Delightful: Sharing

Okay, I know I said I was taking a break, but I just couldn’t resist inserting this one in, as it just came to me all at once and I had to write it down.

Delightful: Sharing

Finally, a lazy day,
Sipping coffee
And shooting the breeze,
That’s all the yuletide
I’m going to get,

But that’s enough for me,
And I know
Some would envy this,
A break from all the hype;

What’s it like to run around
Trying to please the kids?
I’ve never known,
As I have none;

It’s a day of rest for me,
Well, that is,
Until I go to work,
As I will later,

Because it’s an opportunity
To be there for others,
To celebrate with them
Or to comfort them,

If their plans went splat
Or they had no plans,
Or they’ve no one to be with
At this supposed-to-be happy time.


May all beings be happy, peaceful and well!

Thanks for reading!

Lee

Deliberation: Reflecting on Wisdom

It’s time again now for me to take a break until the New Year.

In the meantime, I will leave you with this thought:

I think that one way to look at wisdom could be to say that it is like the ability to discern when it is most skillful to see a coin as a unified whole, when it is most skillful to see it as having two different sides; or even both or neither, or none of the above!


Much metta to all!

Thanks for reading!

Lee

Deliberate: Folding life into Practice

A frosty grocery-shopping trip,
Loaded up packages and tins,
Bags and boxes
Toted through the chilly air,
Cart flying down the street,

Happily arriving home and unpacking,
Enjoying a piping hot cup of tea
And drinking it mindfully,
Settling in for a quiet evening
Of listening to audio talks and reflecting;

Supper’s ready in the fridge,
Cold left-overs from
Last night’s cooking frenzy,
Macaroni and cheese
With lots of vegetables;

These simple activities
Are my practice these days,
No fancy projects,
Nor life changing goals,
Just everyday tasks;

This is where the real practice lives,
The place where the mundane rubber
Meets the ordinary dirt road,
Rain or shine, mud or dust,
ruts and all,

Over a simple track
The cart rolls,
And though the wheels
Are frequently squeaky,
And the joints of the puller often creaky,

Somehow the groceries always get home,
The tea gets made,
The supper prepared,
Then onto the plate or into the bowl.

Deflection: Immersion in the Moment

Pain in the toe joints again,
Had a hot bath
And let go into it,
Noticing what transpired:

Many memories of other baths
And other times
Emerged and danced
And played about merrily;

Wiggled the toes,
Rotated the ankles,
Stretched the legs
And appreciated the results;

Felt like I’d been here
For an eternity,
Seen and done all this before
Though not from the same perspective;

Not sure what this meant,
But was intriguing
And entertaining
To so reflect;

Perhaps twas only
The soothing hot water
Or the sheer pleasure
Of weightless motion;

Either way,
A pleasant
And simple method
Of enjoying the moment;

Just the agreeable feel
Of the warmth of the water
And the gentle easy
Movement through it
Of the limbs of the body.

Deflated: The Crux of a Conundrum

This marvelous awareness,
This sweet attention
From whose impermanence or fluctuation?
From this perception or point of view
There is some looking out, but by whom?

This is the puzzle,
What keeps repeating
Like a radio signal,
Itself a wave form
That travels as it vibrates?

And so we too travel and tremble,
Colliding with other waves
And yet for a while seemingly
Maintaining our integrity,
Though transformed by each encounter;

Then what are we?
The pattern seems to repeat,
Is changed yet unchanged,
Or so it appears to me,
This impermanent permanence,

Hence the idea of impermanence by itself
Does not seem to impress me much,
Nor help much neither
But only confuse,
As what goes away seems to come back,

And this seems especially true
Of those patterns
I’d rather be free of,
Those unhappy arisings
That never really seem to go away;

They always seem to be
At least potentially there,
Or is the cause merely a habit of looking,
Of searching for something familiar?

Definitive: Change and Interchange

Life is extraordinary,
So here and not here,
Tis a wave form,
A palette of colourful zeros and ones,

But awareness of it all,
Where does that come from?
And how can what is be made,
From furniture to electronics,
When everything is in flux?

