Expedient: Equanimity

Every now and then
Emerges the feeling
That
There’s no need to do anything,
No need to not do anything,

No need to try,
No need to refrain from trying,
No need to need,
No need to refrain from seeking satisfaction of needs;

Not sure why this feeling arises
Or from where
Or where it goes
When it goes,

All I know is
That these moments
Are accompanied by stillness
And stability of mind,

Although it often seems
These precious interludes
Arise only
After great struggles;

But of course
That may be
Only as it seems,
Not as it is,

Notwithstanding all of that,
How lovely
It is
When it is thus.

Expediency: Something Else

And then,
It hit me,
A possible way
To stay
Exactly where I am,

A potential method
For making this waiting game bearable,
Until such a time
As something else comes along

And so, I searched online,
Until I found,
A laptop I could afford
That I could use anywhere

And then, I bought it
And took it home
And began
To learn how to use it

And that very evening
Began to feel better,
Having accomplished
This goal;

But, as for
The long-term results,
That will have to wait
For the trial and error,

Maybe this
Will keep me going
For an interval
Or even lead to something substantial.

Although it made me smile,
I won’t know for a while
What will become
Of this latest escape attempt.

Expected: Searching For an Exit

Is it time to quit?
To move on or just leave;
Fifteen minutes to go,
Until the end of my shift;

I promised myself
I’d stay on another year,
At least until April,
Before deciding whether to exit,

To depart from these premises
And never look back,
‘Is that going to happen?’
I keep asking.

And then, where to?
Just early retirement, perhaps?
And writing every day?
But more substantially?

Could I do this financially?
Is it sustainable?
These questions have been repeated
So often over these past three years;

The economy is not so good
And there are few other jobs out there
And so, it’s not the best of times
To be thinking of packing up,

Unless I’m planning on
A permanent leave;
But some days I’m so fed up,
I think no one knows how much!

I‘d like to check out
Of this cheap hotel now,
While there’s still
Some sanity left to me.
But, . . . there’s always this, ‘but.’