Dislocation: Shaken Up

This day started
With a blinking light,
A message waiting
To be heard

But what sort of news?
I dared not investigate
Before grabbing coffee and taking food.
Could this be the call I anticipated?

Then examined my mood
But took no opportunity to brood
And checked the calls,
Hearing first a commercial,

And after that came the important one
But ‘twas only a request
For a return response,
Which I quickly made.

Still, is it good or bad?
This will take time to digest,
Meanwhile will do my best
To carry on with my tasks;

Thrown off stride and excited,
Had to turn around
And return home
Two times before I departed,

Arrived at work as usual
Only to find
That all proceeding typically
As if according to script;

This settled me a little,
So I did not slip
On an occupational banana
Or get tripped up
By any glitch that came up.

Disintegration: Breaking Down Boundaries

Flying forward with anticipation
Of something coming
And something going,
Wondering which is which,

Whether arrival is better
Or departure?
Or does it depend on what’s coming
And what’s going?

Pleasant or unpleasant,
All keeps flowing,
Until the difference is unclear,
As both are contained in each;

Looking deeply,
Breathing steadily,
Pools of light,
Skies of dark;

Infinite awareness,
Sparkling energy
Like a door opening
Unto the vastness,

As if tapping into a channel
From which eternity streams,
Sitting amidst sunbeams,
Immersed in warm soothing waters.

How quickly the climate changes,
Slipping in and out,
Exploring the narrow
And the wide,

Peering inside and outside
And then forgetting
The imaginary dividing line
Between one and the other.

Disentangling: Sorting Out

AM sleepiness,
PM wakefulness,
My clock is up-side-down
From working this way,

Nevertheless, I walk on,
Not sure how,
Isn’t it amazing?
How we all do that,

Whether fatigue or pain
Or driving emotional rain,
People do
What they have to,

Each day a new challenge
Or sometimes a welcome lull,
Why just this morning
I was savouring the quiet,

Drinking in the peace
Of a sitting break
From my busy day;
I still remember it,

Then back to work,
Applying effort,
Slowly moving
My aching carcass,

Computing persistently
And performing my workout,
Cooking supper
And suiting up to go out;

Walking through slush and snow,
Trudging along
But feeling whole,
Stepping heavily yet feeling light.

Discriminating: Honouring Allies

The goldilocks are gone
But now I have three bears,
The first an accidental gift,
The other two are foundlings,

Discovered on a snowy day,
Abandoned with a pile of clothes
That had been similarly discarded,
Enough to stir the heart.

The clothes went to Goodwill
But the two new bears
Are with me still,
Perched atop the buggy by the front door.

I greet them when I come in
And say farewells when I go out,
Goodnight them upon my late return
And good morning when I arise.

This little ritual
Reminds me of
The little bear and big bear
That I imagined last year.

These allies left their mark
And now I have their counterparts
Sitting close by,
Inhabiting my place,

One dark brown and furry,
His little brother
Light brown and plush,
Both so very huggable;

It enriches the scene,
Making everything appear
Warmer somehow
And so much more inviting.

Discretion: Meeting Doubt

Many things to do,
Big chores afoot,
So much to catch up on
But finding time and energy,
That’s always the trouble.

Pain and difficulty bubbled up
And I misplaced my metta,
How could I forget?
I forgot that too!

Change is coming
And it’s not just the weather,
A wind is blowing through
But for what? —Ill or better?

No matter what plans I make
There’s always the unexpected break,
The job that won’t wait
Or the unanticipated accident;

Anxiety’s in the air,
A whiff of fear;
What’s happening next?
Will it be up to specs?

Will I be able to take it?
Or will the hurricane
Produce a fit
Or another hit?

Not sure where this is going,
Uncertainty is the theme,
What about the unseen?
That which I cannot interrogate,

I really must let go of doubt
And turn towards some useful work,
It’s better to keep on that
Than worry and fret all day.

Discrete: Choppy Waters

Business unusual,
Looking at new options,
Courted by astonishment
And dancing with uncertainty;

Doubt and worry
On the horizon,
Like storm clouds
Slowly moving in,

Have to hunker down
Or get blown before the wind,
Carried away by chaos,
Brought back by resolve,

Can’t get involved
In angry explosions,
Or wild cascading emotions,
Like torrents of rain;

Furiously, it falls, again and again,
‘Til I get lost
And forget what’s happening,
Caught up in the tempest,

Unable to sleep
But instead continuing to ruminate,
On past injustices and present,
Not really being in the present.