And based upon what,
When our very awareness is intermittent,
But a wave that rises and falls,
Top to bottom, until it’s gone?
And where to then?

Then again, awareness is
Also connected to whatever else is,
So even though temporary, intermittent, up and down,
However one phrases it,
Functions within the larger function or pattern;

And so, they go together
And come and go together,
Thus one is able to influence the other,
As they are not separate,
But who is doing it?

We seem to be free and not free,
Here and not here,
Temporary and persistent
But where do we go
When this fragile shell goes?

Is this transient material casing
Necessary for what we know?
Or is it simply a matter of
Coming from within this temporary attention
That makes us think, ‘this is me’?

Definition: In Focus

Something changed,
Sank deeply in,
That seems so simple
Nevertheless difficult
To fathom totally,

It’s so little
But so important,
Yet only this:
That we don’t always get what we want
Nor is getting it always best,

That thinking we should
Is foolishness;
Life is not like that
It’s like it is,
Which is unreliable,

It’s like a zebra,
An untamable creature,
Not subject to
Our commands
Or whims,

For which, I’d say
We ought to be thankful!
For given
The nature
Of some of our desires

How awful if every one
Were to come true!
And so we learn
From experience
What life is as it is,

And from this wisdom learn to
Accept what comes more easily,
And accept what goes
When it goes.

Definitely: Gathering Steam

Oh!
My arthritic aching big toes!
As I rub them, one at a time, I think
‘May this practice bring relief
To all beings so distressed.’

I dispatch metta
To all beings
Over and over again,
And a bliss and a smile
Break out all over,

And then I ponder on
How happiness only
Seems to come
In these spare moments
Without tasks to do,

But then correct myself,
Remembering times when
Joy infused my duties too,
Though it was not
Without great effort;

So then,
Perhaps in time
I will find a way
As other people do,
Or so I’ve heard,

Meanwhile,
I stumble on,
Looking for
My way,
Whatever that may be,

Like the seekers of this dark season,
Gather to wait
For the pending return of the sun
(Or the son, as the case may be).

Definitive: Mundane and Infinite

The seeking and carting continues
But shopping fatigue inevitably sets in,
Time to pause and finish up
Some end-of-year matters;

Meanwhile meditation practice unfolds simply,
As breathing, metta
And spaciousness of attention
Punctuate the early-darkened evenings,

Ready to go
Brings letting go,
Leading to
Joyful tranquil intervals;

Reading and reflecting
Upon commentaries
And passages from suttas
Also gives rise to peace and awe,

As the mundane wonder
Of what is
Reveals itself
Again and again;

In the twilight of the year
As we approach
The space between
One calendar and the next,

How appropriate
To contemplate
Upon the ultimate
Whatever that may be!

I don’t think
“I” will ever understand it,
Though “not-one—not-two”
May perhaps do so.

Defiant: Surging Forward

Frenzied activity,
Hitting the shops once more
As the big decision-making continues,
Looking at prices once again,

Adding up the difference
Between one option and another,
Trying to make the best deal
Under the circumstances,

Scurrying dances across the tile floor,
Searching for boots,
But not finding anything
That fits!

Asking questions
About electronic devices,
Checking out the merchandise,
Opening this and unzipping that,

Thinking of buying a new knapsack
As the old ones are falling apart,
And I have to carry
Many things with me on my back,

But finally settled on
A small electronic gadget,
Until the next items come on sale,
Have to return tomorrow for another round,

Luckily the weather has held
So the long walk will be completed
In relative comfort,
Though the parcels may weigh heavily,

Do I get a cab?
Or try to drag it all home
On my own?
I’ll have to wait and see
How much I have to tote.

Deferment: Unproductive

Went to sleep to
Letting go
But woke up to clinging
And frustration,

More brooding on
The current situation
And trouble decision-making
On what steps need to be taken;

Tried counting the breathing,
But could not stay with that even,
Caught up in confusion
Punctuated by irritation,

Not seeing much use
In anything
And rolling up and down
In wave after wave of disbelieving,

Wasting time wondering
How what is could be,
Instead of seeking
Some ease in what is,

Feeling foolish in retrospect,
But not finding a solution
To this repetitive outpouring of emotion,
A dull and pointless occupation,

And the mistake repeats!
Why can’t I learn from this
And move on
To something more productive?

