Chatter: Plan Mode

Too much restlessness
Was how my meditation started;
At last I lay down
And gave up.

Later when I tried again
Surprise!
Calm returned, that is,
Until the planning began.

It’s remarkable
How often
I accomplish little
All day,

And then when I sit,
Suddenly,
There’s my to do list
Right before me.

One day I shall
Get this organized
So that my plans
Emerge when I’m available,

Or maybe that’s the trouble:
That my mediation
Makes me more accessible
And then the internal memos appear,

All at once
Everything suppressed
Arises,
And my tasks multiply,

Like carpet beetle eggs,
They hatch all over
When I forget to vacuum
For too long a time.

Chased: Air Flow

The air flows:
In
Out,
And mindfulness grows,

Sleep eludes me,
Frustration blows,
But I do my tasks,
And keep practicing.

Bad news keeps coming too,
But I tell myself
This is what
My practice is for,

It’s not just for sunny days
When all is going well,
But for days when I feel
As if I dwell at the bottom of a well.

The mud is thick
And my legs are stuck,
It pulls me down
But I fear not the muck.

In a day or two
My new mediation course will start,
And then we’ll see
If I still have heart.

Through the murky water
It’s hard to see
Where I am going
Or what I can be.

Will I be able to continue
On this difficult trip?
Can I float to the surface?
Or, will I merely further slip?

Chase: Now Uncovered

Last night the demons loosed,
As voices and images
Of people past and present
Swarmed overwhelmingly.

I tried friendliness,
To good affect but not enough.
Hence, I called upon every Buddha
I could think of,

And when I ran out of names,
Upon all the Buddhas
Whose names I do not know,
To protect me.

Confidence arose,
And stillness,
Back to the breathing,
Attention fixed on the nostrils.

Two sittings later,
Mostly breathing
And the effect is amazing,
Getting so close to now.

Sleeping badly again,
But less energy for
Restlessness and the continuous flow
Of random thoughts.

Determined and motivated
Not to let anything
Get between me and here,
The goal is so clear.

The demons are quiescent now,
Perhaps afraid;
I might make it this time
To wherever I’m going.