Domain: Taking Refuge in Tara

Tara keep me sane!
Quiet my addled brain,
Guard my steps,
Lest my vessel upsets,

Steady this wobbly boat
And keep it afloat,
Quell this agitated mind,
Prevent it from going blind,

Calm the stormy sea
For how else can I cross to freedom?
But if that’s not the way
Show me how amidst the surf to play!

Keep me in the center of the sea-lane
And protect me from any bane,
Let me not get confused
But see clearly how to navigate my course,

Although I get lost
May my vision penetrate the void,
If I should fall overboard,
May I learn how to dance on the ocean floor!

If my resolve falters,
May I find it even among the turbulent waters
But when the lake is calm
May I continue to sail on,

Never ceasing in my efforts,
Even when the rain lets up,
Preparing for the next challenge,
Not resting too long before striving more

And when again the clouds form,
May I be ready, not caught unawares,
Grateful for Tara’s support
And alert for what’s afoot.

Divine: Tara

Catching me even when I fall,
That’s what Tara does,
Holding me up like a life preserver,
Though I float down Niagara Falls.

I don’t need a barrel
Or underwater gear,
As long as I’ve got Tara,
Guarding from the rear,

Her green always surrounds me,
Cushioning the ride,
Ensuring a regular course,
As through the water I slide.

No matter how much I falter,
I keep learning how to swim,
No matter how cold or turbulent the water,
I know that I will eventually win,

For Tara’s compassion flows all over,
Moderating the movement of the stream,
Keeping me above water,
Even when the darkness teems;

Although blackness lies below
The light above shines Tara green,
The fearless protector gently glows,
Comforting all who call her name.

So many times I’ve used that safety line
And always she answers,
In her way,
Whenever I ask for help

And then I feel supported
Even in the fiercest storms,
As no tempest saps her strength,
Nor obscures her brilliant light.

Director: At the End of the Day

Recalling energy to mind,
Exercising vigorously on the resulting fuel,
Sitting quietly, observing experience,
Calm and alert;

Making tea and sampling the flavour,
Taking a seat and sipping,
Letting the rich taste settle,
Entertaining the tongue;

Contemplating supper,
What shall I prepare?
Considering the options,
Putting a pot of water on;

Two tablespoons of almonds,
Oops, forgot the oil
And that goes in,
Then comes brown rice lentils and barley,

Adding the stock
And chopping the vegetables,
Waiting for the right time
To put them in,

Finally the spices
And the big cooking spoon
Is dipped in to serve
Into a big bowl for eating from,

Devotional practice follows,
Offering the aroma
To Tara Buddha
Before eating it;

Satisfied and a little sleepy,
Selecting an audio play
And kicking back to listen,
Laugh and enjoy.

Corpus: On My Mind

I was ready
To give up on mindfulness,
Until I remembered
Tara,

In the form of
A voice in my head
Calling my name,
As if she needed me;

How clever,
For how could one
Who’s occupation involves helping others
Ignore such a request?

I sat and visualized
Her across from me
In the usual place,
Inviting her to sit with me,

My resolve strengthened
And I was able to meditate,
Steadied by the perception of
Tara’s presence and her image;

Something worthwhile to investigate
Had indeed arisen,
And I set about
Noting all

Of what was present,
Whether pleasant
Or unpleasant,
Without judging or rejecting it.

Upon consideration of these events,
I take this as
A demonstration of
The mind’s power
To lead the body back home.

Collared: Mired in Misgivings

Bout of doubt,
Day two,
Feelings:
Angry and Blue.

But in Tara
I still believe:
She’s the light
That helps relieve

These dark feelings,
Of distrust
And grief,
Of neediness and craving,

She keeps the faith
While I wobble,
Stumble and fumble
Around Samsara,

Because her realm
Is Nirvana,
The place where
Certainty and hesitation meet.

Patiently she sits
Awaiting my return
To my senses,
And my path—if there is one.

