Fundamentals: Imperfection to Nonperfection

Practicing perfection
I remain
Concentrated upon
Imperfection

And today
I am
Truly blessed
With myriad imperfections

Nausea
Fatigue
A migraine headache
Of considerable intensity

Gloomy weather
Damp and rainy
Slate grey sky
Clouds churning by

Pain in the shoulders
Pain in the head
So much to do
And I'd rather be in bed

This imperfection
So easy to find
It's a wonder
I did not see it before

It fills up
My awareness
Til I see
Nothing more

And then finally,
I smile
As I rest in nonperfection
For a while

Frontier: Pain Free

Last night
I had
An elaborate
Dream

From which
I awoke
Having
Pain

But realized at once
That in the dream
No pain was present
Not even a thought or idea of such

I realized
From this dream
That such was possible
At least in a dream

Yet cannot remember
When last (if ever)
I've had
Such an experience

But in this possibility
There was
A very positive feeling
That I do not want to forget

I was frankly amazed
that this was possible
Considering how much pain
I've been getting lately

This wonderful experience
Impressed my greatly
Although I have no idea
How this could be

Fall To: Keep Moving

The Fibro-attack returns
And, oh, how my chest burns!
My shoulders ache,
Restlessness, despair and fear overtake

The changing winds
Catch me in their wake
And I am knocked over
By the pounding of the waves

I tried meditation, yoga, walking and resting,
Devotional practice and chanting
But finally, at wits end, switched to
Tylenol 3, obtaining some relief

Still, when I tried to read
The tears surfaced,
From somewhere, unbidden,
As if the story touched a nerve

Not entirely sure
What that's all about
But then found help
In direct pointing to neither here nor not

In this place I found temporary respite
But had to get up and do some work,
which broke the spell somewhat
Nevertheless leading to some new insights

Impermanence makes
All good things precious;
In the flow
We watch and slip away,

Enjoying
The fleeting contact
All the more
And waving goodbye

Exuding: Grumping Along

Valleys and peaks,
My back feels better
But my head aches
And my hands shake.

Looking for remedies,
Then enjoying the relief,
Sunny days
But not getting enough sleep;

Motorcycle roars outside
But the air is fresh,
Irritated by the noise
But attempting to ignore it, I do my best.

Hearing men shouting
And the slamming of car doors,
Returning my attention once again
I carry on with my chores.

These interruptions
Would not be so bad
If I was really interested
In my tasks

But my mind wanders,
As if searching for a break
From these monotonous duties
That make little sense.

Having grumped about it,
Now that’s out of the way,
I can get back to it
And into something else to say,

Looking forward to
A good night’s rest,
Can’t wait to get home
And put my feet up at last!

Extrapolating: Application

Weather change,
Gave me another migraine,
Happens almost every time
We get a big shift like this.

Experimenting with
A new way,
Devised after
Listening to a talk on supernatural powers,

These allegedly demonstrated
By
Certain Theravadan,
Forest monks;

When asked how he
Was able to ‘walk through’
Solid objects,
One monk supposedly replied,

That he merely
Concentrated on
The air element
And passed through,

And so, I reasoned thusly:
The disturbance in the atmosphere
That causes my difficulties
Could be construed as

A disturbance in the air element;
So, what if I concentrate on that?
And so, I imagined becoming one
With the air element.

A mist seemed to descend,
All appeared transparent,
And I began to relax
And the headache melted away.

Extrapolate: Preparation

Here we are
In April again,
Round and round
And back again,

Nothing much
Is happening here,
Same old chores,
Same old fare,

Preparing for work
And performing
Same old
Necessary duties

But all things considered,
Grateful even
For the monotony,
As have seen much worse;

Pain management strategies
Continuing to work,
Nevertheless, from the effort
I can never shirk,

As what's around the corner
Remains unknown,
Must remain vigilant
For whatever may go down,

Wondering how much longer
I will be around
And what will remain
When I am gone,

Will the old world
Still be here,
Or will it finally
Disappear?

Extraction: Pain Management Smörgåsbord

Experimentation
With food remedies,
To ease my pain
Has produced results,

Vitamin D:
Positive effects seen
On arthritis foot pain
Within six months;

Jalepino peppers:
Less foot pain again
Three months
And counting;

Raw fresh ginger,
In foods and drinks
And even straight up
Three times a day,

This oddly-shaped root
That grows
In exotic places
Produces amazing results:

Less pain in the joints,
Less achiness
Over time
And only after six weeks;

But yet still
The best remedy of all
Seems to be regular exercise
And a regular schedule with regular rest,

A tall order sometimes
But helpful
When possible
Nevertheless.

