Galvanize: Metta Renewal

But then now
I return to metta,
But metta
Of a different sort

I intone:
"May I be free
From
Greed and distress towards the world."

And for a while
At least,
Am a diner at a feast
Of tranquility and equanimity

Every time I stray
From the thought for the day,
I bring my mind back
To these eleven words

These thirteen precious syllables
That quiet my thirst,
That burst the bloated bubble
Of the self-centered trouble

Not egolessness
But restraint,
Lacking the taint
Of the defiled world

No smell of rot,
No desperate clawing fingers
Scratching the bottom
Of the empty pot

The din of desires
is silent for a jot;
The difference is:  quite a lot!
And I continue to practice diligently
With it all day long

Fall To: Keep Moving

The Fibro-attack returns
And, oh, how my chest burns!
My shoulders ache,
Restlessness, despair and fear overtake

The changing winds
Catch me in their wake
And I am knocked over
By the pounding of the waves

I tried meditation, yoga, walking and resting,
Devotional practice and chanting
But finally, at wits end, switched to
Tylenol 3, obtaining some relief

Still, when I tried to read
The tears surfaced,
From somewhere, unbidden,
As if the story touched a nerve

Not entirely sure
What that's all about
But then found help
In direct pointing to neither here nor not

In this place I found temporary respite
But had to get up and do some work,
which broke the spell somewhat
Nevertheless leading to some new insights

Impermanence makes
All good things precious;
In the flow
We watch and slip away,

Enjoying
The fleeting contact
All the more
And waving goodbye

Exhort: Redirectng Energy

Agitation, frustration,
Have me in their grip,
Beside myself,
Deciding what to do,

Finally resorting
To an old trick,
Used to be,
I’d pour it into activity,

Now instead,
I take hold
Of this energy
And redirect it differently,

Steering the ire
Towards stabilizing mind and body,
Breathing in steadying body and mind,
Breathing out steadying body and mind,

Filling the lungs softly
And then, expelling tension and distress,
Evenly, dispassionately,
Leveling the fluctuations,

Mastering the passions
By persistent actions,
Then repeating metta phrases,
To compose and refresh,

Reducing stress,
Alleviating suffering,
Consistently buffering
The buffeting,

As wave after wave
Of irritation passes through,
Continuing to labour
As long as is necessary
To gain stability.

Estuary: Practice Entry

A day of meditation,
Of turning inward
And feeling
The energy within,

That comes in
Different flavours,
Depending on
What mood I’m in

And then,
Feeling this energy,
I imagine it
Suffusing the entire body,

Every cell
Gets
An equal share
And every structure too,

And not to forget
Every bit of space
Whether in between
Or within,

And when the job is done,
It’s so much fun
That strong bliss arises,
Which in turn is distributed

First within the body with loving-kindness
And then expanding outward
To all beings with compassion
And then to all of everything,

In every direction,
Every realm,
Every astral plane
Everywhere
And finally, there is equanimity.

Ensconced: Heart Notes

Picking up from where I left off yesterday, I also like Ajahn Chah’s comment, “Nowhere in the world is any real peace to be found. That’s the nature of the world. Look within yourself and find it instead” (A Tree in a Forest, 17).

The first two parts are certainly consistent with my experience and the third with my conclusion that if I want kindness, there’s no use waiting around for it to fall on me from somewhere ‘out there.’ Oh no! If I want any, I am going to have to make my own because it’s definitely an inside job.

Nevertheless, after the bliss and even the stability described in my previous post, as usual, the rage came, along with a desire for revenge.

But then, turning towards the heart and breathing through the heart, there was that stability again.

Continuing to look, I saw that the rage and desire were happening on the surface, i.e., were superficial, although moments before they had seemed so strong.

Oddly too, this part of the body in the area of the heart is a place where I often have a lot of pain from the Fibromyalgia, and it felt so strange, this combination of pain and stability.

No wonder I’ve had so much trouble finding it, as I’m often reluctant to bring my attention to that place because it hurts, but the stability too is very intense.

Then fear did indeed set in and it was back to breathing globally, i.e., with expanded attention, encompassing the entire body.

And so, I continue to see that there does indeed seem to be an instruction manual pre-installed. For every time I bring attention to the heart, I learn something new.

May the discoveries keep on coming and extend outwards to you, and you and you!
May all beings be well
May all beings be truly happy.
May all beings be free!

