Entirely: Back to the Heart

So bogged down and gummed up,
Engrossed in insoluble problems
And wrestling with them
Until the ground shook,

The way seemed
Completely blocked
And I felt so despondent and stuck
With no means to get through or get up,

Sinking fast
And with no rescuer in sight,
Nor even a tree branch
Upon which to latch,

Doubt piled upon doubt,
Confusion on confusion,
Fully steeped in delusion
And ruinous rumination,

So concentrated on
Seeking answers or solace
That all else seemed pointless
And my attention locked onto the searching,

Peering deeply into
The source of the suffering,
Seeing nothing except seeing,
Waiting for what?

Then finally came
A route to follow,
As Ajahn Chah’s suggestion
Came back to me,

Namely that
Of reading
The book
Of the heart
And there at last, I found peace.

Ensconced: Heart Notes

Picking up from where I left off yesterday, I also like Ajahn Chah’s comment, “Nowhere in the world is any real peace to be found. That’s the nature of the world. Look within yourself and find it instead” (A Tree in a Forest, 17).

The first two parts are certainly consistent with my experience and the third with my conclusion that if I want kindness, there’s no use waiting around for it to fall on me from somewhere ‘out there.’ Oh no! If I want any, I am going to have to make my own because it’s definitely an inside job.

Nevertheless, after the bliss and even the stability described in my previous post, as usual, the rage came, along with a desire for revenge.

But then, turning towards the heart and breathing through the heart, there was that stability again.

Continuing to look, I saw that the rage and desire were happening on the surface, i.e., were superficial, although moments before they had seemed so strong.

Oddly too, this part of the body in the area of the heart is a place where I often have a lot of pain from the Fibromyalgia, and it felt so strange, this combination of pain and stability.

No wonder I’ve had so much trouble finding it, as I’m often reluctant to bring my attention to that place because it hurts, but the stability too is very intense.

Then fear did indeed set in and it was back to breathing globally, i.e., with expanded attention, encompassing the entire body.

And so, I continue to see that there does indeed seem to be an instruction manual pre-installed. For every time I bring attention to the heart, I learn something new.

May the discoveries keep on coming and extend outwards to you, and you and you!
May all beings be well
May all beings be truly happy.
May all beings be free!

May it be so.

Enrolled: Taking Instruction From the Heart

One night, as I was sitting in a state of misery, it occurred to me (although I can’t remember why) to look up, A Tree in a Forest (Dhamma Garden, Chungli, Taiwan, R.O.C.: Yuan Kuang Publishing House, 1994).

The first thing that struck me was how, when asked to recommend a book on Buddhism, Ajahn Chah replied, “only one,” and pointed to his heart (vii).

And so, I decided to try reading that ‘book’ instead.

Almost at once, I began to fantasize in a way that made me feel very good, but then I remembered how whenever I get blissed out this is often followed by bouts of rage.

And then, my heart ‘said,’ “well then, don’t do that!”

“So, what do I do then?” I asked.

“Is there a middle way?”

After considering for a moment, I let go of the ‘bliss making,’ brought my attention to my breath and watched violet coloured clouds of bliss drifting off through the mind’s sky, and what was left was calm, steadiness of mind and clarity.

Uh huh! So now I see that contrary to popular opinion, we really do come with instruction manuals!

It’s like, when you buy a computer and you take it out of the box and you can’t find the instruction manual. And then somebody suggests you check the hard drive, and so you plug it in, turn it on and check the documents folder, and there it is.

So, perhaps what Ajahn Chah was saying, was that all we have to do is read the manual (which, of course, is unique to each make and model ;) ), and then we’ll know what to do.

Empowered: Application of Wisdom

Bursting with despair
And sadness
To the point of madness,
Rolling around in a funk!

Then I spied a bookmark
Leading to the words
Of Ajahn Chah,
A famous forest monk;

And there I did find
Sound wisdom
I had forgotten
And decided to take up again;

From my latest
Round of passion
I attempted to stand back
And watched the results;

I was skeptical at first,
Thinking this
Would be deadening at best,
Or nerve wracking at worst

But in accordance
With what he said
I found neither
But only release instead,

A steadying mind
Unshaken by
The turmoil
In the heart;

And now I could resume,
Carry on with my tasks,
Observing all the while
And seeing how long
I could make this detachment last.