Bridge: Festive Metta

And now, I am taking another break on account of the festive season.

Best wishes to all!

See you next year, in January 2010.

May you be well.
May you be peaceful.
May you be happy.

Brick: Posture Predicaments

I can’t seem to get this posture thing right. No matter what I do, either something hurts or something’s falling asleep. I’ve heard it said somewhere that it takes 20 years to learn to sit properly, but what does that mean? What is “properly?” Or, is there such a thing? Maybe that’s only a story made up by people to keep people going.

I do keep going, though sometimes I am not sure why. Some days I think it’s such a waste of time, and once in a while I succumb to this view and quit for a day.

I skipped it a few days ago, and then yesterday when I sat concluded that I was attached to the practice, but I directed myself not get involved with that thought either, and I ignored it and continued.

Today, as soon as I sat down, I heard hammering and I already had a headache. I decided to try and continue anyway, trying to be like the earth, i.e., to not be bothered by what I felt was this disagreeable experience. When that worked I was surprised because usually, when it comes to noise, I find it impossible to keep going. Whether it was the method or the conditions, however, I am sure I don’t know.

Then there was this posture thing again. I adjusted it two or three times, and in the end accepted that my left leg falling asleep was the best that I could do on this occasion. I was able to accept this to the end, and congratulated myself for those few moments of stillness, of being here fully and accepting everything as it is that I managed to achieve—if achievement is the right word.

Then I got up with a groan, my left leg and knee being stiff and sore from the experience of sitting in the way I wound up sitting, and I felt frustrated.

Oh well.

Brew: Agitation Stew

Today I am getting to know my blindness much better.

You may think that this is not very reassuring, and that I’m just writing nonsense from the other end of the crazy continuum. Be that as it may, it’s quite interesting in here, or from here, as the case may be.

From here, I see the benefits of being always alert to one’s state of heart, mind and body. I think we are always biased, but perhaps we can know our biases sufficiently to be aware that any decision we make is always biased.

This looks like just another beginning.

I do wish I’d stop worrying about how far I have to go, as this is probably meaningless, but I guess from this state this is just what my mind tends to do with itself. From within my current agitated state, my mind seems to have to do something or other, though not necessarily what I think I’d like it to be doing.

Then again, for all I know, not liking what’s happening is probably part of this state too. It may take a long time for me to explore this multi-layered continent, this tangled ball of ideas, feelings, impressions, sensations, and whatever else is going on today.

Even as I examine this, however, it keeps changing, but into what? By the time I think I know it will change again. It’s always changing. How ridiculous that I think I can actually keep track. I might as well try to trace the changes in the iron atoms in my bed, but I try it anyway.

That’s what made sense to me from there. It’s gone now. By writing about it I have changed it again, or maybe writing was the change and I missed it.

Come to think of it, don’t even blink!

On the other hand, blinking could be it too.

EEK! ^^ LOL