It’s been said,
“We are here to learn.”
What shall I discover
If I continue looking?

I’m afraid to find out;
So, I turn away
When I should turn towards.
Where does acceptance go
When it goes?

Beleaguered: Hell

One day, when I was having a Fibromyalgia attack, I fell to reflecting upon hell, perhaps because I felt as if I was in it. I also thought about Tara Buddha and how in my visualizations I sometimes felt as if she poured her compassion all over me until it was overflowing all over the floor. Hence, I imagined myself in hell, and I wondered if the demons would get annoyed because I was making such a mess of the carpet.

“You there! Stop that!” Exclaimed the Demon shift supervisor. Do you have any idea how much it costs to carpet the entire precincts of hell with fire proof carpeting of the exact shade of charcoal black that Lucifer prefers?”

“Who me,” I replied. “I’m not in charge here. It’s Tara. She just keeps pouring compassion on me until it overflows.”

Materializing immediately at the sound of her name, “Yes?” said Tara.

The demon repeated his complaint, to which Tara replied, “I’m not in charge of reality, I just work here.”

Just then, Satan, on one of his regular walk-throughs of the factory floor, noticing the state of affairs, called the demon on the carpet.

The demon explained. “We’ll see about this!” Satan roared, ascending to the waiting room and demanding to be seen by God immediately to lodge a complaint.

“There’s a particularly long line up, this century,” the concierge informed him. “You’ll have to wait.” Naturally the devil attempted to jump the cue, but the other petitioners would have none of it. “Get behind me, Satan!” each one responded to his attempts to cut in. Sullenly, the devil complied.

Several millennia later the dark prince finally got in to see the Most High, who listened sympathetically while the demon vented his ire.

“You’re the one who put me in charge of hell. So, am I still in charge of hell or what?” He ended.

“I don’t see the problem. Some of these Buddhists don’t believe in me; so, of course I have to send them to hell. Besides that, they don’t mind it and it makes you crazy!!!” The Supreme being’s laugh shook the heavens.

The devil fumed, but there was nothing he could do about it; so, shaking with rage he slunk away back to his domains.

Advent: Ignition

In my last post, I wrote about how my Tara practice led to an experience of disappearance. This was merely the first in a series of peculiar events that occurred during one week of particularly intense Fibromyalgia pain.

The next day, I was again reduced to lying in bed moaning and groaning, but once again I was able to let go by focusing on Tara. This time, I was overcome by an intense feeling of bliss. All of my pain disappeared for a time. It was actually a bit scary because it seemed to come from nowhere. I concentrated on my breath, however, and then this cascading joy swept over me, practically lifting me off the bed. Alas, when it ended the pain returned.

During the next incident I was cooking supper. Suddenly a bright light seemed to emerge from deep inside of me, engulfing me. ‘It’s too bright! It’s too bright!’ I thought. I had to stop what I was doing and grab on to something. The light intensified, growing brighter and brighter, then exploding outward like some kind of supernova blast. I was enveloped in light and all-encompassing joy. (Interestingly, Tara is often associated with light; light and related imagery appear frequently in the 21 praises of Tara to which I alluded earlier.)

After that I was able to return to my task, had supper, and went to work. The feeling of joy persisted, however, and on my way home, I felt as if I could see the same light in everyone I saw on the street.

This all seemed amazing, incredible at the time, though I later learned that such experiences are quite common for many people who employ the sorts of practices in which I had been engaged. It turned out not to be anything special really, but it certainly felt unique back then.

Naturally, I wanted more information and kept looking for it. One place I found it was in a series of CDs called, Out of Your Mind, and other assorted talks by Alan Watts. He had an amazing way of explaining Buddhism, particularly Zen, which was so simple and yet so profound. It wasn’t until some years later that I discovered his little trick, which I am not going to reveal here; it’s much more fun for you to find out on your own. His material is all over the web; so, you should not have trouble finding it. A simple search is all it takes.

