Headway: Next

After many busy practice days
I concluded that my goal was just this:
The regular pursuit of
Non-sensual mind-calming bliss;

But then one day, fully overwhelmed by
Ferocious hatred and passion for vengeance,
I asked myself, 'What if
My desire was fulfilled forthwith?'

Imagining such brought forth
Intense non-sensual joy
That I then sought to increase
After dropping the original object of it;

Having thus, through right effort, purified this happiness
And similarly vanquishing all hindrances to it,
Even those that hadn't arisen yet!
I moved on to a yet greater task;

I asked myself, 'What if
with a single finger-snap I could ensure
For all time that
No such hindrances could ever arise?'

And right then there ceased
All discrimination along the lines of
'What I want, don't want or neither,'
which result felt like nothing I could describe here!

But also led to the cessation of
All action and will to action,
which I found not to be
A very helpful consequence;

'Then, perhaps,' thought I, 'tis not
Wanting, nor not wanting, nor neither that's at fault
But imbalance:  one-pointed obsession on any of these three,
And that what is needed is a wider view
That encompasses this trio and all else too!

Gauging: Practice Adjustments

I have learned
Through direct experience,
The pitfalls
Of certain practices

When practicing mental seclusion
From greed and distress
Towards the world,
One must be on guard

For even from within the ensuing steadiness,
Equanimity and apparent clearheadedness,
Into the mind that is new to this
Enters most profound deludedness

What at first appears to be happiness,
Enthusiasm and openhandedness
May turn out to be thirst
Towards worldly passions or worse!

And to this one needs bring mindfulness,
Investigation and analysis:
Determining what is really happening
And dispelling delusion with wisdom

Recalling to mind the consequences
Of following the wrong way:
That which leads to bad outcomes,
One well travelled, now to be abandoned

This constant rememberance appears essential,
To not forget that which is fundamental:
That succumbing to unhealthy desires
Is how this samsara wheel got started

It is crucial to not be fooled,
Not be taken in once again
The remedy being constant practice
With insight into delusion
As well as concentration resulting in seclusion

Fuzzy: Not Sure

More imperfection today?
Oh yes, it never stops
And with it a rabbit hops,
Another leap of insight:

If all is imperfect
Then, so is practice
And so is any insight gained
Or any enjoyment obtained

How can one make a mistake
When all is mistaken?
I laughed and observed (imperfectly)
How flawed the laughter;

How imperfect is the sound
How impure the contact with the ear
How defiled the sensation arising therefrom
How deficient the sense organ

And then a non-sensation
Within the world of sensation,
Or is it apart from it?
And is that too imperfect?

Is that merely another dhamma:
Just a filthy conditioned phenomenon
In a stagnant murky pool
In a snake infested swamp?

Of that I am uncertain
But regardless of the cause,
Notwithstanding its nature,
It is a pleasant feature

It is so quiet there,
So free of any disturbance,
So still, so calm
But so indeterminate
I'm not sure what it is

Furthest Yet: Over the Top!

There was noise
Quite a lot of noise,
Not unusual
At this time of year

While I waited
For 11 p.m. to occur
I tried a guided meditation
By myself, for myself

I focused on the aversion
On this occasion,
Asked if I could use it
To propel myself away from the world

I considered the world,
The imperfection of the world
Broke it down
To all its elements

Analyzed it down
To all the senses,
Contact at the senses,
The sense organs and the sensory processes;

All thinking
And all types of awareness;
The form of the body
And the form of the world:

The endless fruitless cycle
That repeats
And leads to nothing
But more of the same

Instructed myself
Not to take up any of it,
Not in any way;
And so passed the time
And then carried on with determination

Eyewitness: Involvement

Out of touch,
As, so busy, busy,
Flitting about
And getting lost
In so much

But still
Getting by,
Getting jobs done
And having fun,

Tripping over
Technological glitches
But finding temporary fixes,
Even though it’s so annoying,

Injecting humour
At every turnover,
Sharing mirth
And establishing worth,

Running around
From store to bank,
From bank to store,
From store to phone and out again,

Losing the plot
But accomplishing a lot
Of related tasks
In spite of delays and obstacles,

Learning fast
From mistakes
And missteps
And making progress,

Then impatiently waiting
But turning towards the impatience
And enjoying the process
Of observation.

Extremely: Pigeon Pie?

It’s pigeon mayhem
Around here,
Someone has fed them
And they just keep coming

And so, out I go
With my string mop
To the balcony
Waving it like a lance,

These irritating, messy birds flee;
Thus, every time I see
One of these filthy creatures,
Out I go,

Perhaps this is a hint
That I don’t get out enough
Or have not been exercising much of late
But I sure am now!