May it be so.

Embrace: Loving Kindness

There’s anger still
That seems to block pain,
Which poses less of a problem
At this point in time,

Emotions flow freely,
Unimpeded and easily,
Watched over and held
With compassionate attitude;

Doesn’t feel so bad,
To be so mad
When an understanding gaze
Overseas this rage,

Turning ever so gently
Towards the typhoon,
Letting it slip through the fingers
Like overflow released from a dam.

Then very slowly
The tide subsides,
Transforming gradually
Into peace and quiet;

The waters lap gently
Against the shore,
And the sun goes down,
Cooling the hot water.

Ease and tranquility
Replace aversive agitation,
Then the stars appear
And the mind is in the clear.

Looking up at the night sky
And melting into the scene;
Released from the tirade gone by,
Equanimity draws nigh.

Embedding: Re-enforcing the Roots

Well, that was useful,
To let go of the past,
To temporarily forget
For as long as this lasts;

These regular eruptions
Are such diverting interruptions,
Then I bring the attention back
And await the next attack.

Mara strikes fast
And out pours another blast,
From the volcano within
Upwells a ferocious din.

But eventually I return
And Mara’s invitations do spurn,
Then peaceful and free,
Sidestep another spree.

Even when I do stumble
And take a tumble,
Eventually I pop right up
And continue on to further work,

Rekindling the spirit
And refreshing the mind
With whatever skillful means
My heart can find.

With compassionate eyes
I turn towards the trouble,
Pouring water on the lava,
To soothe the hot river;

Then more gently it flows
Cools down and less glows,
Gradually hardening into strength
And returning harmlessly to earth.

Dreamy: Metta Weather

Sweet afternoon
Not a care in the world
Drifting in solitude
Drinking in the sun,

Airplanes overhead
Making wispy trails
Scooting somewhere
Melodiously droning,

Birds sail past
Resting on the wind
Some carrying twigs
With which to build their nests,

While I sit
Counting breaths
Inhaling happiness
Exhaling loving kindness,

Sending metta wishes
To all places
Whatever their season
Monsoons or blizzards even,

May all beings
Be safe and well
At ease
And at peace,

Let no danger find them
Nor chains bind them
May they all be free
And clearly see,

May their paths lead straight
To Nirvana’s gate
Or if not
Be pleasant and scenic.

Dissension: Making up the Mind

Tonight’s repast,
A simple vegetarian stew,
Enough for one hungry
Or two on a diet;

Pondering deeply
Various questions,
Am I progressing?
Or just recycling?

Examining this wheel,
This repeating pattern,
Speculating upon
Where it’s going next.

Discouragingly predictable
From this perspective,
Whatever that may be,
Something negative I expect,

But here’s the quandary:
Where to go
And how to get there
Without replicating the cycle?

It’s so predictable
After a while
But, hey, maybe
That’s the way out,

Experimenting with different approaches,
Letting go, trying to change,
But not sure what’s appropriate
Or if it will work;

Oh well, got to get going,
Stop dithering and fiddling
And do some mindfulness,
Bringing kindness and awareness to it.

Discomfort: Nose-a-Nuisance

Today’s main chores
To exercise and go to work
But a challenge came up
In the form of a nasty head cold,

Such a runny nose!
Unknown in recent memory,
No over-the-counter medicinal tricks
Could stop this tap form leaking,

Every remedy tried
Just created more frustration,
More tissues gone through
Than at an allergy suffers convention;

Holding a tissue
Under my nose
Throughout my shift
Did not enhance my experience

But I got through it somehow
And completed my tasks,
Gratefully heading home
To rest up for tomorrow’s jobs.

Such fatigue
From such small inconvenience
Seems incredible!
What a silly scene;

Readying a few items for the morning
And taking time
For loving-kindness practice,
To ease discomfort and soften the heart;

Snuffling away
As I prepare for bed
Relieved to be at home
And able to relax.

Discharge: Volcanic Event

Thursday, already, oh!
What a frustrating week,
Having trouble getting going
Due to plunging energy;

If only the weather would co-operate
And settle down a little,
Maybe the headaches would stop,
The pain skid addle

And the mood swings as well,
Recurrent blistering anger,
Incessant rumination
And loss of temper;

Meditation practice
Consisting mostly of metta,
Trying to bring kindness
To the palaver,

Slow breathing and stretching,
Bringing body and mind together,
Exercising and resting
And patience applying;

Faster than expected
Evening arrived,
Working into the night
Attempting to catch up,

Ate so late
Was almost Friday,
Only a light meal
As little time for otherwise,

And when bedtime at last,
‘Twas well into the wee hours,
Too soon comes the dawn,
And tasks undone still without number.

