Bolster: Practice, Practice, Practice

It is truly remarkable what a difference it makes when one simply sits with whatever is present and faces it, with an attitude of kindly interest.

For example, yesterday, in my meditation, I had a direct encounter with panic and the anguish associated with it. When I suffer from such intense feelings, I sometimes think I can’t possibly stand it, and feel as if it will never go away. This time, perhaps because it happened during my meditation, I noticed how quickly it actually disappeared when I just sat with it and left it alone.

A similar thing happened today. As there is a major snowstorm coming, there has been a radical shift in the weather, from high to low pressure, and cold to warm, I have developed a severe migraine headache. (This too probably accounts for the panic yesterday, as I often experience intense feelings of all sorts prior to one of these migraine attacks.)

From past experience, I have learned that the best thing for me to do is to relax right into the headache instead of resisting it. Then I do loving-kindness practice towards the headache. The effect is amazing. When I do these two things, a major easing of the pain occurs, making it much less unpleasant. I’m not sure I got the idea; I just tried it one day and it worked, and it still does.

Closely observing what is happening but not getting involved in it provides an opportunity to determine what can be tried to make a positive difference. Of course this takes practice and trial-and-error. I still get caught up in what’s happening quite often and suffer the consequences. At the same time, however, this reminds me of the benefits of practicing the opposite.

Body: From Reaction to Responsiveness

On the topic of working with physical pain: something is changing.

When I first started, my reaction/response was dictated by my aversion to the pain I feel.

Gradually, very gradually, however, perhaps due to practice and application of loving-kindness and mindfulness, I am finding that pain is being stripped of the extra reactions, such as, “oh no, not again!” And “I don’t want this,” etc.

In its place is simply, “how can I respond to this, in the most effective and kindly way?”

Then I make adjustments as needed, or simply try to take an open gentle attitude towards this complex sensation, to be with it.

Then I can also investigate it, and sort out what it is I actually feel.

Interestingly, I often find that when I do examine it, it’s not what I ‘thought’ it was, and sometimes I even have trouble finding it. It then becomes just sensation, and is not so difficult to deal with.

Nevertheless, there are still many times when an unexpected pain arises that I react or worry, as in “what now?” Or, “this isn’t supposed to happen.” And then, there are other times when it’s just really difficult.

I am not yet ready to go without pain medication by any means, but it appears that there has been some progress. It is an ongoing process, never ending I imagine, for as long there is this body.

Blossom: Opening to My Losses

And so I went for a dip,
In the water under the bridge,
And let the tears flow for a while.
Then, well refreshed by my swim,
I was able to get on with my day.

And when I did my work,
I shared the fruits of
My acceptance
With those needing comfort.

Thus, by opening to my losses,
And recognizing them,
I found relief,
And was able to
Redistribute what I gained
From this practice.

As for the long run,
I reflected upon whether
This process will ever end,
And if it doesn’t
Can I accept that too?
And then what?

I will not have the answers
Until I get the results,
And so, I shall continue,
Like a diver,

Exploring the sea.