Emergence: Not Even Now

Not trying to be,
Not trying not to be,
Neither suppression
Nor encouragement
Of sensations, feelings or thoughts;

Neither letting go
Nor holding on;
In the present moment effortlessly
And yet not stopping effort;

Disregarding all admonitions
To attempt mindfulness
But not denying it
Nor putting it down;

Returning to neutral
After many days of exertion,
Long hours of experimentation,
Which brought no cessation,

Not content with ease
Or lack thereof,
Seeking that which is intangible,
Which cannot be found by looking,

Forgetting all directions and advice
For where to look and how,
What to do
And how to do it;

Leaving words out of it,
Letting concepts go their own way;
Not even reading
In between the lines,

Just going about my business
In the usual way,
Following the regular path
Without regularity.