Discernment: Exploring Concentration

Meditating steadily,
Applying loving-kindness,
Floating in joy and bliss,
Nothing amiss,

Absorption in glowing yellow,
Lightheadedness sets in,
Energy rises through the head,
Surging, frothing, overflowing;

Settling ensues,
Gliding into tranquil waters,
Dead calm and fuzziness
But more effort increases focus.

Experiencing stable awareness,
Level but at ease,
Being at peace,
Body barely noticed

But then tension grows,
From staying so long
In the same position,
Reluctance to move, however;

Exertion redoubled,
Zooming in on the breath,
Concentration intensification,
Stillness regained;

Coldness breaks out
Creating more contraction,
Attraction irresistible
And attention gets pulled away.

Finally, time’s up
And along comes big muscle stretching,
From end to end
And back again,
Relishing the experience.

Diligent: Tending the Fire

Mega metta,
Monumental exertion,
Intentional identification
With loving-kindness awareness;

Energetically repeating
Well-wishing phrases
And observing the upwelling
Of peace and receptivity;

Except, what’s this?
Anger fiercely arising,
Far too strong to be ignored,
It shrouds the horizon,

And so, turning towards the physical sensations
And investigating this disturbance,
Experienced as intense tingling and inner blackness
Deep inside the center of the chest;

But, is that all? What a relief!
‘Tis only a sensational surge,
Just a little bird flapping about,
Exercising its tiny wings

And as gradually the agitated avian settles,
Attention inclines towards awareness itself,
Observing the kindness growing within it
And back to metta the focus goes,

Savouring the glowing warmth,
Glorying in the light of the growing blaze,
Marveling at the miracle
That simple sustained effort can generate such well being.

Slowly comfort diffuses through,
Cooling into a tranquil state,
A stable calm,
A well of ease upon which to draw
Whenever the restless sparrow stirs within the heart.

Devotional: Uninhibited Awareness

The frigid weather returns;
So much fuel has to be burned
To keep everybody warm
In the face of the oncoming storm,

Meanwhile, the heart remains steady,
Hospitable to all that’s on,
Receptive to the changeable climate within,
Offering comfort to the churning inner winds;

Mindfulness is the ally in this,
For then not even the slightest flutter is missed
And attention can be directed
Towards whatever’s amiss

And from inside the awareness,
From this vibrant process,
So often now there’s such bliss,
Such joy, such delight,

Happiness gushes forth and energy abounds,
The joy in this consciousness
Fills the inner screen
And leads to such peace;

Not sure how this happened
But the ease keeps increasing,
Especially each time I apply
The metta phrases

But often even when
Merely coming from
The awareness direction,
And enhanced by not clinging;

Letting go of form,
Of feeling, of perception,
Of thought and consciousness
Brings about a lightness
That is wondrous to behold!

Devotion: Staying on Course

Now taking time for silent sitting,
Drinking in the quiet, settling,
Bathed in ease,
Fully alert and at peace,

Gradually opening attention to all that’s present:
Heat and tingling in the body,
Vibrations in the ears,
Previously unnoticed background sounds,

Traffic roars far below,
Doors open and close,
Footsteps patter on tiles,
Ventilation system hums;

Then metta phrases flit through mind,
Gently massaging the inner clime,
Slowly compassion grows,
Sheltered as in a greenhouse it glows,

These tiny seeds planted each day
Sprout the next,
Bursting upward through the soil,
Filling open space with vibrant colour;

Results already visible from
The regular application of this effort
That first began with metta towards myself
And spontaneously enveloped all beings;

Like a plant growing towards the light
Mind recognizes what’s good for it:
When it discovers something beneficial,
It reaches keenly in that direction

And upon careful inspection and experimentation,
Finds its way into a haven,
A place from which it can turn outward
And calmly face the world’s raving.