Whatever happened to mindfulness?
It disappears and reappears
Like a log floating in
A turbulent stream,

One can only go along
When the river is so strong
And yet aiming for the shore,
I finally surface once more.

Discrepancy: Crunched

Feeling plowed under
With fatigue and pain,
Longing for relief
But finding none.

Sitting with this
Is very unpleasant
But getting up
Too much effort;

Can’t get up,
Can’t calm down,
Agitation fizzes,
Muscle pain burns;

Then, “let it burn”
Comes to mind,
Fed up with half measures,
There’s a mountain to climb.

Way too much to do,
Such a long list,
Would rather be resting
But have to move on.

One task piles on top another
And the weight presses heavily,
Another migraine coming on
Does not reduce the stress.

To cry, “help!”
Does not ease it either,
So not sure what to do
Or where to look;

Have to exercise patience,
Resolve to push gently forward,
This downturn will upturn
And everything will look better.

Discovery: Exploring Absorption

Steeped in fatigue,
Lay down on the bed
And put attention on the breath,
Counting each inhale

And after a while
The mind quieted down
And what next arose
Was great happiness and joy,

Blissful feelings vibrated through
From head to toe,
Equaled by amazement
That such could be so,

Turned awareness towards this activity
And deep absorption ensued,
One pointed concentration and more,
As awareness deepened too;

How long these events lasted
Was difficult to know
But lay down at 8:30 pm
And did not rise ‘til midnight,

Getting up and stretching vigorously,
Feeling the body,
Experiencing the refreshment
Of the resulting replenishment;

Incredible to see
What a difference
Full absorption can bring,
What energy, what peace,

Such wonder in this
Simple practice,
Each time it’s repeated
When I’m feeling depleted.

Discomfort: Nose-a-Nuisance

Today’s main chores
To exercise and go to work
But a challenge came up
In the form of a nasty head cold,

Such a runny nose!
Unknown in recent memory,
No over-the-counter medicinal tricks
Could stop this tap form leaking,

Every remedy tried
Just created more frustration,
More tissues gone through
Than at an allergy suffers convention;

Holding a tissue
Under my nose
Throughout my shift
Did not enhance my experience

But I got through it somehow
And completed my tasks,
Gratefully heading home
To rest up for tomorrow’s jobs.

Such fatigue
From such small inconvenience
Seems incredible!
What a silly scene;

Readying a few items for the morning
And taking time
For loving-kindness practice,
To ease discomfort and soften the heart;

Snuffling away
As I prepare for bed
Relieved to be at home
And able to relax.

Disciplined: Managing Pain

Judging mind
And having so much pain,
How they go together?
I can’t figure out.

Lying on the bed
And howling anyway,
Writhing like a snake
And moaning like a cow.

Ah! That feels better,
At least for a while
But soon I’ve got to go to work,
So then, what now?

Tried slowing breathing
To a crawl,
Heard that’s an old yogi trick,
Thought I’d give it a try,

Breathing in slowly
And holding it for a while,
Breathing out fully
And letting it rest,

In, out,
At a gradual pace,
Muscles relaxing
And rising ease and peace;

Still extra analgesics
Were needed to function,
Drat this wonky weather
It’s shaking this body up.

Now, up and get dressed
And ready to go,
Put the boots on
And out into the cold.

Discipline: Getting the Job Done

Grocery shopping weather,
Sunny, cool and clear
But fatigue has set in
And irritation is here,

Still the buggy is rolled out
And the shopping list made,
The trip smooth and swift
And the cart easily loaded,

The line was long
But the people were friendly,
Smiling and chatting
While waiting for the cashier;

No mistakes on the bill
Made the check out easy,
And as for the return journey
That was quick and pleasing;

Now stowing the load
That was a bit tricky,
As the fridge is small
And the produce bulky

But eventually somehow
It all fits in,
Then on to the pantry
To finish the unpacking;

Afterwards, on to relax
And brew a cup of tea
Before cooking supper
And doing dishes mindfully,

Happy to unwind
Using simple chores as mindfulness practice
Before heading off to work
For another kind of practice.

Discharge: Volcanic Event

Thursday, already, oh!
What a frustrating week,
Having trouble getting going
Due to plunging energy;

If only the weather would co-operate
And settle down a little,
Maybe the headaches would stop,
The pain skid addle

And the mood swings as well,
Recurrent blistering anger,
Incessant rumination
And loss of temper;

Meditation practice
Consisting mostly of metta,
Trying to bring kindness
To the palaver,

Slow breathing and stretching,
Bringing body and mind together,
Exercising and resting
And patience applying;

Faster than expected
Evening arrived,
Working into the night
Attempting to catch up,

Ate so late
Was almost Friday,
Only a light meal
As little time for otherwise,

And when bedtime at last,
‘Twas well into the wee hours,
Too soon comes the dawn,
And tasks undone still without number.

