Exhausted: Doubting

Taking a break
And thinking it would be great
To be able to quit dreaming
And get to it,

Picking a goal
And following it,
Something worthwhile
And challenging,

Cleaning up
And clearing out,
To make way
For a new direction

But every time I start,
Something else gets in the way,
An unexpected project
Or obstacle,

One after the other
They demand my attention
And then comes
A temporary lull;

But then, what do I do?
I wait and wait,
To see whether or not
Something else will come up.

And then, by the time
I get going again,
Some other glitch arises.
It’s so discouraging at times,

That just when I get
One foot to go in front of the other,
Something trips me up.
It’s so frustrating
That sometimes I just give up!

Exertion: Sideways Motion

Coming into conflict
With competing aspirations:
One to rest,
The other to practice mindfulness;

Wanting to enjoy
What I have,
Rather than striving
To develop my skillfulness;

On the one hand,
Needing solid goals,
On the other,
Tiring of the effort.

Is there a balance,
An in between compromise?
Or do I flip back and forth
And, is so, will I ever land?

Is there no solid ground,
No common ground either?
Can these two
Work together somehow?

Is there a way to
Resolve this contradiction?
Or only an endless play
To and fro to the horizon;

Will I ever know?
Or is there simply no end
To this side to side motion,
No finish to these conditions;

Where else can I look?
Or is this merely a waste of time,
A vibration within a vibration,
A pattern within a pattern.

Exert: Seeking

Seeking for
Dispassion from
The inconstancy
Of the conditioned realm,

Hungering after cessation
Of incessant clinging
To unmet desire,
Impossible to satisfy,

That distracts me from
More purposeful pursuits,
Which could lead to release
From the bonds of Samsara;

Battling Mara,
Instead of walking away
And not fighting
Another day;

Dodging arrows
With agility,
Takes practice
And ingenuity,

Exactly what I need
To be freed
But difficult to keep up,
From this particular place;

Preferring ease,
To struggling with
These challenges
And difficulties;

Longing for rest,
Peace and quiet
And all the best
Of what life has to offer
And yet, seeking the end of suffering.