Ado: Rumours of My Disappearance

Last time, I wrote about how, in the middle of a particularly vicious Fibromyalgia attack, I fell to reflecting upon Tara Buddha’s predicament, that of being a Buddha to whom devotees continually cry out for rescue from the round of suffering of this world.

So, here I was cringing in agony, feeling sorry for this being, supposedly residing in perpetual bliss in Nirvana, and yet constantly bombarded by cries for help.

Quelle bizarre, no?

Well, I thought so anyway.

In keeping with my feelings of uselessness, I decided that the best response was for me to give her all of my merit and everything else I possessed, so that she could transform this into, . . . whatever it is that she has to transform it in to facilitate the release from suffering of everybody requesting it.

Then, as I said, everything seemed to disappear, including me, except that there seemed to be something left over, which wasn’t something, nor was it nothing. Even afterwards, I couldn’t describe whatever the not something not nothing was, or what it wasn’t. All sense of the passage of time completely disappeared as well, so that this whatever could have gone on for days for all I knew while I was in it, and as for who was left to know anything at all, I could not say.

In addition, there was also this disembodied voice (presumably mine), which said “What is this? Is it bliss? No. Is it sadness? No,” and so on.

Then there was also this kind of greyness in the whatever, which reminded me of a ripple in a pond, when a fish comes close to the surface and stirs the water slightly. Later, I formed the impression that this was where “me” went, as if I had somehow been flushed down the drain or something.

After an interval, which as I had looked at my watch shortly before this incident, I guessed to be at least twenty minutes, everything came back, including the pain, which had disappeared along with everything else.

What to make of this? I had not idea, but as it turned out this was just the movie trailer. The weirdest was yet to come.

Next time: riding the rocket.

Adjournment: the Mysteries of Tara

Last time, I wrote about some of the information I found on Tara Buddha, and my reactions to it. This time I will briefly discuss some of the practices associated with her.

There are a number of practices associated with Tara. Using her name as a mantra is probably the simplest one, and I have found this beneficial for getting me through pain, anxiety, insomnia, and all sorts of stress. There are also various mantras, the most general of which is, “Om Tara tu tareh tureh soha.” I’ve seen several different versions of the pronunciations, and I am not even sure if mine is quite right. Nevertheless, I find that if I recite it in the way I have written, it gives me a great sense of energy, which can come in handy when I am having trouble with the fatigue resulting from the pain and poor sleep caused by my Fibromyaligia.

Then there is also the 21 praises of Tara, various versions of which are easily found all over the Internet. I have been working on one of my own for quite some time, by combining different versions to make one that I like. The idea is that you recite them out loud. Again, I find this energizing and absorbing.

This being said, I was still not ready for the onslaught of health problems and pain that struck next. I’m not sure what it was about. I know that I was very busy working on a master’s degree, going to work, and later discovered that I had also been suffering from iron deficient anemia. By the Christmas break, I was exhausted and I was hit by what felt like a wall of pain that just would not let up.

I had to work a lot over Christmas, but when I wasn’t there, I spent a lot of my time lying flat on my back in agony, thinking about Tara. At one point I just kept saying her name over and over and over. Then I began to reflect on what a burden it would be to have to sit in meditation all day, having everybody talking at me, clamouring for liberation.

In Buddhism, there is the idea of accumulating merit or good Karma (as well as bad Karma), and in Tibetan practice the idea that you can actually share your good Karma with others. Reflecting on Tara’s situation, I thought, ‘whatever merit I may have, the way I see it, you need it more than I do, Tara; so, why don’t you just take it? In fact, why don’t you just take everything!’

And, with that (I don’t know how else to say this), at that very moment, everything disappeared, including me!!! (blinks)

Next time: where did everything go? Or, who turned out the lights?

Adept: The Irrepressible Tara

In my last post, I wrote about some of the benefits of the loving-kindness meditation practice demonstrated by Jack Kornfield, in Beginner’s Guide to Buddhism, and my inexplicable reaction to reading about a certain Buddha named Tara. To reiterate, “I’ve found you at last!” I exclaimed. “Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you everywhere!!!”

In Tibetan Buddhism Tara represents many virtues, compassionate wisdom being chief among them. She has many faces or aspects, but most importantly in my case, she is associated with healing. As Wikipedia puts it, “she expresses maternal compassion and offers healing to beings who are hurt or wounded, either physically or psychically.” There are mantras associated with her, but it is said in Tibetan folklore that simply calling her name is enough to invoke her powers.

Is she considered real? Yes and no. My impression is that she is a symbolic representation of various elements of the feminine aspect in all of us. Coincidentally perhaps, as I understand it, in traditional Chinese medicine it is an imbalance between masculine and feminine forces that causes ill health.

‘Could this be what I was lacking?’ I wondered.

Or, maybe it was the legend that impressed me so much. For, one version of the story goes that once upon a time, “millions of years in the past,” there was a princess named “Yeshe Dawa,” who became a very advanced student of Buddhism, under the Buddha of that particular era. Some, undoubtedly ignorant male monks then made the foolish mistake of suggesting to her that if she really wanted to make progress, she ought to come back in her next life as a man. (Oops!) Her reaction was along the lines of, “excuse me, there’s something wrong with being female!? Hmm? And just to show you how dumb you are, not only am I not going to do that, but I am going to achieve Buddhahood as a woman. So there!!!” (What a woman!)

And, you guessed it, she did exactly that! She then sat down in “meditation for some ten million years,” which resulted in the liberation of “tens of millions of beings.”

Is that cool, or what! LOL I certainly thought so. On my good days, she is like a spirit friend, on my not so good days she is like a guru (spiritual guide), and on my really bad days, she’s like a Mother. You know those days, when you feel like screaming, “MOMMY!!!” That’s how I feel about her.

Next time: more about Tara and practices associated with her.