However: Forging Ahead

My concentration practice led to the hypothesis that
Tis not wanting, nor not, nor neither that causes suffering
But imbalance:  one-pointed obsession on any of these three,
And that what is needed is a wider view
That encompasses this trio and all else too;

And this has opened out into
Returning once again to practicing mindfulness
As a potential solution or at least a useful tool
For pursuing the aforementioned goal;

But what a tricky task to undertake!
To try to exercise sound judgment on what to attend to
And how to respond or act
In the most skillful and beneficial way;

And how full-circle again I thought it today
While on my way to grocery shop
That I found that concentration too
Was so equally important for sustaining attention to this goal;

It is so easy to forget,
Become distracted and fall back into old habits;
Continuous effort is not easy to achieve
And then even that may become just another obsession or extreme;

Even following the middle way
May become just as fanatical
As chasing after any other goal
If it becomes too mechanical;

Regularly swinging back and forth appears unavoidable
And the frequent stops and starts may be unenjoyable,
Like the rush hour traffic during construction today:
Almost as painful to watch as it is to participate in;

But still I strive on as best I can,
Simultaneously developing compassion for all of us who are stuck
On this crowded, noisy congested avenue, exerting ourselves towards
Arriving at whatever destination we look forward to.

Gauging: Practice Adjustments

I have learned
Through direct experience,
The pitfalls
Of certain practices

When practicing mental seclusion
From greed and distress
Towards the world,
One must be on guard

For even from within the ensuing steadiness,
Equanimity and apparent clearheadedness,
Into the mind that is new to this
Enters most profound deludedness

What at first appears to be happiness,
Enthusiasm and openhandedness
May turn out to be thirst
Towards worldly passions or worse!

And to this one needs bring mindfulness,
Investigation and analysis:
Determining what is really happening
And dispelling delusion with wisdom

Recalling to mind the consequences
Of following the wrong way:
That which leads to bad outcomes,
One well travelled, now to be abandoned

This constant rememberance appears essential,
To not forget that which is fundamental:
That succumbing to unhealthy desires
Is how this samsara wheel got started

It is crucial to not be fooled,
Not be taken in once again
The remedy being constant practice
With insight into delusion
As well as concentration resulting in seclusion

Gainsay: Sideswiped by Insight

"Misery is back," I wrote
While I was lying in bed
But I had no pen or paper then
And so I lost that thread

Twas likely the best bit of poetry
I'd written for a long while
Thus on top of all
I had this to regret

But I had no time to waste
On this busy day
With too much to do
And behind schedule already

I had to be steady
Even though I felt wobbly,
Had to keep going
Although it was slow

Completing my tasks
With little enthusiasm,
Pushing through a wall of fatigue,
Feeling too hot in this unseasonable heat

But finally I pause
To consider the nature of the world,
Examining the conditioned phenomena
For signs of what I saw before

Is it there anymore?
Or was that just a dream,
Another state of mind?
Of course it was!

That's all I see:
Imperfect shadows,
Flashes of light;
Sideswiped by insight

Fabric: Holding it Together

Tired,

Ever so tired

Because it’s time

To go to bed

But,

I got caught

On words and thoughts

Related to my busy day.

There’s so much

Going on inside my head

And I’m not sure

How much longer it will get,

One word

Leads to another,

One thought,

Piles upon another,

I keep finding my way out

Only to find

My way

Back in again,

Forgetting and

Remembering my place,

Accomplishing a little

And then lost in thought once more,

Awaiting the finish

Of my computer’s

Latest virus scan

Before retiring,

Watching the numbers

Flash upon the screen,

‘Too slow!’ I fume,

Before turning away

And writing this poem.

Eyewitness: Involvement

Out of touch,
As, so busy, busy,
Flitting about
And getting lost
In so much

But still
Getting by,
Getting jobs done
And having fun,

Tripping over
Technological glitches
But finding temporary fixes,
Even though it’s so annoying,

Injecting humour
At every turnover,
Sharing mirth
And establishing worth,

Running around
From store to bank,
From bank to store,
From store to phone and out again,

Losing the plot
But accomplishing a lot
Of related tasks
In spite of delays and obstacles,

Learning fast
From mistakes
And missteps
And making progress,

Then impatiently waiting
But turning towards the impatience
And enjoying the process
Of observation.

Exuberance: As Far as We Can Go

‘When finally I get
What I need,
It’s always a case of,
Too little, too late!’
I complained.

But then,
As I considered further,
I concluded,
‘Tis always thus!’

No matter
How far
We travel,
We always have further to go,

Too far
Is never
Far enough
For us;

Even the Buddha,
When he came to
The end
Of his long life,

Hesitated
On the threshold
Of final release,
Reflecting that
There was
So much more
That he could do,
If only, he but dallied
A while longer

But, “no,” he decided, at last,
He had to go,
To move on,
As do all of us.

