Bulk: Metta Reaction

Last night I tried
A new tactic:
Laying on my back
I tried to relax.
I focused on being
In my body,
Then brought attention
To how I felt.

When I shifted my attention
Towards the pain in my back
I felt like I was having
A compassion attack!
My body jerked from this
Discharge of energy,
Which embraced my back
Like a shower of soft light.

The pain subsided
And I smiled.
A vibration arose
In my chest,
Passed up through
My throat,
And emerged as
Laughter.

Oh, what a relief!
Though temporary,
As the pain returned
After a time.

But what a laugh!
What a smile!
It kept me going
For quite a while.
This Compassion juice
It packs a punch.
It’s gentle affection,
Has a powerful touch.

Bulging: Rough Seas

I thought I had the day
Well in hand,
But I had a phone call
That threw me out of my way.
Then I had an unproductive
Afternoon,
And soon the back pain
Returned again.

There’s always something
I want to push away,
Some inconvenience or irritation
From which I’d like to escape.
I get so tired from fighting
You’d think I’d give up,
But my resistance keeps coming
And it wears me right out.
Yet still I remain determined
To follow through to
The end of suffering.

When I find myself in doubt,
I try to move from
‘I can’t do this,
I will never be able to do this,
I’m trapped,
I’m stuck,
I’m doomed;’

To, ‘I’m not sure,’
To, ‘Maybe/perhaps I can,’
To, ‘I will try and see what happens,’
To, ‘This is what happens,
And I will explore the results with
An attitude of curiosity.’

‘This could be just a bad patch,’
I say, ‘Or it could be I’m doomed,
But either way, only could be, could be, could be.’

Bulge: Continuation

Another night and day of pain,
But today’s lesson
Was on the topic of
Self-pity, in which
I seemed to be wallowing
Pretty heavily.

What is this feeling?
And which is worse:
The pain or the pity?
Upon examination
I found aversion.
I wanted to escape
This body of discomfort.

I shrank from
The pity as well, however;
I did not like it
How can I take it?
Can I alter it,
Or my attitude
In spite of it?

I changed my strategy,
Tried to be next to the pain
Instead of looking down on it.
We are together in this, I decided,
Are really one not divided.
I sat down beside it,
And tried not to fight it.
There was no delight in it
But the aversion subsided
And I felt lighter for it.

Self-pity feels heavy,
But compassion is feather-weighted.
It’s gentle and companionable,
Kindly and patient,
No stranger to unhappiness,
Unafraid of unpleasantness.