Discernment: Exploring Concentration

Meditating steadily,
Applying loving-kindness,
Floating in joy and bliss,
Nothing amiss,

Absorption in glowing yellow,
Lightheadedness sets in,
Energy rises through the head,
Surging, frothing, overflowing;

Settling ensues,
Gliding into tranquil waters,
Dead calm and fuzziness
But more effort increases focus.

Experiencing stable awareness,
Level but at ease,
Being at peace,
Body barely noticed

But then tension grows,
From staying so long
In the same position,
Reluctance to move, however;

Exertion redoubled,
Zooming in on the breath,
Concentration intensification,
Stillness regained;

Coldness breaks out
Creating more contraction,
Attraction irresistible
And attention gets pulled away.

Finally, time’s up
And along comes big muscle stretching,
From end to end
And back again,
Relishing the experience.

Discerning: Seeing This

Fibromyalgia attack!
Reframing pain as energy,
Dancing with the fire,
Absorbing the flames
And breathing them back out;

Hey, could this be
The source of the story
About
The Buddha breathing fire?

Maybe not
But it makes me laugh
And that feels good,
Cooling the burning.

Let it burn!
Or so I’ve heard
But I’d rather transform it
Into something wonderful

And can I do that?
At least partly.
Could it be that simple?
What if it is?

That would be beautiful
To just see it as light
And banish the dark
To wherever it came from,

I did it before
And I’m doing it again
And that’s okay
For as long as it lasts;

I only need see this,
That all is well
But getting to see this,
That’s the skill.

Discernible: What’s Happening Here

Sitting with experience,
Drinking in the peace,
Consumed by the feast,
Fast gliding through the here,

Like being wrapped in soft blankets
On a cold winter’s night
Or drying off with a hot towel
After a cool swim;

And just thinking of ease
Makes it easy again,
Recalling joy
Brings on a bliss cascade,

Enjoying the memory
In the moment,
Working the mind magic,
Then sleepiness sets in,

Looking from inside
This new state,
Back to examining
What it’s like.

Hmm, what’s this?
Tension building;
Where did that come from?
Oh well, it’s here,

Can I be okay with that?
But even if I can’t
That’s all right,
Nothing to worry about;

I’ve only to watch
And see what happens next,
It’s surprisingly exciting
Just exploring this.

Disappearance: Here and Not Here

February thirteenth,
Such an odd number;
Day before Valentine’s,
How appropriate;

Some people give and receive cards and gifts,
And pair up for romantic encounters;
Others pine about being on their own
And then there are those who ignore it all together.

But this poetic discourse
Is but alphabet soup:
It cannot exist
In your absence,

For then how
Could there be
Any relationship or dialogue
Upon which to base the meaning?

Without interchange
There is no sense
But even with all the talk
That’s ever been

There is no final word.
But still if all the words
Should come to an end
There would be no conclusion.

What if the dialogue itself
Is the message?
If so, no need to look between the lines
As the lines are also it;

But this too could be just foolishness;
As soon as you believe in it, it becomes meaningless,
As is every word before and after;
And then there’s nothing left to do
But shake with laughter.

Disappear: Dropping Consciousness

Finishing up for the evening,
Winding down,
Touching feet to earth
And the scented air in-breathing,

Walking home in
The relative quiet of the night,
Noting the rhythm,
Scanning the horizon,

The lights of home
Come into view,
Time to enter into
Another kind of sitting,

Returning to the cushion
And adjusting the position,
Noticing what it’s like
To be in this situation:

Feelings in the body,
Sounds in the room,
So many vibrations
And all of the new,

Each breath unique
And every sensation too,
Perceiving each moment
Then turning towards awareness,

Examining this fabulous consciousness,
This marvelous temporary apprehension,
Letting go of it
An indescribable joy,

Peering outward in all directions
From an unknown location,
Glancing around astonished
By this unexpected expansion,
Appreciating the peace.

Disallow: Relinquishing the Watcher

Looking in on experience,
Tension grows with effort,
Finally switching to being with,
Full immersion,

And what relief!
As if a voice said,
“Thank goodness! No more scrutiny,
Or labeling or trying to figure out.”

