Deferment: Unproductive

Went to sleep to
Letting go
But woke up to clinging
And frustration,

More brooding on
The current situation
And trouble decision-making
On what steps need to be taken;

Tried counting the breathing,
But could not stay with that even,
Caught up in confusion
Punctuated by irritation,

Not seeing much use
In anything
And rolling up and down
In wave after wave of disbelieving,

Wasting time wondering
How what is could be,
Instead of seeking
Some ease in what is,

Feeling foolish in retrospect,
But not finding a solution
To this repetitive outpouring of emotion,
A dull and pointless occupation,

And the mistake repeats!
Why can’t I learn from this
And move on
To something more productive?

What is it about this ruminating
That is so seductive and addictive?
Could it be because there’s such energy in it?
If only I could harness that!