Consequently: Dismay Visits Doubt

Tumultuous feelings
Triggered by the tumult,
Old losses and failures;
‘Unpleasant, unpleasant, unpleasant’
Came back to mind,
But intense feelings exploded upward.

Yet, this simple word repeated
Brought about the tiny shift
In perspective needed
To sit with this extreme emotion;

To acknowledge it
Is very difficult indeed,
But to deny it
Does no better.

This reaction is very old
And very deeply felt,
Powerful and real,
But nevertheless only feeling.

Where to go from here?
That’s the question
I seem unable to answer,
And that’s why these feelings are present.

What lies ahead?
I do not know,
And obviously my predictions
Are leaning in the most ominous direction,

I’ve no confidence,
But only fear;
I don’t even care what’s here!
And so I search for reassurance
But find instead a way of letting go
By persisting in my noting,
‘unpleasant, unpleasant, unpleasant.’