Expressly: Ignorance

What if,
Everything we think we know
Is really ignorance:
Everything we see,
Hear, taste, touch, smell,
Think, experience,
It’s all ignorance and delusion.

There are so many ignorances:
The ignorance of a young child,
That we mistakenly call innocence,
The ignorance of a teenager
That we mistakenly refer to as rebellion,

The ignorance of young adults
That we mistakenly call maturation,
The ignorance of middle age
And of old age
That we sometimes confuse with wisdom,

Even though we know that
There’s no fool like an old fool
And no fool as foolish as we ourselves.

And where’s the Buddha in this?
What did he know?
I would guess just this:
That all of us, even he
Lived in delusion,

The difference being that he knew this,
Although he was assuredly not alone
And yet, just as ignorant and deluded
As everybody else is,

And, upon seeing this,
Was moved
To compassion,
Towards all our folly.

Expressively: Miscellaneous Fragments

Felt like
Doing nothing,
Chose to look towards,
‘I don’t want to do anything,’

Saw forever in it
And then quite rapidly,
Sprang up
And began to do,

How curious!

***

What if,
It does not matter
Whether
There ever was
A Buddha or a Buddhism,
Or whether there is or is not.

What if it’s irrelevant
And that
Whatever I say,
That’s irrelevant too?

Is it all
Just words,
All delusion?

If so,
How precarious!
What a shaky ladder
Upon which to stand!

And yet, we are still standing!
How so?
I do not even know!
Do you?

Explode: Paradoxical

Sometimes I feel
That life
Is like
A broken mirror,

Best viewed
From
Nowhere
In it;

All these
Tiny fragments,
Impossible
To reconcile,

Unless
One could
Stand outside
But how could that be done?

For, what’s outside?
And
How could we
Possibly see it?

It’s unknown
While we’re in it
And we know nothing
When we’re out of it,

So what a silly aim
To try to see,
When to do such
Seems a contradiction,

And yet,
There are those
Who claim
That they can see;
Watch out!

Experiments: Drifting

So many times
I get lost in speculation,
Engrossed and involved,
Bewildered and frustrated

And then finally
I grow tired of it
And the mind falls silent
For an interval

Or I forget
All about it
And move on
To some chore I need to do

But before long
I’m off again
In some delicious, delightful
Or grueling exploration,

Some flight of fancy
Or existential investigation,
A little lightheartedness
Or a load of weighty consideration,

Like a cloud
Drifting across the sky,
Reshaping itself
To fit the terrain,

Dropping rain
As it streams over mountains,
Shrinking as it passes
Across the shimmering desert,

Expanding rapidly
When it drinks in evaporating moisture,
As it’s blown over
Sparkling waters.

Experientially: In Here

The nature of
My delusion is
That
There is

Something
Out there
That’s not
In here,

This Fibromyalgia pain
And the countless woes
That go with it,
Make me want to flee!

To get out of here;
But there’s really
No place else
To go;

And how to
Get this straight
Seems to be
My endless endeavour,

How to see that
Out there
Is no different
From in here

And that indeed,
Such expressions as
“Out there” and “in here,”
Are meaningless,

Such is the nature of
The difficult task
In which
I am daily engaged.

Experiences: Pragmatics

When I concluded
That all I need do
Is attend to
What needs doing,
At first, I thought,
‘How mundane,
How simple!’

But quickly changed to
‘This is not so,’
For what it takes
To sustain this fragile existence
Is often quite challenging and interesting,
Although at times
It can also be
Unbelievably onerous and staggeringly dull!

But when I
Adopt this
Straightforward philosophy,
I feel such a sense of relief,

I can just
Get down to business,
Take a practical approach
Over which I lose no sleep,

And if I stick to it
It gives me
The kind of focus
I so often lack,

Which produces
A deep level of concentration,
As I only need
To look at what
Actually needs doing.
It makes choices so much easier,
As pragmatics are all I need to consider.

Expectation: Uncovering Suffering

Music playing
In my head,
Brass horn melody incidental music
From an old TV show;

I’ve been watching
Reruns again,
As it’s all I have
Since digital took over,

My old TV’s too old for that
And my budget tight
And so, I’ve been doing without,
For the first time in a long while;

I never imagined
When I was growing up
That there would come a day
When I’d have to give it up,

It’s a funny feeling,
As I’d gotten so used to it
And another reminder
Of inconstancy;

These expectations come from somewhere
And we don’t even
Know about them,
Until something or someone is gone;

And then, all at once
We realize:
There goes another something or someone
That we had been counting upon;

Without realizing it,
We had gotten attached
And now suffer a loss
Or a betrayal of trust
But either way, that’s the end of that.