Continued with walking meditation,
Attention fixed upon the feet,
First one, then the other
Contacts with the pavement;

It’s an interesting arrangement,
How the limbs go
And the rest of the body
Just follows along;

Experiencing experience,
Relaxing into it,
Enjoying the walking back and forth
In the cool night air;

Soon time to go back in
But staying with the motion,
Letting go of all notions
Again and again,

Getting out of the way
And allowing
Not interfering
Generates such good feeling;

Entering mindfully
Back into the flow of activity,
Having been refreshed
By a respite from the busy.

Director: At the End of the Day

Recalling energy to mind,
Exercising vigorously on the resulting fuel,
Sitting quietly, observing experience,
Calm and alert;

Making tea and sampling the flavour,
Taking a seat and sipping,
Letting the rich taste settle,
Entertaining the tongue;

Contemplating supper,
What shall I prepare?
Considering the options,
Putting a pot of water on;

Two tablespoons of almonds,
Oops, forgot the oil
And that goes in,
Then comes brown rice lentils and barley,

Adding the stock
And chopping the vegetables,
Waiting for the right time
To put them in,

Finally the spices
And the big cooking spoon
Is dipped in to serve
Into a big bowl for eating from,

Devotional practice follows,
Offering the aroma
To Tara Buddha
Before eating it;

Satisfied and a little sleepy,
Selecting an audio play
And kicking back to listen,
Laugh and enjoy.

Directness: What’s What

Lying flat on the bed,
Back of the head on a pillow,
Knees bent and up,
Right leg crossed over left,
Feeling whole,

All divisions broken
And everything is.
Such comfort and peace,
Never before and always
This way;

Wanting to be pleased
And silly all at once,
To take everything seriously
And to laugh hilariously
At what I see,

What it is to be,
In this reality,
Which is here in this room,
Everywhere
But so subtle;

Difficult to see
And impossible to avoid,
The void
And ordinary things
Like walls and ceilings,

Sitting at the keyboard
Reflecting on the keys,
Feeling the fingers
And watching them type
Each verse,

Words on the page
And spaces in between the letters
Making the phrases
But from whence comes the meaning?

Diligent: Tending the Fire

Mega metta,
Monumental exertion,
Intentional identification
With loving-kindness awareness;

Energetically repeating
Well-wishing phrases
And observing the upwelling
Of peace and receptivity;

Except, what’s this?
Anger fiercely arising,
Far too strong to be ignored,
It shrouds the horizon,

And so, turning towards the physical sensations
And investigating this disturbance,
Experienced as intense tingling and inner blackness
Deep inside the center of the chest;

But, is that all? What a relief!
‘Tis only a sensational surge,
Just a little bird flapping about,
Exercising its tiny wings

And as gradually the agitated avian settles,
Attention inclines towards awareness itself,
Observing the kindness growing within it
And back to metta the focus goes,

Savouring the glowing warmth,
Glorying in the light of the growing blaze,
Marveling at the miracle
That simple sustained effort can generate such well being.

Slowly comfort diffuses through,
Cooling into a tranquil state,
A stable calm,
A well of ease upon which to draw
Whenever the restless sparrow stirs within the heart.

Diligence: Facing

From one extreme
To another,
Bright light beams
And darkness uncovers

But what lies below?
Or is that just
A way of talking?
How can there be an inner direction?

Best to drop the metaphors, perhaps
But how to write this down
In simple words and phrases?
This is what puzzles and dazes;

Don’t want to fall
Back into the pit,
Have to keep making effort
Through the night;

Sense of foreboding re-occurs,
Have to let go
And continue my work,
No time to desert;

Inclining the mind
In a skillful direction,
Engaging the will
And facing the storm;

I will not be yielding
To this negative wave
But examine it closely
And find the spirit within it,

I refuse to get spooked
By strong feeling,
As it’s only a natural process,
A regular happening.

Difficulty: A Hard Thing to Do

In the absence of effort
There is no rest.
To feel rested
One must first make effort

And to feel like one is applying effort
One must rest,
Otherwise how could one
Distinguish between the one and the other?

Likewise, in the absence of clinging
There is no relief.
When clinging ends
Relief ends;

As long as relief repeats
There is clinging,
And with clinging
There is greed, hatred and delusion.

The easiest thing to do
Is the hardest
When the clingings take hold,
One after the other;

They dance before
The mind’s eye
And have to be recognized
And defeated one at a time;

As soon as one is identified
Another pops up
In a seemingly endless sequence
That soon grows tiresome

And then fatigue and irritability sets in
And I get caught in the itchy agitation
Forgetting my resolve,
Falling into mindless frustration.