Extracting: Drinking the Moment

Returning to the present:
Restlessness,
Sloth and torpor,
Concentration,

Feeling the energy,
Hearing, seeing,
Observing the happenings,
Being with the breathing,

Thoughts come and go,
Passing like clouds
Through an endless sky
And disappearing over the horizon,

Sensations of heat and cold,
Grow and change
And merge
Into one another,

Close examination of pain
Reveals vibration
And a rainbow of colours
In the mind’s eye,

Fascinated by the show,
And so,
Forgetting about
The discomfort,

Sitting, as on a throne,
At the top
Of the world,
Looking outwards,

Spaciousness,
Melting into
The clear blue
Of the afternoon sky.

Extent: Reaching for Relief

Ah, at last I saw
The source of this latest pain,
As the lightening flashed
And then came the rain!

My aches and pains
Predict the weather
And so I should have guessed
This storm was coming together,

In the meantime,
I’ve had to resort
To pills I rarely use,
A muscle relaxant is what I chose,

To relax my shoulders
And my legs
And hopefully
This will bring relief

But while I waited,
I listened to the news,
From around the world
On the BBC World Service,

It’s not exactly
Meditation, I know
But it engaged my mind
On something else,

Forgetting about
My problems and woes,
By focusing on what else
Is happening in the world

And after a while,
The medication began to work
And I could move and stretch
With much less discomfort
And then, at last, go off to bed.

Extensively: Growl!

All worn out
By a blizzard of activity
And a gale of bad tidings,
Both at home and abroad

And to top it all
Woke up too early,
With such pain in my shoulders
I could barely move

But up I got
And moved around,
Moved around,
Achy and cranky,

Stumbling to the kitchen
For a cup of coffee,
Infuriated by the news
And ready for a fight,

With a, “how dare they?”
And a flurry of curses,
For the untimely demise
Of the greedy and the miserly;

The folks in these parts
That run the government,
Who seek to short-change the public,
While adorning themselves in gold nuggets!

But, what did I expect?
I saw this coming
But sometimes I wish
I wasn’t so accurate!

Prognosticating bad news
In a way that is so exact,
So matter-of-fact,
Making Nostradamus
Seem like a mere crackpot.

Exposition: Purposeful Struggle

Storms
And reports
Of storms
But now snow accumulates
On the ground

And the aching
In my body
From this
Turbulent climate

Does not inspire
Nor enliven
The wandering,
Wondering mind

And yet,
I get on with it!
Performing
My daily tasks,

Occasionally gazing out
At the steel grey clouds
And the patches
Of sunlight in between,

The scanty rays
Light lantern-like,
Here and there
The tawny grass and rough pavement;

Then finally
Fatigue slows me,
Confusion sets in,
Not sure what’s next,

So many tasks
From which to choose
But instead I pause
To sit.

Explosion: Passionate Interest

My chest
Is aflame
With pain
And so, I think,

Existence is suffering,
Yes, it really is
And that’s no lie,
No make believe line

And yet,
The sky is still beautiful,
The white/blue puffy clouds
And the gaps in between,

Ah!
One could
Disappear
Into a sky like that!

One could
Disappear
And never
Come back!

How wondrous
Life is,
How gorgeous,
How fantastic!

Although it’s often painful,
So disappointing
And uninspiring,
It’s phenomena like these,

Along with the accompanying treasures,
That keeps us going
Even in
The teeth of atrocious inner
And/or outer weather.

Experientially: In Here

The nature of
My delusion is
That
There is

Something
Out there
That’s not
In here,

This Fibromyalgia pain
And the countless woes
That go with it,
Make me want to flee!

To get out of here;
But there’s really
No place else
To go;

And how to
Get this straight
Seems to be
My endless endeavour,

How to see that
Out there
Is no different
From in here

And that indeed,
Such expressions as
“Out there” and “in here,”
Are meaningless,

Such is the nature of
The difficult task
In which
I am daily engaged.

