Burden: Carrying Forward

Today I noticed tension
In the abdomen,
But when I relaxed it
Hyperventilation ensued.

After gasping for a few minutes
I tensed up, and slowed it down.
Then very carefully I loosened up,
And felt a huge exhale, right to the ground.

Then the breath churned wildly:
Back and forth
Up and down
All over the place.

There was great fear
Over this lack of control,
As wave after wave
Took hold and let go.

After the sitting was done
A story arose about
Where this pattern came from,
A great tale was spun.

When I noticed this I stopped in surprise,
For why did I need this consolation prize?
It gave me a sense of control I surmised,
But at what price?

Facing reality, naked moment by naked moment,
Is scarier than resting in stories, it seems.
Awareness feels like a precarious business,
Waiting for what happens next or what we do not yet see.

And so, after the sit, evidently I preferred
To immerse myself in speculations and conclusions,
Rather than facing the unknown,
And simply accepting my fear and confusion.