What is it about this ruminating
That is so seductive and addictive?
Could it be because there’s such energy in it?
If only I could harness that!

Deference: Acceding to the Flow

Difficult meditation,
Couldn’t seem to focus
Having lost my motivation,
Reluctant to see what was happening,

Tried counting breaths
And for an interval succeeded,
Then drifted off into oblivion
Subsequently finding what was needed,

The mind redirected
To a new object of attention:
The sounds in the room
As they wavered up and down;

I noticed the hum
Of the heating system,
How it varied,
Wave after wave,

Then there were the cycling sounds
Of the refrigerator,
As it regulated
Its internal temperature,

The siren of a fire engine
Passing on the street outside
Punctuated the ensemble,
Rising and fading amidst the machine rumbles,

In addition there was the hissing
Of the gas fire
In my host’s front room,
(Where this group meditation took place),

And finally there were
The sounds of joints crackling
From the minor movements of sitters’ bodies
Seeking more comfortable positions
During this forty-five minute long session.

Defensible: A Safe Pause

Hot herb tea
On a cold day,
A simple way
To bring ease
To a worn out body and mind;

Hot water
Melts away the chill
And fragrant spices and herbs
Envelop the senses,
Soothing and invigorating;

A gentle flavour
And time to savour it,
Relaxing with some audioplays
While sipping slowly away
At the end of a busy day;

Tis the best of times,
Stirring memories of past teas,
Connecting one mug
To the previous one
And this one to the next;

Mining deeply
The dark hot brew,
Dropping slowly down
Into a peaceful quiet,
A break from life’s incessant riot;

Listening to the sounds around,
Glorying in the leisure
Whose transience only
Makes it more precious,
And the tea extra delicious;

Finding moments within moments
Of delightful repose,
Laughing admiringly at the snow
As I watch it fall and blow outside my window.

Defect: Technological Changeover

Bursting with energy
From a chocolate charged
Holiday feast,
A seasonal surge;

Shopping for replacements
Rather than presents,
As budgeting concerns
Override flashy ads for frivolous trinkets,

Complex electronics
Reveal hidden price tags,
As incompatibility
With older devices increases costs,

Hence, one purchase
Requires another,
In order to make
The first one work,

Difficult decision:
Return new product or buy one more,
Decided to splurge,
As haven’t done so for two years,

And about time I concluded,
To replace the old
And bring in the new,
A lesson in impermanence,

As everything goes
In the end,
One appliance
Gets changed for another,

In the name of advancement, or so it’s said,
But a cynic might reflect
It’s merely free market economics,
I was quite happy with what I had,
But now have to settle for improvements instead!

Default: Endless Trek

Busy, busy again,
So much to ponder and consider,
Thinking about the future
And where I should be aiming for,

Not sure what direction makes sense
Nor what position
I should be taking
On it,

The aftereffects of
So many years of striving
And lean living,
Make decision-making challenging.

Where to go from here?
Is there a place
That’s any better,
Or is it just this?

There are always these two levels
Of interpenetrating reality,
But how do they go together?
I’m having such trouble getting that!

(Sigh) So much to do
And I’m so tired of trying,
Why it’s a great big mountain
I’ve been climbing!

Or is it something else
That I just can’t see clearly,
And how can I get a good look?
My eyes are so bleary,

I appear to be no further ahead,
As there still looks to be
The same number of questions,
And no sure answers.

Defamatory: Deafening Rumpus

Bad news
Split the air again like cannon fire,
Making a mess of
Thoughts and emotions;

Protests of unfairness booming out everywhere,
Accompanied by perceived cracks of thoughtlessness,
Hearing it popping all around
And tired of enduring this regular disturbance,

Stared into space for a while,
Resembled concentration practice,
But probably not
The best kind,

Subsequently restlessness took over
And forgetting for a time,
But then remembered
And started fuming all over,

Simmering like a pot on a hot stove,
Flustered and blustering,
Trying to muster some positive action
To counteract this negative distraction,

Finally settled on
More laundry
And cleaning up
The kitchen,

After stowing some clean laundry,
As was straightening up
Found some good news
That I’d gathered

About helpful vitamin D;
Resolved to get some of that
And see what good (if any)
That could do me!

