Nimble: Sutta Reading*

Seeing between the lines
laughing at my own folly
securely in touch

*Here I had been thinking about a Sutta I read some time ago, where the Buddha supposedly declared, "I am Brahman," which had confused me at the time, given his supposed teachings about the "self," but then later it occurred to me that although this could be true it was also kind of a joke because based on what I know now it does not matter.  One of the clues was from several other talks I heard that referenced the Suttas as being full of puns that you had to understand the original Pali language to get and some of the texts turning out to be making fun of texts from other traditions.

Nibbana: Everyone

I see suffering;
I see misery
But I also see
that it has an end!

And that
this
end
is...
glorious!

The Buddha reported
His methods supported
Seeing beyond
the imagination.

And this
is so.
But
How?

Because,
as for what
is beyond
the imagination...

It is
what is
of course!
And that I can see.

And that
everyone
can
see,

If they look carefully
with
a clear mind
and a still body.

Exuberance: As Far as We Can Go

‘When finally I get
What I need,
It’s always a case of,
Too little, too late!’
I complained.

But then,
As I considered further,
I concluded,
‘Tis always thus!’

No matter
How far
We travel,
We always have further to go,

Too far
Is never
Far enough
For us;

Even the Buddha,
When he came to
The end
Of his long life,

Hesitated
On the threshold
Of final release,
Reflecting that
There was
So much more
That he could do,
If only, he but dallied
A while longer

But, “no,” he decided, at last,
He had to go,
To move on,
As do all of us.

Expedite: Reaching

If only I could gain mastery
Over the periodically arising
Stillness and steadiness
That now only comes and goes,

What would that be like?
How could it be done
If it could be done?
Could it ever be done?

Sometimes,
I think that maybe
It’s impossible
To do that;

And sometimes
When I think that,
I feel sad
But at other times relief follows,

There is a relaxation
That comes
From giving up
That feels like a sort of realization,

Indeed, I’ve heard it said
That this is what
Realization
Is really about,

That having failed
To achieve his goal,
In spite of his Herculean efforts,
The Buddha-to-be gave up

And that
Through this action
Came to realize
What he then needed to do.

Equanimity: Trading Frustration for Insight

I am so frustrated,
So very frustrated
But
What of the Buddha?

Even the Buddha
For all his powers
Could not stop
People from being people;

He could not stop
Reality from being reality,
Nor stop anyone
From falling into darkness,

All he could do was
Show people a possible way,
A way to get out
But he could not free anybody,

How frustrating,
How frustrating!
How relevant
To my situation,

I want to help people
But the obstacles
Seem so insurmountable
At times,

Greed gets in the way
Ignorance gets in the way
Ill will gets in the way
And all the consequences of these get in the way,

How like
The Buddha’s predicament,
For even with all he had going for him,
Even he could not change this.

Enablement: Unsatisfactoryness and Nirvana

Unsatisfactoryness!
Ah, I’ve been seeing it
And recognizing
What is happening;

Then, walking down the street
I noticed unsatisfactoryness
But wondered, ‘what is that?’
And I investigated

And what I thought I found
Did astound!
For I thought
It looked like nirvana!

Then in my mind’s eye
I saw a benevolently smiling Buddha face
Floating in mid air
And I asked my question.

The reply was a wink
And a “what do you think?”
And I could make
No sense of it.

Then, today I thought
Many thoughts,
I looked at my slippered feet
And the looker and the looking

And I saw what I saw,
Which was most likely
Nothing at all!
But I enjoyed it anyway,

Tying everything up in knots,
Getting all entangled
In disentanglement
And then letting it all go.

Chase: Now Uncovered

Last night the demons loosed,
As voices and images
Of people past and present
Swarmed overwhelmingly.

I tried friendliness,
To good affect but not enough.
Hence, I called upon every Buddha
I could think of,

And when I ran out of names,
Upon all the Buddhas
Whose names I do not know,
To protect me.

Confidence arose,
And stillness,
Back to the breathing,
Attention fixed on the nostrils.

Two sittings later,
Mostly breathing
And the effect is amazing,
Getting so close to now.

Sleeping badly again,
But less energy for
Restlessness and the continuous flow
Of random thoughts.

Determined and motivated
Not to let anything
Get between me and here,
The goal is so clear.

The demons are quiescent now,
Perhaps afraid;
I might make it this time
To wherever I’m going.

Centre: Landing Pad

Another gloomy episode,
But after I made tea
It seemed as if,
As I gazed into the liquid
It smiled back at me.

‘What is this nonsense?’
I demanded,
‘Have I finally lost my mind?’
Or, is this reality’s handshake?’

Then I saw Buddha
In my mind’s eye,
Radiant and smiling,
And everything gleamed.