It’s not difficult
To remain mindful and alert
And get a good work out
When these villains come to call,

In addition, however,
I’ve been contemplating
Pigeon pie
And pigeon stew

But could I really do that?
Perhaps not
But if this keeps up
Who knows,

Maybe I would acquire a taste
For such and set some traps out there
But hopefully they will soon move on
And we won’t have to find out.

Extracting: Drinking the Moment

Returning to the present:
Restlessness,
Sloth and torpor,
Concentration,

Feeling the energy,
Hearing, seeing,
Observing the happenings,
Being with the breathing,

Thoughts come and go,
Passing like clouds
Through an endless sky
And disappearing over the horizon,

Sensations of heat and cold,
Grow and change
And merge
Into one another,

Close examination of pain
Reveals vibration
And a rainbow of colours
In the mind’s eye,

Fascinated by the show,
And so,
Forgetting about
The discomfort,

Sitting, as on a throne,
At the top
Of the world,
Looking outwards,

Spaciousness,
Melting into
The clear blue
Of the afternoon sky.

Explication: Process

One minute
Meditations,
That’s all
I seem to be doing,

Each one
Of which,
Leads to
Another bout of reflection

And then,
I write about it,
In between
Sips of hot black tea,

Meting out words
Like lemon drops,
Popping them
Into my mouth,

Tasting the
Tangy sweetness,
Chewing
And swallowing;

And then,
Reaching
For
Another one;

And starting
All over,
Until I’ve et
The whole packet;

And then,
Reaching
For
Another package
From the cupboard.

Exhort: Redirectng Energy

Agitation, frustration,
Have me in their grip,
Beside myself,
Deciding what to do,

Finally resorting
To an old trick,
Used to be,
I’d pour it into activity,

Now instead,
I take hold
Of this energy
And redirect it differently,

Steering the ire
Towards stabilizing mind and body,
Breathing in steadying body and mind,
Breathing out steadying body and mind,

Filling the lungs softly
And then, expelling tension and distress,
Evenly, dispassionately,
Leveling the fluctuations,

Mastering the passions
By persistent actions,
Then repeating metta phrases,
To compose and refresh,

Reducing stress,
Alleviating suffering,
Consistently buffering
The buffeting,

As wave after wave
Of irritation passes through,
Continuing to labour
As long as is necessary
To gain stability.

Everlasting: Flow

I had
Quite a scare,
As Fibromyalgia jitters
Grabbed me by the hair

But then I saw
How existence is,
That there is no distinction
Between nibbana/nirvana and THIS,

No distinction between
Existence and non-existence,
Permanence and impermanence
Self and not self,

This right here is it,
The flow of what is,
What isn’t,
What is and what isn’t,

Everything I see
Is it
And so
Am I

And you are it too
And so is everything else,
Everything above, below,
Before, behind, beside and within

And this is all
We need to know,
Over and over,
Every moment

And even when
We are through knowing,
If that is what happens,
We will still be what we are,
Which is, just this.

Eventual: When?

Dancing with
The great doubt,
Whose icy tendrils
Wrap around my heart,

Starring into the flame
That burns in my chest,
Fibromyalgia comes calling
Once again,

Discouragement flares up
Along with the pain,
Reminding me again
Of the impossible dream,

Of being free of this scourge
But when will that happen?
And there’s so much
That goes with it,

All this sensitivity
And such,
Sometimes, I tell you
It’s all too much!

Round and round
Roll the doubting thoughts,
How disheartening,
What rot!

Luckily I’ve got
My practice to fall back on,
I sink into the cushion
And turn towards the disturbance,

Feeling the energy
Go up and down
And sending it
Throughout the body
To nourish every hungry cell.

Evaporating: Calming the Restless Mind

Galloping elephants again!
Such agitation,
Such fear, such doubt,
What’s this all about?

Better not to ask
I think,
As I don’t think
I will ever figure it out,

Better to let the elephants
Pass through,
Unimpeded
And the mind relaxed a little,

Remembering
The benevolence of the elephants
That they do not
Mean to cause trouble

And, are in fact
Quite unaware
Of the difficulties
They bring to the forest,

Directing compassion
Towards the elephants
And the forest
And the trees,

Slowly, very slowly
The mind is soothed
And quiet ensues,
As the shadows lengthen,

The frenzied energy
Is replaced by bliss,
Which spreads throughout,
Bringing peace and renewal.

Evanescence: Short Break

The elephant tirade continues
Until it resolves into
An orderly parade,
A disciplined promenade,

The elephants stop
Beside a lake
And take a drink,
Watching warily for predators

And so,
I sit once more,
Amidst this temporary lull
In whatever ails me,

Although it’s better
Not to consult the list,
Or I’ll start to feel sorry for myself
All over again,

Lonesome and depressed,
Wondering ponderously
Or wandering aimlessly,
Until something better occurs to me,

This pointless rumination
Must stop
And so, thinking of the elephants
I cheer up,

They really are
Such beautiful creatures,
So intelligent,
Gregarious and elegant,

So well formed
And marvelous,
A tribute to
Nature’s ingenuity.

