Doubt: Taking a Break*

Nasty Pain aback the legs,
Sciatica come to call,
The weather forecast predicts rain
But I already know it from the pain,

No trouble here understanding
How interconnected everything is,
As every twitch of nature’s rhythm
Makes its impact on this body’s state

With each passing weather system,
A new change,
Sometimes pain or loss of sleep,
Other times relief,

Each ebb and flow
Brings different news,
Sometimes happiness,
Other times singing the blues;

Not sure if or how this is connected
To my present doubts
Or the resolve
That points the other way

But I believe I’m going to
Take some time off,
To explore where
This mystery goes.





*Taking a break. Hope to be back in May.

Thanks for reading!

Lee

Doubt: Is There a Problem?

Oh yes!
Where was I?
Trying to find a way
To get through the day
Without screaming.

What am I doing
Back here again?
Where I came in,
Do I like it here or something?

I wouldn’t have thought so,
Nor did I think
The improvement in fortune
Would banish these fluctuations,

No, not really
But maybe only
Reduce the discomfort
Of waiting, waiting, waiting, . . .

For?
Who or what am I expecting?
Where am I trying to get to?
Or is this just a habit?

And what do you do
After you arrive?
Go somewhere else?
Or just settle down?

What is settling down?
Is that even possible?
What do I think is missing?
Or is everything okay?

Perhaps that’s the problem,
That I know it’s okay
And I’m not used to this
And keep thinking there’s a problem.

Doorway: Unexpected Turn

Tonight’s misery
Born of ongoing difficulties with sciatica
Led to agitation and walking meditation
In the hallways,

Starting from
The top of the building
And working my way down
To the first floor,

First, climbing to the penthouse
Crossing the thick dark carpeting,
Focusing on the feet
As they trod over it,

Then down the stairs
To the floor below,
And so on,
Until I got to one;

From there,
I checked my mailbox
And noticed the irritation
At the junk mail I had to sort,

At one point wanted to abort
But decided to follow through
And finish it off
Before taking the elevator back.

And then, having gotten going
Decided to dispose
Of the garbage overflowing
And found this too over-stimulating,

Resulting in a restless sitting
But reflecting on, Alan Watts, Buddhism: Religion of No Religion, Concluding that, everything we do is indispensable
But as nobody’s in charge, no one is responsible for any of it.
And with that, complete relaxation and relief ensued.