Previously, I explained what led me to start this blog; namely, to give an account of my search to find a way to get through the day without screaming, in the event that it might benefit others.
To begin with I sought relief through escapism. From the time I was very young, I displayed an aptitude for making up stories and songs. When I was about seven years old I began to write poetry and imaginative prose. At some point, I got the idea that I wanted to write a novel, and that notion has been following me around ever since. Every now and then I pull one of my many writing projects out from the back of the closet and give it another going over.
My most recent bout of nostalgia was triggered by a desperate desire to disappear into something, ANYTHING!!! that would get me away from my pain.
In fact, I became quite obsessed with working on this thing, to the exclusion of everything else.
My preoccupation eventually became so central to my existence that it was all I could talk about, and I sullenly bristled at any attempt to get me off this topic, because I felt as if it was the only thing that was preventing me from going out of my mind with pain at this point.
Meanwhile, I continued to work on this project—rapidly transmogrifying into a multi-part saga—but right in the middle of this I had also started writing some fan fiction for a science fiction web site, and—you guessed it—bits of my narrative began to leak out onto the virtual page as well.
The first story I wrote in collaboration with another member, who had a penchant for adding forum members as characters. I continued this tradition in the following stories, but only after obtaining people’s permission and feedback about what sort of roles they wanted. (I also read their posts to get an idea of their likes and dislikes, and asked them questions to fill in the details.)
One member asked to be a villain, a mad monk, in fact, and I obliged. As a result of this inclusion, I suddenly realized that I now had to invent a religion to go with my already voluminous tale!
In my next entry, I will reveal how this turn of events led me to a possible path through my agony.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
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