De Facto: Feeling So Fortunate

This awful influenza,
The first one I’ve endured
Since I began this most recent
Mindfulness trek,

But feeling so fortunate
To have fruit to eat,
As it’s the only thing
My stomach will tolerate,

Juicy tangerine,
Soft banana,
Hard plumb,
So sweet and enjoyable,

Refreshing and energizing,
My body and mind
So grateful to receive
Such treats,

A welcome change
From the usual heavy fare
Of bowl after bowl
Of assorted stews,

My simple home-cooked diet
Livened up for the occasion,
No take out around here,
And such variety is rare,

So for tonight
This is fast food delight,
No dishes to scrub,
And no pots neither,

A change like this
Is long overdue,
And so timely too
While I’m recovering from
This nasty flu.

Deep-Seated: Out from under the Pillow

Horrible night,
Barely slept,
Anger and irritability,
Delusion and doubt,

A layer of futility and disgust
Covers everything
But then during meditation, thought,
‘This sitting is my answer,’

‘Attending to,
Just this,’
And yet distraction set in,
Awareness got lost once more,

Until,
Just before sleep,
As I lay waiting
To drift off,

I noticed confusion,
And from this energetic state
Emerged strong presence
And discovery,

For there I saw,
There was no clinging occurring,
What a startling find!
How did that happen?

Where was my attention
On this occasion?
How could I have gone
And missed out on such an important event?

'Oh well,' I thought, 'here it is now,
To marvel at
And enjoy
For as long as it persists.'

Deeply: Reaching Forward, Reaching Back

This day again was tough
But less so than yesterday,
Maybe finally the virus
Has had enough of me;

I surely won’t miss
All this nose blowing
And coughing,
Nor the long hours abed;

Rallied today somewhat
And caught up with some tasks,
Twas such a relief
To finally be back on my feet;

So many duties neglected
Due to this latest illness;
These setbacks have been coming so often
Tis one of those years I guess,

But no time for tears or regrets,
Have to go forward
And see what’s up next,
Embracing the unreliable,

Sometimes it’s more excitement
Than I can handle comfortably
But lessons learned
Every time,

Another mountain climbed,
Another victory celebration,
To have gotten through
This latest challenge,

Ah but, it’s not over yet,
Too early to tell
If or even when the flag
Will be planted.

Deep: Diving for Relief

Well the respiratory infection
Or its aftermath
Continues to impose its misery
Upon this mind and body,

Slowing down everything,
Making mincemeat of any plans
Sabotaging every step,
Making my stomach refuse much food,

Doing nothing for my mood,
Which is down and sour,
Well beyond meditation power
Though the metta feels safe,

Also I imagine
Pleasant places I’ve been
While I wait to heal,
And hope to soon have a complete meal.

Getting little done
Except groaning,
All is a struggle
But lying around a bore,

Coughing and nose blowing
Are my main occupations,
Along with dreaming
Of old haunts calling to me:

Sitting in a backyard,
Watching the tomato plants grow
On a hot summer’s morning,
Enjoying the view

And from somewhere in my mind
The plants say,
“We remember you,”
And I feel supported somehow.

Deductions: Seeking Understanding

Overwhelming fatigue,
How long will this
Latest recovery be?

I hate this waiting game,
Sleeping off and on all day,
Dragging through my tasks,
Feels like climbing Mount Everest,

Luckily have time to rest
And a place to do it,
How fortunate!

Pushing forward
Through the groggy mist,
Trying to keep going
No matter what the test;

Mindfulness is tough
When I can barely lift my head,
Persistently I did metta from my bed
Attempting to dream up some happiness and vigour.

Towards the evening I rallied,
And though my appetite was still poor
I ate fairly well,
Telling myself this is just a temporary spell.

Determinedly I take another step
And follow that with more of the same,
Not sure what’s to gain
But no energy to consider such aims;

Sometimes I think these days are the best
As there’s no energy left for anything but doing,
The mind gets a rest
From all the extra thinking,
And for all I know
That’s the point,
The actual link.