Exhausted: Doubting

Taking a break
And thinking it would be great
To be able to quit dreaming
And get to it,

Picking a goal
And following it,
Something worthwhile
And challenging,

Cleaning up
And clearing out,
To make way
For a new direction

But every time I start,
Something else gets in the way,
An unexpected project
Or obstacle,

One after the other
They demand my attention
And then comes
A temporary lull;

But then, what do I do?
I wait and wait,
To see whether or not
Something else will come up.

And then, by the time
I get going again,
Some other glitch arises.
It’s so discouraging at times,

That just when I get
One foot to go in front of the other,
Something trips me up.
It’s so frustrating
That sometimes I just give up!

Exert: Seeking

Seeking for
Dispassion from
The inconstancy
Of the conditioned realm,

Hungering after cessation
Of incessant clinging
To unmet desire,
Impossible to satisfy,

That distracts me from
More purposeful pursuits,
Which could lead to release
From the bonds of Samsara;

Battling Mara,
Instead of walking away
And not fighting
Another day;

Dodging arrows
With agility,
Takes practice
And ingenuity,

Exactly what I need
To be freed
But difficult to keep up,
From this particular place;

Preferring ease,
To struggling with
These challenges
And difficulties;

Longing for rest,
Peace and quiet
And all the best
Of what life has to offer
And yet, seeking the end of suffering.

Exactitude: Resolve

Developing dispassion
Towards inconstancy
Is shaping up to be
A worthy goal,

As I see
That my mind
Most clings to
Wanting things to continue,

Especially seeking
The reliability
Of that which I prefer
And seem to expect,

Not sure of
The origin of
These expectations
But they’ve got to go,

If I want to
Stop suffering
And that seems to me
A worthwhile endeavour,

Because I discern
How much of that there is
And how much of it
Has to do with craving reliability,

When, for instance,
I hear an unpleasant noise,
I see that what I really wanted was
For the quiet to continue

And that what particularly annoys
Is that it doesn’t
But instead comes and goes
In accordance with causes and conditions;
And so, I resolve to try to cultivate dispassion.

Evocatively: Putting Aside

As for my Fibromyalgia
It’s alive and kicking
Just like a
Spirited child,

If only it would similarly
Grow up
And leave home
For good,

Which,
Stretching the analogy,
Makes me wonder,
Who gives birth to whom,

Do I give rise to it?
Or does it give rise to me?
Or do we both
Arise spontaneously?

And some might say,
That both are so
Or neither,
But

All this
Incessant speculation
Grows tiresome
And so,

I sip
My coffee
Quietly
And forget all about it,

Enjoying the view
Of the crystal clear
Blue sky
Outside my window.

Established: Beginner’s Mind

Maybe we don’t need to know
Where HERE is
And we just need to
Start from this place,
Whatever or wherever that is.

What then is this meditation?
To just sit and experience here,
Just as it is,
Without comment?

But we do this
All the time
And so
Maybe that’s all we need to do,

What we’ve always done
But did not realize
We were doing
All the time;

But how
Can we DO that?
Or maybe
That’s the wrong question,

Perhaps,
The question is,
How can we
Not do that?

If we do it
All the time,
Then there’s no need
To try or not try;

We just do it,
Without asking
How or why,
No business, no fuss.

Establish: Garbage in, Garbage Out

There’s nothing to be attained and there’s no one here to attain it,
Or so I’ve heard.

But then, who is typing this?

Nobody is typing this.
In fact, there is no typing either.
But what does this mean?
UNKNOWN.

How then do you stop clinging?
YOU can’t.
Because, there’s no YOU to cling,
No YOU to stop clinging,
No clinging and no not clinging.

It’s all a dream
And there’s nothing outside the dream,
As the dream is no different from what there is.
But what is the nature of this dream/what there is?
UNKNOWN.

SYSTEM MEMORY INSUFFICIENT
THIS PROGRAM HAS PERFORMED AN ILLEGAL OPERATION AND WILL BE SHUT DOWN.
SYSTEM CRASH
MEMORY PURGED
SYSTEM RESTART
IGNORANCE IS BLISS,
FOLLOWED BY
SUFFERING,
FOLLOWED BY
THERE IS SUFFERING
BUT WHO IS SUFFERING?
NOBODY.
REALIZATION.
CESSATION OF SUFFERING.
DATA ENDS.

But if I want to eat now,
I still have to make supper!

Essential: Compassion

All is all
And yet,
This is
Not often seen

And then,
Compassion arose,
For all the blindness
And all the suffering that causes

But wait,
If this indivisibility
Is the way it is,
Then what’s the problem?

There is compassion
Because of this
Lack of separation,
As all is all one being,

One being,
Which cares,
As each of us
Cares about ourselves,

What could be more natural
Than for such
To be so
For all towards all?

Even though such separation,
Such conflicts as are seen
And such suffering
Are only at the surface,

Still,
There is suffering
And there is compassion felt
Towards this suffering.