Body: From Reaction to Responsiveness

On the topic of working with physical pain: something is changing.

When I first started, my reaction/response was dictated by my aversion to the pain I feel.

Gradually, very gradually, however, perhaps due to practice and application of loving-kindness and mindfulness, I am finding that pain is being stripped of the extra reactions, such as, “oh no, not again!” And “I don’t want this,” etc.

In its place is simply, “how can I respond to this, in the most effective and kindly way?”

Then I make adjustments as needed, or simply try to take an open gentle attitude towards this complex sensation, to be with it.

Then I can also investigate it, and sort out what it is I actually feel.

Interestingly, I often find that when I do examine it, it’s not what I ‘thought’ it was, and sometimes I even have trouble finding it. It then becomes just sensation, and is not so difficult to deal with.

Nevertheless, there are still many times when an unexpected pain arises that I react or worry, as in “what now?” Or, “this isn’t supposed to happen.” And then, there are other times when it’s just really difficult.

I am not yet ready to go without pain medication by any means, but it appears that there has been some progress. It is an ongoing process, never ending I imagine, for as long there is this body.

Blossom: Opening to My Losses

And so I went for a dip,
In the water under the bridge,
And let the tears flow for a while.
Then, well refreshed by my swim,
I was able to get on with my day.

And when I did my work,
I shared the fruits of
My acceptance
With those needing comfort.

Thus, by opening to my losses,
And recognizing them,
I found relief,
And was able to
Redistribute what I gained
From this practice.

As for the long run,
I reflected upon whether
This process will ever end,
And if it doesn’t
Can I accept that too?
And then what?

I will not have the answers
Until I get the results,
And so, I shall continue,
Like a diver,

Exploring the sea.

Blockage: Deluge

My previous reflection was prophetic.
For recently, I received a letter from family members,
From whom I have been estranged for many years,
Asking for me to contact them.
(They are getting old, you see,
And facing up to their mortality.)

When I read this letter,
At first it merely renewed my rage,
For past inequities;
But then, upon considering my last entry,
I realized that with or without them,
I need to accept my hurt, my grief, my loss, my
Disappointment.
For, by my previous logic
Rejection of this pain
May mean
Being unable to fully accept
Happiness either.

Life is a mixed bag,
That’s for sure,
And there’s enough water under this bridge
To swamp a star liner;
But, perhaps that’s what all those
Swimming lessons were for,
Which were, appropriately enough,
Paid for by the sponsors of
This particular deluge.