Next time, I will attempt to finish up the “My Quest” series, as I am itching to get on to writing about my current practice.

Ado: Rumours of My Disappearance

Last time, I wrote about how, in the middle of a particularly vicious Fibromyalgia attack, I fell to reflecting upon Tara Buddha’s predicament, that of being a Buddha to whom devotees continually cry out for rescue from the round of suffering of this world.

So, here I was cringing in agony, feeling sorry for this being, supposedly residing in perpetual bliss in Nirvana, and yet constantly bombarded by cries for help.

Quelle bizarre, no?

Well, I thought so anyway.

In keeping with my feelings of uselessness, I decided that the best response was for me to give her all of my merit and everything else I possessed, so that she could transform this into, . . . whatever it is that she has to transform it in to facilitate the release from suffering of everybody requesting it.

Then, as I said, everything seemed to disappear, including me, except that there seemed to be something left over, which wasn’t something, nor was it nothing. Even afterwards, I couldn’t describe whatever the not something not nothing was, or what it wasn’t. All sense of the passage of time completely disappeared as well, so that this whatever could have gone on for days for all I knew while I was in it, and as for who was left to know anything at all, I could not say.

In addition, there was also this disembodied voice (presumably mine), which said “What is this? Is it bliss? No. Is it sadness? No,” and so on.

Then there was also this kind of greyness in the whatever, which reminded me of a ripple in a pond, when a fish comes close to the surface and stirs the water slightly. Later, I formed the impression that this was where “me” went, as if I had somehow been flushed down the drain or something.

After an interval, which as I had looked at my watch shortly before this incident, I guessed to be at least twenty minutes, everything came back, including the pain, which had disappeared along with everything else.

What to make of this? I had not idea, but as it turned out this was just the movie trailer. The weirdest was yet to come.

Next time: riding the rocket.

Adjournment: the Mysteries of Tara

Last time, I wrote about some of the information I found on Tara Buddha, and my reactions to it. This time I will briefly discuss some of the practices associated with her.

There are a number of practices associated with Tara. Using her name as a mantra is probably the simplest one, and I have found this beneficial for getting me through pain, anxiety, insomnia, and all sorts of stress. There are also various mantras, the most general of which is, “Om Tara tu tareh tureh soha.” I’ve seen several different versions of the pronunciations, and I am not even sure if mine is quite right. Nevertheless, I find that if I recite it in the way I have written, it gives me a great sense of energy, which can come in handy when I am having trouble with the fatigue resulting from the pain and poor sleep caused by my Fibromyaligia.

Then there is also the 21 praises of Tara, various versions of which are easily found all over the Internet. I have been working on one of my own for quite some time, by combining different versions to make one that I like. The idea is that you recite them out loud. Again, I find this energizing and absorbing.

This being said, I was still not ready for the onslaught of health problems and pain that struck next. I’m not sure what it was about. I know that I was very busy working on a master’s degree, going to work, and later discovered that I had also been suffering from iron deficient anemia. By the Christmas break, I was exhausted and I was hit by what felt like a wall of pain that just would not let up.

I had to work a lot over Christmas, but when I wasn’t there, I spent a lot of my time lying flat on my back in agony, thinking about Tara. At one point I just kept saying her name over and over and over. Then I began to reflect on what a burden it would be to have to sit in meditation all day, having everybody talking at me, clamouring for liberation.

In Buddhism, there is the idea of accumulating merit or good Karma (as well as bad Karma), and in Tibetan practice the idea that you can actually share your good Karma with others. Reflecting on Tara’s situation, I thought, ‘whatever merit I may have, the way I see it, you need it more than I do, Tara; so, why don’t you just take it? In fact, why don’t you just take everything!’

And, with that (I don’t know how else to say this), at that very moment, everything disappeared, including me!!! (blinks)

Next time: where did everything go? Or, who turned out the lights?