Expeditious: Thorough Investigation

A thousand ideas
Speed through the mind,
Seething with enthusiasm
For this notion or that,

Imaginary arguments
With remembered acquaintances,
Writing dialogue
In my head,

Pleasantly energizing,
Very diverting
But from what?
I stop to consider

But find only
A pleasant feeling,
An enjoyable fabrication,
Experienced in the body

And as this settles,
A tension is revealed
In the center
Of the chest,

A twinge of pain,
Of Fibromyalgia,
Ah! And so,
A possible reason for distracting,

A felt need
To get away
Or to create a distance
And some happiness,

By getting engaged
In a flow of ideas
And fantasy conversation
To bring some relief.

Exaction: Characteristic of Existence

Here I am
On another errand,
Aching all over
From the weather change,

Then finishing that
Have many chores,
Going down my list
And checking them off,

Now sitting
And reflecting
On my day
And writing this way,

Normal activities
Continue unabated,
Regardless of
The shape I’m in,

Have to keep going,
As no one else to do it,
Keep going through it
Just as it is,

Then pouring hot water
For a refreshing cup
Of green tea
That brings me up,

Preparing me
For more activity,
It’s getting late
But still much to do,

An endless agenda
To look forward to
But at least
I’m still able to do it.

Exacting: Prodigious Effort

The chilly weather persists
And the Fibro-pain and discomfort deepens,
Waking up with unpleasant images
Surging through my head,

Nevertheless trying to find
The right effort
To put it all behind
And settle the jumpy mind,

Set off to shop
At the local farmer’s market,
Despite my misery and malaise
And the cold air enjoyed

But then upon return
Felt exhausted and worn,
Reluctant to go back out
And visit the grocery store

But I needed margarine
And other assorted items
And eventually managed
To push aside the resistance,

Then filled my basket high
With basic necessities,
No frills for this low budget operation
But still my backpack was heavy,

Hefting an impressive load
For one so tired out,
Which made me feel better then
And when remembered afterwards,

Still feeling weak,
I offered encouragement
To the unsteady mind,
Heated up my supper and ate it
And left for work on time.

Evocatively: Putting Aside

As for my Fibromyalgia
It’s alive and kicking
Just like a
Spirited child,

If only it would similarly
Grow up
And leave home
For good,

Which,
Stretching the analogy,
Makes me wonder,
Who gives birth to whom,

Do I give rise to it?
Or does it give rise to me?
Or do we both
Arise spontaneously?

And some might say,
That both are so
Or neither,
But

All this
Incessant speculation
Grows tiresome
And so,

I sip
My coffee
Quietly
And forget all about it,

Enjoying the view
Of the crystal clear
Blue sky
Outside my window.

Evocation: Wise Effort

Looking for information
Led to no answers
For my fibro-situation
And so led to more frustration,

‘Okay,
That’s it!’
I cried,
It’s back to basics,

Making supper
Is tonight’s practice,
Getting on with
My life, as it is,

This shall be
My way,
To make the best
Of every day!

To celebrate
The small victories,
Of grocery shopping
And getting on with work,

Waking up
Every day,
Donning my courage
And making an effort;

Some days
I succeed
And some days
I fail

But there’s no reason
To wail,
I just get up again,
When I’m able
And apply whatever energy is available.

Everlastingly: Here it Goes Again

Energy roiling around
Inside my head,
Like a hissing cat,
All cranky and tense,

Steam blows,
Frustration grows,
Fibro-fog has no respect
For attainment or achievement,

Nature remains unimpressed
By the strivings
Of an aspirant
And most unsympathetic,

What shall I do
With a head
Full of fluff,
Drowning in dizziness and kafuffle?

Fumbling about
For some solution
And finding none,
Mind scrambled like eggs,

So infuriating
It makes my brain ache,
As it struggles
To cope with this ongoing impediment,

This has
Gone on too long!
But it ignores
All protests and complaints,

If Fibromyalgia were a politician
It would be bounced out of office!
But this scourge knows nothing of democracy,
Or if it does, I’ve been outvoted!

Everlasting: Flow

I had
Quite a scare,
As Fibromyalgia jitters
Grabbed me by the hair

But then I saw
How existence is,
That there is no distinction
Between nibbana/nirvana and THIS,

No distinction between
Existence and non-existence,
Permanence and impermanence
Self and not self,

This right here is it,
The flow of what is,
What isn’t,
What is and what isn’t,

Everything I see
Is it
And so
Am I

And you are it too
And so is everything else,
Everything above, below,
Before, behind, beside and within

And this is all
We need to know,
Over and over,
Every moment

And even when
We are through knowing,
If that is what happens,
We will still be what we are,
Which is, just this.