Considerable: Ill Reversal

Judging, judging, judging,
Where did that come from?
When did it begin?
Drat! I missed again!

I never seem to see
This one coming,
Until it’s too late,
And I’m ripping in every direction.

All the work I did
To bring compassion
To what’s here
Seems to be undone,

As if I tore up the bed sheets
With my teeth,
And followed by shredding
The mattress cover as well!

My jaw locks tightly,
And my expression is grim,
Because nothing is right,
Not a thing is, as I like it!

All is dark and negative,
But it takes so long
For me to notice
That this attitude has set in;

That already I’ve rended the cloth
Until only fluff remains,
And am still searching
For more material to destroy;

What a foolish way
To squander my time,
But I do it anyway,
As if stuck on destruction,
Eventually senselessly snapping at everything.

Conservation: Steady As She Goes

Unpleasant or not,
In the end
I just have to
Keep going,

On and off the cushion,
Continuation is what’s needed,
Persistence,
Getting on with things.

Feelings come and go,
But daily life goes on
With or without
Confidence or fear,

I just have to get up
To meet the day,
For as long as
There are challenges,

In other words,
For as long as life lasts,
Which is unknown
To any of us.

To take charge
Of this energy,
This is the route,
To make it;

To get on Horse
And ride,
As far as I can go,
This is the approach

I took today,
And my beautiful Horse
Carried me all the way,
Through fire and water,
Without pause or hesitation.

Consequently: Dismay Visits Doubt

Tumultuous feelings
Triggered by the tumult,
Old losses and failures;
‘Unpleasant, unpleasant, unpleasant’
Came back to mind,
But intense feelings exploded upward.

Yet, this simple word repeated
Brought about the tiny shift
In perspective needed
To sit with this extreme emotion;

To acknowledge it
Is very difficult indeed,
But to deny it
Does no better.

This reaction is very old
And very deeply felt,
Powerful and real,
But nevertheless only feeling.

Where to go from here?
That’s the question
I seem unable to answer,
And that’s why these feelings are present.

What lies ahead?
I do not know,
And obviously my predictions
Are leaning in the most ominous direction,

I’ve no confidence,
But only fear;
I don’t even care what’s here!
And so I search for reassurance
But find instead a way of letting go
By persisting in my noting,
‘unpleasant, unpleasant, unpleasant.’