee;
The bee
Has to be
In order to find out!

All over the meadow,
That’s me
But I don’t have to keep going
Because the going takes care of itself!

Tough going,
Easy going,
Fast going,
Slow going,

It’s all the same to me
And all different,
Variety and monotony,
Boredom and excitement,

Fascination
And loss of interest,
Beginner’s mind
And, oh, so mundane!

Finally indescribable
Because I’ve forgotten how;
Trying to remember,
Then flying off someplace else.

Empirical: Exploration

The heart of an explorer,
Fearlessly or fearfully,
Boldly or tentatively,
Blindly or wide-eyed,
Reaching forward or withdrawing,

That’s what it takes
To be,
The passion to know
And the unknown;

Quickly or slowly,
Partially or wholly,
Step by step
Or all at once;

That there’s no right
Nor wrong way,
Makes choice so difficult,
Although no selection is necessary;

Just sitting
Is no different
From walking or running,
Nor from standing or lying down;

All are acceptable
And equal,
None is right,
None is wrong,

It’s all based
On nothing
In any case,
So there’s no pressure,

No particular reason why
One should go
This way or that,
The way is all ways.

Emphatically: Renewal

‘What would have happened if?’
Is the very thing sought,
The answer to the inquiry,
The destination of the quest,

That which
Can never be found,
Cannot be sensed,
Cannot be felt or thought,

It transcends all notions
And yet underpins them;
Is invisible
But supports the visible,

What might have been
But cannot be known,
Of which we dream,
Cannot be seen but is crucial;

The unseen ray of sun
That shines behind the clouds,
This is the very one that reveals,
Even as it shrouds;

The voice that is silent
Cries out loud,
The thunderclap
Announces the lightening,

From near and far,
The answers are,
Underneath the flames,
The fuel that inflames;

From blackened charcoal
The fire reignites,
From the burnt out forest,
Bursts forth new life.

Emphatic: Change

Is there anything new?
Or can it be true?
Have I exhausted all topics?
Surely not!

Ideas come in spurts,
Like a fountain that intermittently bursts,
Then dries up every summer,
When the reservoir runs out of water.

But ‘tis well to rest
Until the rains return;
Meanwhile, I repair my gear
To prepare for fishing off the pier;

‘Tis then I’ll set my net,
When the water re-animates the creek,
When cool autumn winds re-appear
And the shadows arise earlier.

Already, the days shorten
And the night heat lessens,
The sun still shines hot
But the temperature has begun to drop.

Won’t be long until thoughts
Of busy September well up,
Season of Atlantic gales
That gives rise to hurricanes.

Batten the hatches time,
Checking batteries,
Sweeping out the storm cellar
And restocking,

So many tasks
And yet too,
Making room
For a bit of fun, now and then!

Emphasize: Seeking Encouragement

It gets tiresome after a while:
Searching for new ideas,
Looking for a way
And finding none;

Then it’s back to work
And mundane living,
Awaiting inspiration
And enlivening,

Rationing the energy
Until it starts reviving,
Watching clouds go by
And doing laundry,

Hanging out the tee shirts to dry
And bringing them back in,
Listening to the thunder
And the rain,

Starting to wonder
If anything will ever change,
All the while making constant adjustments
Without even feeling it;

Everything goes on
Without anybody controlling it,
It’s such a miraculous thing
And yet as ordinary as all of it,

Like washing the sink,
Scrubbing and polishing it
Until it shines like platinum,
Reflecting the sunlight streaming in

And now it’s time to do some other thing,
Although I’ve forgotten what,
So weary of waiting,
So tired of effort,
Nevertheless getting on with it.

Emphasis: Balancing Act

Life can be cruel,
Like an endless duel,
A very hard school,
Where difficulty and disappointment are the rule.

If so, then one may ask
What sort of tool
Can be employed to grapple with this test?
As such would be a precious jewel.

In my view,
A certain toughness is needed
To stand up to hardship and meet it
But that is perilous as well,

For indifference to
The plight
Can create hard heartedness,
Which brings no delight,

As such imperviousness may only increase woe
By making us insensitive,
So we might
Be just as cold as Antarctic ice.

So to counteract this unresponsiveness,
Compassion is required
But even such a benign approach
Does not end our trouble,

For steeping in sentiment
Can sabotage our efforts,
Allowing emotion to blind us,
Producing imprudent decisions and actions

And so,
Some wisdom is essential too,
To ensure a balance
In between the two.

Emotionless: One More

Stirring development,
Laughingly irrelevant
To my actual predicament
And well passed the sell by date,

So that lifting the waste bin lid
I ceremoniously dispose of it
And refuse another,
For as long as I can hold out;

But then, who knows the future?
If there is one,
Which is as uncertain
As this moment,

Composed of nothing,
Nevertheless so seemingly so,
Not nil
And yet lacking all substance;

And so begins
Another day
Of wordy speculation,
A new attempt,

A further effort
To express that
Which so many are seeking
But is just right here,

Hidden in plain sight
And unseen,
Because it’s ubiquitous
And therefore difficult to discern,

So subtle
And so obvious,
Like the complex odour currently flowing
From the pot of stew simmering on the stove;
Invisible but so compelling and self-evident.

Emotional: Productive Passion

Frustration bubbled forth,
Like broth,
From an overheated stew pot:
Too much to do!
Too much to do!

And the final ingredient in this recipe for wrath?
Tripping over
The overlong legs
Of the track pants I had put on!

Furiously, off I tore them,
Then rapidly turning the offenders inside out,
Grabbed a wooden ruler
And folded up the material on the right leg,

Measured off two inches of cuff
And seized my pin jar,
Screwing off the gold metal lid
And vigorously stabbing the cloth;

On to needle and black thread,
Stitched with determined speed,
Racing against he clock,
As cooking and work also on the docket;

In record time
I completed the job,
Without a single expletive
Or irritated growl,

Pouring all the energy I possessed
Into the necessary task,
I worked so fast
I had no opportunity to fume,

No irate smoke filled the room,
And soon,
The chore was done
And my comfort restored.