Chase: Now Uncovered

Last night the demons loosed,
As voices and images
Of people past and present
Swarmed overwhelmingly.

I tried friendliness,
To good affect but not enough.
Hence, I called upon every Buddha
I could think of,

And when I ran out of names,
Upon all the Buddhas
Whose names I do not know,
To protect me.

Confidence arose,
And stillness,
Back to the breathing,
Attention fixed on the nostrils.

Two sittings later,
Mostly breathing
And the effect is amazing,
Getting so close to now.

Sleeping badly again,
But less energy for
Restlessness and the continuous flow
Of random thoughts.

Determined and motivated
Not to let anything
Get between me and here,
The goal is so clear.

The demons are quiescent now,
Perhaps afraid;
I might make it this time
To wherever I’m going.

Charting: Exploring “Here”

Another choppy day;
No peace, no stillness
That I could see;
The flow passes on

Out of control
Mind meanders,
Must be
A valley low.

The creek bed shows
Choked in reeds
And debris;
Water stagnates

Seeping so slowly
But all over,
No energy here
Only restless, impatient lethargy,

Directionless
But creeping along
All ways,
Tedious yet erratic,

A familiar pattern repeating,
Or instability?
No anchor either way,
And breathing provided no harbour.

Mind randomly rambles,
Eluding the grappling hook,
Which, having missed its target
Falls into the grimy water.

Frustration sets in,
And the sitting stalls;
Progress yesterday
Irritable confusion today;
And so, “here” is the only reliable continuity.

Chart: Plotting Progress

Finally sleep improved
But fatigue and pain worsened;
So, it’s back to
More medication again.

Nevertheless,
Meditation progress continues.
Pain in the background
I could allow to remain,

Breath in the foreground,
Anchored and lightened my way;
Strong emotions and thoughts
Did not unseat me,

Sadness came,
But when closely I gazed,
To my surprise,
Empathy filled the centre,

Compassion towards frustration and irritability,
Over the painful instability
Necessitating so much effort,
And creating such disability.

But my ability
To live peacefully
With this difficulty
Increases daily,

As my meditation skill develops
My awareness enlarges,
So that even when agitation arises
My patience also rises
And my effort grows.