Evaluating: Closer Examination

Fear, fear, fear,
Agitation and doubt,
What a bout
And what’s it about?

Could it be,
I feel so safe to feel
That I’m ready
To let these hungry ghosts out?

Out, out, ghosts,
Go feed elsewhere,
I’ve better things to do
Or so I tell myself,

For maybe that’s the trouble,
It’s all so mundane,
So repetitive,
What a strain!

And yet,
There is much good here,
My pain is under control,
It’s only my fear that’s rampaging,

Like five elephants tied to a pole,
The five hindrances tug and pull,
Until they rip it out of the ground
And stampede into the forest,

Dragging the pole with them
And finally it gets stuck
In between two trees,
Which they tear down,

In their fear and fury
They run amok,
Galloping across the meadow,
Finally fleeing even from their own shadows
As the night sets in.

Etching: Mindfulness Day

Everything’s quieter
As I take a day off,
From running faster and harder
Before returning to the race,

Sitting leisurely
Sipping coffee,
While waiting for oatmeal
Cooking on the stove,

Dressed up with almonds
And an apple sliced up,
With ginger and cinnamon
And skim milk,

Eaten with a spoon
From a large metal bowl
That I then wash
And the counter clean up,

Then brushing my teeth,
Mindfully noticing
What that feels like,
Enjoying the sensations in the mouth,

Combing my hair
And washing my face,
Before settling down
For some mindfulness practice,

Mentally noting
What sensations are present,
What feelings,
What thoughts,

And what it’s like
To be examining,
Experiencing this way
And from this point of view.

Etch: Tuning In

Continuing to spin,
Considering rapidly
What’s on my list
That I may have missed,

Pausing to sit
And feel the energy
In the body,
Fizzing happily,

Moving on
To more work
I have to do
But carrying that experience more lightly,

Filtering it through
The body,
Relaxing into
The activity

But still aware
Of experience
And consciousness
Of what that’s like,

Makes it easier
To stay mindful,
When one takes the time
To sit and check in

And it only takes
A few minutes
To tune in
To what’s on,

To observe carefully
What’s here,
As it appears
And disappears.

Estuary: Practice Entry

A day of meditation,
Of turning inward
And feeling
The energy within,

That comes in
Different flavours,
Depending on
What mood I’m in

And then,
Feeling this energy,
I imagine it
Suffusing the entire body,

Every cell
Gets
An equal share
And every structure too,

And not to forget
Every bit of space
Whether in between
Or within,

And when the job is done,
It’s so much fun
That strong bliss arises,
Which in turn is distributed

First within the body with loving-kindness
And then expanding outward
To all beings with compassion
And then to all of everything,

In every direction,
Every realm,
Every astral plane
Everywhere
And finally, there is equanimity.

Establishment: Repetition

Last day of November,
Where’s the year gone?
It’s still there,
Right where we left it.

I cooked enough food
For two days
But feel like
Eating the whole thing!

Must be a cold winter
On the way,
If that’s
What’s happening;

Food, food,
It always
Comes back
To food,

I watched
As I got involved
In cooking,
Mindfully attentive

And then,
When eating,
Forgot
All about it,

What fun,
Getting involved
And forgetting
And remembering again;

I’m not sure
What it means
Or what use
To which if can be put
But at least it’s enjoyable, anyway.

Established: Beginner’s Mind

Maybe we don’t need to know
Where HERE is
And we just need to
Start from this place,
Whatever or wherever that is.

What then is this meditation?
To just sit and experience here,
Just as it is,
Without comment?

But we do this
All the time
And so
Maybe that’s all we need to do,

What we’ve always done
But did not realize
We were doing
All the time;

But how
Can we DO that?
Or maybe
That’s the wrong question,

Perhaps,
The question is,
How can we
Not do that?

If we do it
All the time,
Then there’s no need
To try or not try;

We just do it,
Without asking
How or why,
No business, no fuss.

Essence: Reconciliation

What a peculiar interlude,
As boundaries dissolved
And I felt the indivisibility
Of all

But then later,
Hatred burst forth
And I brought mindfulness to it,
Or so I thought,

For as I finished
And got up,
The oddest feeling overcame me,
That I’d been deeply deluded,

It was as if,
I’d been someone else,
Some alien being,
Totally foreign,

Shocked and dismayed
I turned away
From this unpleasant experience,
Rejecting it,

Then later,
When feeling more connected
And having time to
Concentrate,

Turned inwards
Once again
And there it was,
This intense ill will,

What to do?
I considered,
Then held it with compassion,
Spreading joy and happiness throughout.