Deduct: Knocking It Off

Okay, so my digestive system is still tied up in knots and the rage-mobile has been going full tilt all day, and I fell to reflecting on whether, if my gut could talk, it might complain to the kidneys about the lack of water coming its way, which is stopping it up, as in,

“The plumbing in this place is rubbish! The water supply keeps getting cut off and I just don’t get it.” Or so it complains to the kidneys.

And the kidneys are saying, “give us a break, we’ve got this virus to get rid of!”

And the gut’s reply is, “Oh, yeah right, like I believe that. Every five minutes you’ve got a new excuse. Last time it was the weather, before that another cold, before that it was the shingles, then it was stomach flu, and on an on.”

And so it goes. Meanwhile I’m too nauseous to eat, and so tired I can barely move, etc., you get the idea.

I’ve also been having these wonderful reflections on all the good times there have been, sitting in the yard (back when I had access to one) watching the tomato plants grow and listening to the song birds and the wind in the trees on warm summer mornings and hot evenings. Then there were the night crickets and the night crawlers stirring in the bedewed grass. And in even younger years there was tree-climbing and playing cops and robbers—yes, I’m old enough to remember that era, before all the computer games took over in this locality.

Now, it’s all about kids’ obesity, because instead of running around chasing each other, people are all sitting at home eating munchies and hiding in their abodes. I hear people say, “oh, it’s way too dangerous out there for kids,” which sounds pretty strange given what’s going on, on the Internet these days, and my memories of romping around by myself at the age of seven, all over the neighbourhood, where ever-vigilant adult eyes and ears watched over us every step of the way. Oh well, every era has it’s dragons; this one’s just the same.

Ah, ruminating mindlessly, so that’s what that’s like!

Except now I know.

Dedicated: Finding My Footing

Oh drat!
I’m late
I’ve gotten out of
The writing habit,

And meditation too
Has taken
A back seat due
To this wretched cold,

My stomach is erupting
And grumping
From fever and
A multiplicity of remedies,

Hence I rested it
Afternoon and evening
And only just
Had a salmon sandwich,

This day has been
Full of speculations,
But did contain
One good session
Based on a CD of guided meditations
By Shinzen Young,*

Which led me from a cauldron of rage
Into strengths I knew not of
And to solutions I’ve already pursued
And yet knew not or had simply forgotten;

Not letting anything ruin anything,
This shall be my goal,
Recalling to mind again and again that
Within each moment the potential for
Peace and happiness is always present
Shall be my guiding principle.



_______________
Break through difficult emotions, Sounds True 1997.

Decrepit: Needing Down Time

Fading in and out,
Bad head cold:
High fever,
Hacking away and sneezing
And nursing a burning throat;

Tried to sit
With concentration,
But barely made
Seven minutes
Before exhaustion ended that;

Checking temperature
And trying to cool off
All day,
What a way to spend it;
Time slowed to a creep,

Napping and waking,
Counting breaths
And doing metta,
Drowsily;
Consciousness came and went,

Then suddenly
11 pm came around,
What a surprise!
Where was “I”
During this event?

Where does “me” go
When the fatigue sets in?
Feeling good not moving;
Getting up sets me
To coughing heavily;

Mind so fuzzy,
Fingers so clumsy,
Have to rest again.

Decree: And so it is

Saw “not yours”
And letting go,
Streaming out
And floating away,

Fading into
The mental distance,
Trying to keep this in mind,
As every time ‘tis just what I need;

Stop talking about
Blizzards of emotion
And torrents of thought,
Have to let it fly by

In time will get used to it
Coming up, letting go and drifting off,
So it does not distract me
From other things,
As it frequently now does;

But now mind all over the place,
Need mindlessness for a time,
Intentional distraction
So I don’t get lost in anguish,

Really frustrating,
Tried to notice what that felt like,
At first just raised more anger,
‘what’s the point of noticing,
As so what else is new?’

I feel like it’s all about
Killing time until the bell goes,
Just waiting, really boring and tedious,
But noticing posture re-energized me,
As that’s where the ease was.
Turned to counting breaths then,
Building concentration.