Adept: The Irrepressible Tara

In my last post, I wrote about some of the benefits of the loving-kindness meditation practice demonstrated by Jack Kornfield, in Beginner’s Guide to Buddhism, and my inexplicable reaction to reading about a certain Buddha named Tara. To reiterate, “I’ve found you at last!” I exclaimed. “Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you everywhere!!!”

In Tibetan Buddhism Tara represents many virtues, compassionate wisdom being chief among them. She has many faces or aspects, but most importantly in my case, she is associated with healing. As Wikipedia puts it, “she expresses maternal compassion and offers healing to beings who are hurt or wounded, either physically or psychically.” There are mantras associated with her, but it is said in Tibetan folklore that simply calling her name is enough to invoke her powers.

Is she considered real? Yes and no. My impression is that she is a symbolic representation of various elements of the feminine aspect in all of us. Coincidentally perhaps, as I understand it, in traditional Chinese medicine it is an imbalance between masculine and feminine forces that causes ill health.

‘Could this be what I was lacking?’ I wondered.

Or, maybe it was the legend that impressed me so much. For, one version of the story goes that once upon a time, “millions of years in the past,” there was a princess named “Yeshe Dawa,” who became a very advanced student of Buddhism, under the Buddha of that particular era. Some, undoubtedly ignorant male monks then made the foolish mistake of suggesting to her that if she really wanted to make progress, she ought to come back in her next life as a man. (Oops!) Her reaction was along the lines of, “excuse me, there’s something wrong with being female!? Hmm? And just to show you how dumb you are, not only am I not going to do that, but I am going to achieve Buddhahood as a woman. So there!!!” (What a woman!)

And, you guessed it, she did exactly that! She then sat down in “meditation for some ten million years,” which resulted in the liberation of “tens of millions of beings.”

Is that cool, or what! LOL I certainly thought so. On my good days, she is like a spirit friend, on my not so good days she is like a guru (spiritual guide), and on my really bad days, she’s like a Mother. You know those days, when you feel like screaming, “MOMMY!!!” That’s how I feel about her.

Next time: more about Tara and practices associated with her.

Actuation: I am Inspired

Last time, I wrote about the mixed results I obtained when I attempted to apply the instructions supplied for loving-kindness meditation by Jack Kornfield, in his audio book, Beginner’s Guide to Buddhism. It helped to some extent with my anxiety but paradoxically the resulting muscle relaxation actually increased my awareness of the pain caused by my Fibromyaligia.

One thing I learned from this, however, is that it is possible to change one’s attitude towards others and the world in general. By this I mean that contrary to what I had formerly believed—that what you feel is what you feel—you can cultivate certain feelings and attitudes, especially compassion towards yourself and others. This is certainly better than judging everything all the time, which many of us tend to do, and I did experience an overall increase in well being, at least on the days when the pain lessened.

Interestingly, this practice is recommended as an antidote to ill will (excessive anger, resentment, hatred and bitterness), and I would certainly concur that if you experience ill will (which many people who have a lot of pain or other kinds of distress do) this practice may help you. Not that you should let people put you down, but practicing compassion may help you to see the other fellow/gal’s point of view, which may help you resolve your conflicts in a more effective and mutually beneficial way.

Encouraged by my, albeit limited, success, I therefore kept looking for other practices that could help, as I still needed something, and these sorts of practices did at least appear promising. I was not, however, prepared for what happened next.

Thinking back upon what I had studied so far, I had always meant to look for information on Tara, the Buddha of compassionate wisdom. M. D. Eckel mentioned her in his lecture series on Buddhism (which I cited earlier), and I had been curious about her then, since, so far, I had encountered almost no mention of women’s role in Buddhism. There seemed to be lots of male Buddhas and famous male teachers/masters, etc., but almost no female ones.

When I looked up Tara on the Internet, however, my own reaction astonished me.

“I’ve found you at last!” I exclaimed. “Where have you been? I’ve been looking for you everywhere!!!”

WHAT was this about and WHERE did it come from? Even I did not know.

Next time: out of my mind?