Collared: Mired in Misgivings

Bout of doubt,
Day two,
Feelings:
Angry and Blue.

But in Tara
I still believe:
She’s the light
That helps relieve

These dark feelings,
Of distrust
And grief,
Of neediness and craving,

She keeps the faith
While I wobble,
Stumble and fumble
Around Samsara,

Because her realm
Is Nirvana,
The place where
Certainty and hesitation meet.

Patiently she sits
Awaiting my return
To my senses,
And my path—if there is one.

It’s been said,
“We are here to learn.”
What shall I discover
If I continue looking?

I’m afraid to find out;
So, I turn away
When I should turn towards.
Where does acceptance go
When it goes?

Collapse: Doubters’ Prison?

Oh, botheration!
I’ve hit a snag:
I’m sick of meditation
This Dharma is a drag!

How long this time,
Will this last?
Is it the end?
I wonder,

Or, to be ignored
As just another
Dharma blunder?
Who is stealing my thunder?

Is it me,
Or the weather,
Should I give up,
Or try harder?

Apply more effort,
Is that what it takes?
In this snakes and ladders
It feels all snakes.

Why serpents?
This is no Eden,
I’m merely fighting
For my freedom.

Is that what I’m doing?
Striving for liberation
When did that happen?
I thought I was dreaming.

I wanted to get through the day
Without screaming,
What is this, new scheming?
I’ve lost my way again;
I hope I can recover.

Coil: Stuck on Caught

To rest in the potentiality
Of the moment
Brings happiness,

Or maybe the best way
Is to forget about it,
And when caught
Get reminded.

Then there is only
Getting caught and un-caught;
So, why study that?
Why take an interest?

Does attention not just
Get you caught more?
Or, merely teach you
The folly of getting caught?

Or does such awareness teach you
The foolishness of bothering
About whether
You are caught or not?

Conversely, if you take notice,
Do you see it’s unimportant
And stop?
Or does that increase the stickiness?

Perhaps examining the phenomenon
Only feeds self-obsession and attachment,
As maybe mostly we’re not caught,
And if we are, so what?

Does it matter?—Could this be the point?
(I have the feeling
I’ve done this one before,
Oops, caught again!)