Centre: Landing Pad

Another gloomy episode,
But after I made tea
It seemed as if,
As I gazed into the liquid
It smiled back at me.

‘What is this nonsense?’
I demanded,
‘Have I finally lost my mind?’
Or, is this reality’s handshake?’

Then I saw Buddha
In my mind’s eye,
Radiant and smiling,
And everything gleamed.

I relaxed into my surroundings,
Gained support from my setting;
It felt good to have friends
And I was shored up by them.

Immersed in soft light
Bourne up by air,
I stood breathing
In the midst of despair,

Glowing like a meteor
Burning up hurt
With a taste like BBQ flavoured potato chips
Burning in my mouth.

But I felt believed in
From somewhere out there,
The outside held the inside,
And the inside cleared.

Pressure and weight waned,
The scalding feeling in my chest decreased,
I made supper,
And gratefully sat down to eat.

Cell: Abysmal Mission

Doubt rout
Indecision spin
Unsure reigns
Despair wins

Wobbly mind
Frozen in confusion
Ambivalence rules
Ambiguity pains

Oh, sun!
Hide your brightness,
It only highlights
The depth of my suspicion;

Overcast would better suit
My disadvantaged position;
Then, at least I could hide
From the tyranny of this irresolution.

Investigating uncertainty’s
Not where I want to go,
Nor exploring the gloom,
But that’s where I am.

Poking into corners,
Observing what’s present,
Noticing what’s happening,
Although I’d prefer not.

Getting to know
What doubt is made of,
A task from which I flinch,
First I rally; then I cringe.

Progress? What’s that?
Here, in this moment,
I’m afraid to look,
But until I do,
I can’t go any further.

Cede: Mostly Under Water

Another rugged mediation,
Another silly recitation,
It’s really only reiteration
And yet, everything changes,

Or so I’ve heard,
Like the call of some mysterious bird,
Which normally I would call absurd,
And then the unsolved thought flies away.

And so, onward the dharma warrior went,
Even though all tears were spent,
And all rages already rent the pillows
And punched the wall.

If I had halls I’d deck them too,
But not with decorations,
I’d just deck them
And watch them fall!

It’s no fun either
But it’s reruns anyway,
Or so I noted.
‘I’ve seen this one before,

And that one too!’
And each time I recognized
One of these abysmal patterns
Strolling through, I laughed.

‘I know you!
I’ve done this before,
Haven’t I!’
I giggled madly.

It’s crazy me again,
But in the opposite way,
Previously I was mad happily,
But now I’m miserably so,
Where to now? —I do not know.