Differentiate: Just Another Point of View

As the weather closed in again,
The feeling arose of
Having emerged from a place
Where I couldn’t see my hand
In front of my face;

There’s a sense that
I have just traversed a great darkness
And have now returned to light,
Not that the darkness ever left of course,

No, no,
It’s still here too,
And all I’ve done is
Change my point of view.

From here I have enough light
To see both in relation to each other,
And the wisdom to know
That this light isn’t me either,

To identify with that
Would be equally hazardous,
As then I’d think the darkness
Was something, “other,”

When it’s just as legitimate or illegitimate,
Has as much a right to be or not
As what I am calling, “light.”
There’s no need to justify either one,

It’s just a matter of
Which side’s on display,
Which to cultivate
And which to accept;

To relate skillfully to each
Is the task,
To neither disappear into one
Nor dissolve into the other.

Didactic: Lessons from the Ordinary

Preparing a late meal,
I open the fridge,
Removing a large package of extra old cheddar cheese,
A loaf of bread, a tomato and red pepper;

Two slices of bread go onto the plate
And three strokes of the knife
Creates three slabs of cheese,
Which I break in half and lay onto the bread,

Then inserting the bread and cheese
Into the toaster oven, I put it on
And slice up tomatoes and peppers
To add later;

I watch the cheese melt,
Listening to mechanical parts heating
And cheese sizzling
Before the bell goes announcing it’s done,

Not unlike the bell
At the end of meditation
Signaling the sitting practice
Has finished,

And when the oven bell rings
I open the door
To remove the toasted bread and cheese
And put it back on the plate,

Adding slices of tomato and red pepper,
Curry, onion, garlic powder and black pepper,
Producing a delicious mix
In which I delight,

It’s so amazing
How easy it is to be pleased
With this simple activity
And the basic necessity of eating.

Diction: Task Medley

Catching up on assorted tasks,
From grocery shopping,
To food preparation
To sewing patches and mending shirts;

These ordinary chores
Take on such beauty
When seen through opened eyes,
When light shines through the disguise,

For then one sees
How marvelous the mundane is,
That we can go through such motions
As if they were devotions;

Each tiny effort
That we make,
Is like another miracle
Of form and action shaped,

Then delight infuses all we do,
Creating each moment anew,
In every movement of the hand
Is such music to the mind;

Knowing getting involved and standing back,
Are just complementary modes
And nothing serious to hold
But only a game that takes a little knack.

What a great way to strive,
When what we need to do to survive
Becomes a celebratory act
Of reveling in being alive;

So often I’ve dreamed of a day
When I could work only for fun
But now today what I formerly thought tedious
Has been transformed into
A multitude of means through which to express joy.

Diary: Beneficial Recollecting

The mind is sleepy
And caught up in reverie,
Memories percolate and drip
Like water from melting ice,

Thinking back to former times,
Winter holidays spent in warmer climes,
When Grandmother tricked me
Into going clothes shopping;

I was really mad
But she had a way with me,
She was so clever
That I also admired her ingenuity;

She bought me a suede suit jacket
With matching shirts and pants,
Then we walked back to the hotel
Where the family was staying.

The jacket I have still,
Although it no longer fits me;
It should probably go to Goodwill
But I hesitate to part with it.

It’s amazing how we continue to hold on
To reminders of days long gone
And to our recollections of people who
Are no longer present.

These remembrances may comfort us,
Or anger, disconcert or dismay
Depending upon their nature and our reactivity
But either way may be difficult to let go of,

Their hold can be quite strong,
Can even oppress us,
But such reminiscing can also be learned from
And this wisdom applied skillfully
Can bring many benefits.

Devour: Drinking in

Relief and ease up well,
As rest replaces restlessness
And energy is replenished,
Making way for further exertion,

Meanwhile nature arranges a blizzard,
Reveling in the chaos
Snowflakes come out and play,
Performing a celebratory dance upon the wind,

And after watching this show for a while,
I put on one of my own,
Moving about the kitchen
Measuring out ingredients and chopping vegetables;

As the snow piles up,
So do the contents of my cooking pot,
My colourful answer to
The weather’s gray and white display;

We work together at our respective tasks,
Spontaneously, joyfully,
And as the stew comes to completion
The snow slows to a trickle,

And sitting comfortably with my tray
I take time to observe the frosty display,
Fluffy drifts blowing
Creating spirals in space;

Then I turn to tasting the results of my efforts,
Savouring the many flavourings,
Appreciating the varied textures
And the simple satisfaction of a carefully prepared meal;

But soon now I will join the outdoor festival,
Donning my winter gear
And stepping lively,
Inhaling deeply the invigorating air.