Briefing: New Year’s Resolution

Just for a moment
I was in the moment:
No past, no present, no future.

Complete awareness,
No separation
Between “me” and “it.”

All my life
I’ve lived for
Such moments,
Thinking they were
Times when everything
Went perfectly for me.

But this one occurred
Amidst great anguish,
Sorrow, depression,
And self-depreciation.

Suddenly,
I saw.
The spell was broken.
“Happiness happens in
This moment,” I thought.

After writing this,
I noted, “New Year’s Eve,
How appropriate.”

New Year’s resolution:
Look nowhere else for
Happiness but this moment.

(Tall order!—Still ambitious
After all these years.
What foolishness!)

Bridge: Festive Metta

And now, I am taking another break on account of the festive season.

Best wishes to all!

See you next year, in January 2010.

May you be well.
May you be peaceful.
May you be happy.

Brick: Posture Predicaments

I can’t seem to get this posture thing right. No matter what I do, either something hurts or something’s falling asleep. I’ve heard it said somewhere that it takes 20 years to learn to sit properly, but what does that mean? What is “properly?” Or, is there such a thing? Maybe that’s only a story made up by people to keep people going.

I do keep going, though sometimes I am not sure why. Some days I think it’s such a waste of time, and once in a while I succumb to this view and quit for a day.

I skipped it a few days ago, and then yesterday when I sat concluded that I was attached to the practice, but I directed myself not get involved with that thought either, and I ignored it and continued.

Today, as soon as I sat down, I heard hammering and I already had a headache. I decided to try and continue anyway, trying to be like the earth, i.e., to not be bothered by what I felt was this disagreeable experience. When that worked I was surprised because usually, when it comes to noise, I find it impossible to keep going. Whether it was the method or the conditions, however, I am sure I don’t know.

Then there was this posture thing again. I adjusted it two or three times, and in the end accepted that my left leg falling asleep was the best that I could do on this occasion. I was able to accept this to the end, and congratulated myself for those few moments of stillness, of being here fully and accepting everything as it is that I managed to achieve—if achievement is the right word.

Then I got up with a groan, my left leg and knee being stiff and sore from the experience of sitting in the way I wound up sitting, and I felt frustrated.

Oh well.