I relaxed into my surroundings,
Gained support from my setting;
It felt good to have friends
And I was shored up by them.

Immersed in soft light
Bourne up by air,
I stood breathing
In the midst of despair,

Glowing like a meteor
Burning up hurt
With a taste like BBQ flavoured potato chips
Burning in my mouth.

But I felt believed in
From somewhere out there,
The outside held the inside,
And the inside cleared.

Pressure and weight waned,
The scalding feeling in my chest decreased,
I made supper,
And gratefully sat down to eat.

Catchy: Bringing Composure into Chaos

My practice has been really difficult lately, and I have felt very frustrated about it, alternating between wanting to do it and thinking of it as a total waste of time. Then during brunch today, I suddenly found myself in a calm aware state that is difficult for me to describe, because it seemed to me that it was neither mindfulness nor not mindfulness. I wondered if perhaps mindfulness is kind of like artificial flavour or colour; it’s close to or analogous to but not quite our natural state of mind. Either way, I decided that what I needed to do was bring this state of calm awareness, whatever it is, to my practice and to my life, though I wasn’t really sure how to do so.

I considered whether this too was just a matter of practice, that perhaps if I just noticed when this state arose, and stayed with it for as long as I could, without trying to, but only stopped wherever I was at the time, this might eventually work or lead into an answer to how to bring this to every aspect and moment of my life. So, for example, if it happens when I am sitting, keep sitting, or if when walking, keep walking.

Meanwhile, I had got fed up with struggling to sit with pain, and since it is said that the Buddha recommended meditation in all postures, namely, sitting, standing, walking, and sitting; and, lying down felt best, I decided to lie down. The result was that I felt relaxed, calm, aware, and well settled in the present moment, throughout this 20-minute session. In short, I felt the same kind of state of calm awareness I had experienced earlier in the day, and there was no suffering that I could detect. Then when my bell rang, I began to think about what I had to do next, and suffering returned.

What was this suffering? When I examined it, I saw that it was being caught on my desire to remain lying down and my resistance to getting up and doing something. Then, I remembered from the teachings that desire and aversion and being caught on them are the result of temporary causes and conditions, which have nothing to do with me or with ‘I,’ for that matter, who did not exist at the time this pattern was created. This pattern of causes and conditions is not me, not mine, and therefore has nothing to do with me.

At once, I was able to disregard the pattern, which dissolved, and suddenly it became easy to get up and make tea, as I normally do prior to doing my regular work out. And then it occurred to me, once again (as on February 16), I had answered my own question. Last time a chaotic state of mind was pulled into calmness; this time a calm state of mind was brought to the chaos.

About-turn: Buddha’s Story

As explained earlier, the searing pain of Fibromyalgia motivated me to seek answers. Having already exhausted the affordable medical and naturopathic options, I immersed myself in an imaginary realm of my own creation. In the process of attempting to manufacture this escape route I decided I had to create a religion for one of my characters. Searching the Internet for ideas brought me back to Buddhism. Last time, I concluded that while this expedition had revitalized my fiction, it had not improved my reality. Then, I stumbled across an audio book by Jack Kornfield called, Beginner’s Guide to Buddhism (Louisville, USA: Sounds True 2002).

In this work, Kornfield explains that he is going to describe the “essential practices and teachings offered by the Buddha,” which originated 2500 years ago. “The word Buddha means one who has awakened . . . to their true nature and sees it in all beings,” he says, adding “we too can discover this in ourselves and the teachings of Buddhism are a way to fulfill that reality.”

‘Okay, Jack, but how in the world is this going to help me?’ I silently complained to thin air.

But by this time I was so desperate and I felt so ill that I lacked the energy to get up and turn the flipping thing off, so I continued listening anyway.

Now I learned that prior to his awakening, the Buddha lived a sheltered privileged life, but one day his view of the world was shattered by his observation of the prevalence of suffering, in the form of sickness, aging, and death. At the same time, he discovered that others too were already seeking answers to the problem of how to respond to these unpleasant realities. At once, he resolved to join in this quest. After years of searching and struggle he finally found a way to free himself from suffering. Out of compassion he committed himself to teach others the path to liberation.

This bit caught my attention, to say the least, but then he broke off from the tale and explained how he became a monk in a monastery, where he learned the practices of this path.

Then, returning to the thread, he identified the central core of the teachings as "The Four Noble Truths." These are: the truth of suffering or dissatisfaction (which I thought I already knew all too well), the causes of suffering (which I had concluded were pain and more pain), the cessation of suffering (I wish!!!), and the path to this end (I can hardly wait!!!).

Next time: okay, I’ve heard the truths, but I’m still suffering. Now what?