Development: Regulating Effort

Traces of irritability
Have begun to arise,
Signaling the need
To reappraise;

Decision made
To slow the pace,
Inserting metta
And yoga stretching into its place,

Pausing regularly
To reconnect with body and mind
Rejuvenates both, helps unwind
And prevents my work from becoming a grind;

Making even effort into a habit
Ensures a stable energy supply,
Which enables me to apply
A steady hand upon which I can rely;

Then my tasks go smoothly
And I do not tire,
As my vigour does not expire
But continues to rise even higher,

And in my metta wishes
I include the following:
That I may direct this fuel
In the wisest way,

The consequences of which will be
Even more zest with which I may
Accomplish ever more and stay
On track with what I need to do;

And now, as I prepare to resume my tasks,
I wish everyone the same good fortune,
To have enough strength and discretion
To make consistent their efforts
And aim them in a wise direction.

Determined: Returning to Effort

Snags may come and go
But the river still flows,
Regardless of the trees that fall
And clutter up the stream,

Fishes shelter from the hot sun
Beneath the boughs
Or conceal themselves from predators
While the leafy green persists,

Until death and decay take them both,
Which is after all the direction we all take
No matter what we do,
So we might as well relax into the water,

Floating along as far as we can
Through the sparkling turbulence,
Down the waterfalls
And over the smooth stretches,

Cruising into the estuaries,
Beyond which the sea beckons,
Gliding over the waves
Or slipping below them to the sandy bottom,

Resting there for how long?
Or maybe simply dissolving
For who knows what duration?
Or how often;

Is there another shore
Upon which we climb?
Or is it really the end
Of our journey to which we are going?

Finally, I abandon these fruitless musings
And return to the glow of metta fires,
Embracing the happiness to which my heart aspires,
Leaving behind all doubts and desires.

Detection: Sides of a Coin

Racing the clock
But with considerable ease,
Mind and body fully engaged,
Yet holding steady at a regular pace,

Pausing only to meditate,
Absorbed in stillness,
Watching body and mind
Busily buzzing,

Aches, pains and tingling fizz,
Sounds and scents permeate and pass,
Colours and shapes form and dissolve in the sensory gloom,
Thoughts and emotions blossom and bloom;

Completely feeling experience,
Then turning towards awareness
And comparing its strength,
Seeing events in relation to consciousness,

And now from awareness
Extending acceptance
To whatever’s transpiring,
Wherever it occurs,

Connecting to the eternal stream
From which loving-kindness flows,
Gently touching every corner of being,
Until shining light explodes inside the mind’s eye,

Finally preparing to resume,
Making room for acceptance
In the rapid zoom
Of daily life;

Confidently striving on,
Enfolded in a field of calm,
Gracefully striding along,
Re-embracing the bustle.

Designation: Bags of Salt

I didn’t know that I knew “this,”
But even that which I now know I knew
Is unknown, meaning, I don’t know that either!
And how could this possibly be taught?

I always knew “this,” but what is this, “this”
That I’ve always known? —I have no idea!
The “this,” that I know that I don’t know,
How could this be learned?

Luckily for me, I’m not a Dharma teacher!
But every now and then
There is this powerful desire
To try to help,

But I think this desire,
This most dangerous longing
To help
Just gets in the way,

I think maybe we help
In ways we don’t know,
Without knowing it
And that perhaps this is the best helping of all;

Our desire to know we’re helping,
Maybe is just ego—whatever that is!
So maybe metta just fulfills this desire
And gets it out of the way,

So that we can just get on with doing
Whatever it is we are really doing,
Whatever role we truly play in “this,”
Whatever “this” is,

And, in fact, my teacher has likely helped best
In the ways she doesn’t even know,
Which if I tried to explain
She probably would not understand,
Because it’s got nothing to do with her.

Derangement: Agitated Mindfulness

The aftermath spins,
Breathing in
Breathing out
Noticing what’s happening,

Practicing with metta,
Stretching and exercising,
Trying to keep the mind
Away from the frying pan,

Woke up too early
In a sweat,
Couldn’t get back to sleep
And tossed and turned instead;

Sleepily got up
And stumbled to the kitchen,
Prepared the coffee
And popped a patty in the toaster oven,

Pacing up and down,
Bemusement abounds,
Still not sure what to do,
Contemplating the rumination stew,

Eating very slowly,
Almost forgetting the second course,
Waiting for the oatmeal
And considering the best course;

All to quickly
The day wore on
And so little got done
As the mind churned on;

Very repetitive
These distracting thoughts
But I can’t get ahead of them
Nor let these notions drop.